Keeping Relationships Interesting

I don’t know if others experience this, but sometimes in my relationship with my s/o I find myself getting bored, withdrawn, and distracted. I catch myself not putting forward as much effort to be romantic or to be fully present in our time together.

My question is, what do you do to keep your relationship interesting? How do you maintain your effort and the romance after you’ve grown comfortable with things?

This is one area where I don’t want to let my ADHD tendencies sabotage things.


I’m in the same boat too, so I could use some tips as well.


I’m not sure if you’re (both?) referring to general periods of boredom that might last a while, like days or weeks, or ‘drifting out’ of being fully present for short periods, like moments or hours, which either does or might annoy or upset your partner.

With the second type, I don’t have much advice as I am basically lucky enough for it to a) not happen too often and b) get away with it, either because I can usually force myself to ask a question and drag my brain back to what they were saying or because my partner doesn’t get easily annoyed about this.

With the first type, we realised at some point that if we don’t plan stuff it doesn’t happen. So now we go through schedules of what’s on (concerts etc) and actually book several events at the same time, put the dates in our diaries and print the tickets and keep them in the same place every time.

This really helps us to make sure we keep doing new fun stuff together. The other thing we recently started doing is kind of the opposite of guarding against boredom: we go through put diaries together every Sunday, telling each other where we will be every day/if we have stuff planned that means we will be home late or whatever. This is actually so we can specifically take action if it seems we’re hardly going to see each other. I like doingthe diary check-in, but would not remember to actually do this if my partner didn’t actually visibly wave the diary in front of me and say ‘shall we look at the diaries then?’.

Not sure if any of this is the kind of thing you meant though.


Maybe keep yourself interested and inspired in general, cause how you feel will effect your relationship. Otherwise trying new things together, take advantage of each others support and learn/experience something new.


So adding a bit of an update. One of the things I’m doing is trying to plan ahead to do activities or romantic things down the road. The act of planning and coordinating details is actually pretty stimulating for me, and offers me a good challenge in terms of keeping things interesting and doing something new. I have a bunch of plans for Valentine’s Day weekend. It’s been something I’ve been looking forward to and something that has kept me engaged the past several weeks.

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I envy you . . .

I have trouble planning things to do. If left up to me I would just stay home most of the time. I prefer the status quo, that is to say “keep things the same“. If it weren’t for my wife, I would be a perennial couch potato. Not sure if it’s ADHD, anxiety about change (almost any change, especially if unanticipated) or who-knows-what?

I haven’t been on a vacation for years. Even though I am retired and I prefer to just be at home. Several times my wife went with others to Alaska, Morocco, and local trips. In fact, very honestly she told me that if I was not going to be able to have a good time, or otherwise ruin her vacation, I should just stay home [which I have done several times].

I take meds for depression and anxiety (Prozac & Wellbutrin). Stimulant meds spiked my BP.

I’m afraid this may not help anyone. Doesn’t help me other than to “confess” this to others here . . . Am embarrassed to discuss elsewhere.

So thanks for being here folks!


Thank you for sharing! It’s never a bad thing to “confess.” I’m sure other people can relate. Personally I’m more of a homebody and I’d probably be a full on hermit if I didn’t force myself to do things. I never really think of trying new things or travelling unless I have a reason to do it with someone else. I’m pretty content never leaving my place. :slight_smile:

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Thank you!

Your thoughtful response is most appreciated.

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