Lost my wedding ring, and im finding it hard to get over

So my wedding ring was lost on the beach not by myself and i don’t feel angry at whoever lost it, i know it was a mistake but i have a huge feeling of loss which im struggling to get over, I am doing everything i can think of to try and find it again but i have this really strange feeling that i should be doing something else to resolve my sadness, but i don’t know what it is, it feels like a higher force is telling me what i need to do but i can’t decipher the meaning, not sure why i am putting it on here, maybe someone else has experienced this feeling or has an idea of something i havent thought of to get the ring back, or maybe i just need to let it go.
If it is lost to the sea forever then although i will miss it in a weird way i wouldn’t mind so much as i have always had a big connection to the ocean i always feel at home there for some reason, full of some of my happiest memories growing up i guess, but i don’t know that it has, and i think the not knowing is one of the problems, and sometimes i think maybe someone found it and has sold it to pay for something meaningless, which really hurts.

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I think I can understand what you’re going through. I never lost my rings, but when I had them they were such a part of me and my identity and connection. I would check frantically at times to make sure it was still on, and I would worry about losing it. For me, a wedding ring is a visible sign of the commitment, and something I didn’t take off while we were married. When it came off it was a sign that things were over. There was such weight and symbolism in it, and also the sentimentality of it too.

I think that what you are going through is a type of grieving. As with any grief there will be ups and downs. There are ways that you can work through it actively, like reflecting on the positive memories you had with the ring and also by reminding yourself that a marriage is more than just symbols and jewelry. Marriage bonds go to the bone and the soul. The rings are just an external representation of that. A sign to others.

It could be helpful to replace the ring with something else. Maybe a new ring that you design or pick out with your partner. Something that symbolizes who you are now and the status of your love.

In terms of letting go, for me I would try to imagine that if my ring is lost, someone some day will find it. And when they pick it up and see it, they’ll be holding a piece of my love and devotion. They’ll have a brief interaction with my life. They may not know my story, but the fact that my ring is in the world and will end up in someone else’s hands means that maybe some of the love and light I’ve shared will pass into them.

Whatever happens, I feel for your loss. It may seem like a little thing when we talk about it aloud, but it’s really not. Good luck!

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I didn’t lose my original wedding ring. It broke. A jeweler told me that it could be soldered back together, but that it would be just a matter of time before it breaks again. That made me imagine actually losing it, and the thought of losing it hurt.

So, my wife and I picked out a new ring…a simple wedding band (the original has a channel with 5 small diamonds, and thins out at the bottom…it broke on the side, I think where it has been stretched when resized for me once). I had to consciously “give up” my original ring (even though it sits in my wife’s jewelry box to this day), in lieu of a replacement, because I couldn’t bear the thought of losing it. The short amount of time that I didn’t have a ring to wear, I felt like I was missing a piece of myself. (I know it’s silly, because it’s just a symbol of my marriage, but my wife means the world to me and so that symbol of our bond means a great deal.)

My wife and I renewed our vows for our 15th anniversary, five years ago. We used the new ring in that ceremony. That helped me feel better about the replacement of the original.

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I am so sorry to hear what you’re going through! Sadly, I wish I could offer suggestions, however, I haven’t found the solution. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My husband had his ring stolen from a work site (took it off and put on keyboard to run a wire, and when he finished it was gone) years ago. He still struggles. I have a joint disorder that makes it difficult to wear rings at times, so we’re looking into ring tattoos to replace his ring and so that I always have one even when I can’t wear mine.

I’m pulling for you and hoping you find something to help with your loss soon.

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Wow, you are really valuing these rings so much, guys.

We are together with my wife for more than 13 years, basically since 15y.o. We don’t even have rings, as well as there wasn’t any costly ceremony or whatsoever. I once made her a ring out of stainless steel using a lathe, back when i was working as a turner, but it turned out to be a bit out of size, so it wasn’t comfortable to wear, and i never insisted. If I love a person, I want them to be comfortable. I wasn’t insisting on changing her last name as well, because dealing with authorities about every single paper with your last name on it is the opposite of comfortable.

I don’t really get physical symbols. Of course, everyone has right to make them, use them and value them as much as they like, but sometimes it’s expected of you somehow.
I made quite a quarrel with our relatives about how i don’t want to waste our limited resources on anything superficial.
I get the meaning of something you gave your thought and time to please a valuable person, but i don’t get why it always has too be inadequately expensive - and not very useful on top of it. Perhaps another neurotypical thing that it’s easier for them to make money to throw away than the pieces themselves.
When i make something for someone, it’s better be something useful for them, something that would ease their life, instead of limiting their finger bloodflow and giving trouble washing skin underneath.

