My mother never was really interested to learn about me or adult ADHD. At least thats what it felt to me.
Tonight she tried again, like so many times before, to tell me i had to try “this specific job education”, because it is easy, fast, and i have SOMETHING in my portfolio. (sturggling to get a uni degree for 8 years now). After that i snapped, called her (we wrote whatsapp until then), and told her everything i felt about her. How i felt like she never really supported me as a person from a certain point onwards (they first 10-14 years were okayish i guess… i’m 27 now), and that i am baffled by her unwillingness to learn.
She usually says things like:“It’s not true that you can’t do that. Just get your act together. I know you can do this. You have to do this, and it’s not about what you want or not, because it’s to late for that.”
EDIT. She also told me that i probably just forgot everything she has ever done for me, since i feel like she didnt.
She also told me, that she dosent wanna read anything in english, because that would take way longer than german, and that she found it very arrogant of me to only send her english source material. As if i only wanted to demonstrate my superiority through my “knwoledge” of english. Also she is to old to be a “video person” so i shouldnt send her all those videos that talk about ADHD. She cant and wont watch those. And that wont ever change."
In my perception she pretty much told me, she is not willing to put in any work (wich i suspected often in the past, but i always wanted to try to have anything remotely similar to a good relationship with my mother), and thinks it is my duty to change myself to be a better person, not seeking excuses everywhere, etc.
Than i snapped again. In the past i thought a lot about cutting the ropes to her, but tonight i pulled the trigger. I told her that these were the last words she’ll ever hear me talking, and that i don’t want to talk to her again. Then i cancled the call. I know this was very harsh, and might be considerd a badly controlled impuls out of frustration, fear and anger.
Afterwards i talked to my dad (on the phone) about what happend. They are seperated for a few years now. He was very understanding of me, told me it’s typical for my mother to be unable to be empethatic for other pople on an emotional level. He also thoguth that my “cutting the ropes” was very harsh, and i can’t be certain i wanna keep it that way. (wich to be fair is true).
But even after that, i feel like i gave her and me enough chances to work in my life. Im sick of it. Im sick of her. And i think this women is toxic for me, and my development in the future.
But also there is that voice lingering. Her voice. That tells me i am to slow, i still have no degree for anything with 27, and i have to get my act together.
And i dont know what is true and what is not. I’d really much appreciate your guyses(eseseses) input.
Am i wrong? Am i right? 50/50? I know that this is very little information to jdudge the situation on, but i feel like it gives a good overview of everything.
So… some words from yall might be really helpful to me…