Just call me Val

Hi everyone,

Let me first say that, I think that it’s awesome that this forum exists. Having a place where people can relate to the problems I’m having is very helpful. I am known around other social medias as Valiant, or just “Val” if you prefer. Most do. That’s right! You guessed it, I have ADHD and probably have for my whole life. I was diagnosed in grade school, but it was so long ago I don’t remember much about the doctor who diagnosed me, or what criteria he used to make his decision. I do remember being on Ritalin for a while. I had problems in school but some how made it through to high school and found a passion in American Football. I had to keep a C average to play on the team so I decided to focus and get my grades in order. After high school I joined the Air Force after working a retail sales job for about a year. There was never much question about what to do after that, because I was always told where to go and what actions to take. It wasn’t until I after I was honorably discharged from the USAF that I began to notice my ADHD again. I used my GI Bill at a private university to obtain a bachelors degree in the science of nursing (RN). It was during this time that I learned I was going to be a father. My girlfriend at the time (whole other long story so I’ll spare you) was pregnant with my son Oliver. Problems between her and me developed and we broke up before my son was born. I wanted to be a part of my son’s life, but his mother had stopped communicating with me. It got to the point where I had to hire a lawyer and start a custody battle. This all went down during my schooling, and took its toll on not only my finances, but my mental health. My mental health was the worst of it. I am only now realizing just how much it shook me. I was dismissed from the program for not being able to keep up with my studies. Even before the break up, I was struggling trying to keep my focus where it needed to be. I would try so hard to listen to the professor, but I retained none of the information. Not even a little. I would literally force myself to stare at the professor and try my hardest to not lose focus, but you can imagine this didn’t go well. During my time in the military, there were times when I would miss appointments or be late to formations because I couldn’t organize my time. After leaving school I sat for a while not doing much but playing video games. This wen’t on for a few months until I found a job in retail sales again. I worked for about 8 months but was terminated for walking out. My inability to manage my time, and prioritize made me late all the time. I eventually looked at myself in the mirror and said, “I’m not happy at work. I am not going to make myself miserable anymore.” I didn’t work another shift after that. I was exhausted. The every day struggle to try and keep myself together enough to work a dead-end job,wore down on me. So here I am now, 7 months unemployed living with family because I can’t afford to live on my own. My only source of income comes from VA Disability Compensation. It’s the only reason I’m not homeless. I am not in a great spot. I have tried looking for work but I never act on anything for fear the I will give up on myself again. I am also worried about any manual labor jobs because I am already feeling the after effect of my military service on my joints and back. I know I need to get moving, but I’m lost. I find it hard to put value in things. Even when I know they are so important. My only ray of hope is my son. I love him more than anything. I spend time with him every week and I know he loves me too. It makes me sad that I cannot provide for him like I should. I don’t want to be this way so here I am. trying to find a solution. I know this was a long story and I apologize. It was the best way I could introduce myself and my situation. Somethings about me, I love video games, my son, traveling, mental health was my favorite subject in RN school but I love whole field and the sciences behind it. I served in Afghanistan, and spent about 2 years collectively in Turkey. I have a son who is 3 years old and is my little double. I have interests in the IT and healthcare settings. Hope to get to know you all. Thanks for your time.

Valiant

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Hi Val! Welcome to the forum and thank you for your service :blush: I hope everything turns out ok with the job search and good luck!
I know you mentioned liking mental health stuff, thats pretty common with a lot of us here! What’s your favorite thing about the subject?

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Again, welcome to the forum, Val!

Sounds like you have had a rough time of it. Other than the military sevice (not a citizen of country of residence, so… Danish, living in Norway), and the whole debacle with your ex and Oliver, we sound very similar. I managed to study, though, but mostly through lucky hyperfocus, I suspect. I’m also living at home, struggling to apply for jobs… Oh, and my wife is a bit older than me, and in a 3rd country, and she wants to get pregnant NOW before it’s too late (she’s turning 37 next February), so also pressure to support family and kids… I sympathise so much with you, man… Hopefully we can help eachother out here on the forum! Again, welcome, and happy to have you here!:blush:

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Welcome. And I can relate with much of your story, and feelings. I recently wrote a lengthy introduction here too. (40 years of unbridled ADHD. But it's getting better.)

I can definitely see some overlap. It sounds like you have a big ‘wall of awful’ in front of you right now. I have good news and that is that they can be overcome. I’ve been where you are in many ways, but I’m not there now. I have a lot to learn about how ADHD affects me and things to improve on, but I can do it from a place with some security and confidence. I hope you can find your way to that spot; and I hope this community can help.

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I am pretty knowledgeable about depression, but I find the whole field so intriguing. I have spent time in psychiatric facilities working with patients during my clinical rotations. I saw both the incarcerated population, and those in involuntary inpatient care settings. Both were very enlightening. I’d like to work in the mental health setting sometime in the future. Oh, and thank you. I was honored to serve, but it is always nice to be acknowledged for it.

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No problem :blush:
So what exactly was your job in psychiatric facilities? Was it a volunteer thing?

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Thank you. I feel like this is a good place for me to be. You’re right that our problems seem very similar. From my perspective, it looks like there are many complications that also put the pressure on you. I don’t know how you could make things simple for your situation, especially with the starting a family with children thing. All I can suggest is that you be sure your feelings are known with your partner. Honest communication leads to lasting solutions. I can tell you that when the pressure of a problem becomes overwhelming I feel like my brain starts to go into hyperactive mode. I think of several lines of thought trying to find solutions and other random thoughts. It so debilitating sometimes. Anything going on outside my mind like people trying to talk to me, or trying to pay attention to a lecture, is acknowledged but that’s about it. No memory retention. No plan of action. I let people down and that leads to me turning inwards. Thank you for the warm welcome hopefully we can at least learn from our experiences.

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I was doing a rotation for my school. I was studying to be a registered nurse for a BSN program. I just talked with patients, assessing them and practicing coping strategies with them.

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Oohh ok, that sounds really cool!