P.S. Relatives also are bugging me about buying gravestones. Perhaps i have to make them too, so the birds would have somewhere to sit and do what they do best.

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For me, it’s definitely not about the ring itself, but rather about it being a symbol of my marriage. What it means to me is that she chose to marry me. (She had dated other guys besides me, but she chose to marry me over all the others; I was the opposite, I knew early on in our relationship that I loved her and only wanted to marry her, so I waited for her.)

My first ring was definitely more fancy and more expensive than it’s replacement, but we had coordinating rings. It was the shape and material that, and the fact that I had to have it resized, that caused it to eventually crack. The newer ring is plain and simple, but a material and shape that should stand the test of time.

I keep it on all the time (my bulbous knuckle certainly helps with that), and if I ever have to remove it, I feel incomplete without it unless I’m physically holding my wife’s hand. So, to me, wearing the ring is like a placeholder for holding her hand. I use it like a touchstone…I often rub it with my thumb (usually unconsciously) when I am thinking of her.

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I understand what you are saying and it is very logical, but the value of the ring was not the material, it was what it represented, a gift from my wife on our wedding day, a symbol of her love and commitment, something I carried with me for many years, i was proud to wear it, and with it, I was never alone, its like I always had a part of my wife with me, no matter where i was or what i was doing, it gave me great comfort and strength.

In general i do not value material things but this had sentimental value beyond logic and reason it was priceless to me and I wouldn’t have traded it for the world.

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Wow! I see that it’s not just me that feels this way. :grin: And to think that something so small can carry so much meaning!

@Samuelburns , I hope that the ring makes it’s way back to you (stranger things have happened). Otherwise, if your wife could present you with a new ring (as mine did for me), might that bring you some closure?

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Several years ago my wedding band dropped off my finger. I searched for days out on the street where I live. The only thing I could remember was the route that I had walked my dog on the day that it was lost. I truly felt like I had been punched in the chest and my heart was aching. It took me awhile to decide to replace it with the ring I have now, Strange that I am writing this today . . . my 48th wedding anniversary!

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Happy anniversary to you and your beloved wife, Barry!
Way to go @Brooklyn !

(My wife and I are only 28 years behind you. We had our 20th earlier this year.)

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Thanks @j_d_aengus.

People like you make this site so special!!

:sunglasses:

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Psst @Brooklyn wanna know a secret?

This is me and my wife on our wedding day in 2001!

(I’m leaving this picture up for only a limited time.)

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Samuel, please forgive me if i offended you. I’m a bit clumsy with words sometimes, even in my first language, and i guess it may double when i use English. A lot of people told me that i write harsher than i talk.

I knew that you are telling about something that is dear to you. I never intended to criticize you or anybody about caring too much. It’s overall a bad way of criticism, and i’m sure most of us are already tired of it about some other topics that are valuable for them and can’t be seen as such by the critic.

Some explanatory blabbery

Maybe i just overshared a bit of my own struggles. I really don’t like traditions, and i’m living in a place that is trying to jam it down the throat a lot. It comes down to outright stupidity here sometimes. My cousin took a loan of like a full year of wages to get a “proper” wedding, and they parted ways after 3 or 4 years. There’s just too much nice fronts everywhere hiding all the real stuff falling apart, and my perception hurts figuring out what’s true and what’s not a lot of time.

I wish you figure out what to do with the situation and find peace. I like the idea of talking to your wife about getting another memento. She can fix it all, and i can’t see why she wouldn’t, you clearly care.
Good luck!

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When I asked my then girlfriend to marry me, we were half a world away from home and traveling. It was a totally spur of the moment ask; it just seemed like the right moment. Then she said yes and… I was unprepared! I then tied a string on her ring finger. She wore that string for the rest of the trip. Years later the marriage went kaput but she may still have the string stashed away somewhere! For her the sentimental value of things mattered a lot. For me they didn’t. A ring is just a ring. While we were married, such things mattered to me only because they mattered to her. After the divorce I took off my simple wedding ring but honestly don’t know where it is. Not sure relating this helps in any way though! I hope you find your ring or somehow find a way to move forward.

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Hi it is fine, I wasn’t offended and I understood what you were trying to say don’t worry, I was just trying to explain why it felt so bad losing it.

it was interesting to hear your perspective and it actually helped, I am now considering replacing the ring where before I thought it would be pointless.

I will always miss that ring but hey, I still have my wife and without her that ring would have just been a shiny piece of metal.

Thanks for your help :slightly_smiling_face:

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Thank you.

Great picture!

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I’m glad you appreciated it. I was going to take it back down (just due to my private nature), but I’m so proud to be married to my wife that I think I’ll just leave it up for the world of HowToADHD to see!

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