Mom does not believe

Hello!
I am 15 and just got diagnosed with ADHD. My dad, grandpa and older sister all have ADHD as well.

My parents are divorced for 8 years and my mom remarried. My dad did not get diagnosed until after my parents got divorced, but my sister has been diagnosed and medicated since 2nd grade (about 13 years ago). After my journey of trying to get diagnosed began my mom and her husband told my sister that she needs to “stop taking her meds and she just needs to retrain her brain and try harder” she overheard me and my sister joking about ADHD and snapped saying that I (me) does not have ADHD and she doesn’t want to hear about it anymore.

I ended up getting diagnosed and prescribed stimulant meds. I’ve had them for 2 weeks and have not told my mom about any of it, not even that I was going to doctors in the first place. There is no legal requirements for me to tell her but I have had lots of people suggest I should tell her. She is already often very angry becuase “I don’t talk to her about anything”
I would love to tell her and for get to support me but I do not see that happening. I think if I tell her she will just get very upset and tell me to go live with my dad (common problem) I do not want the situation at her house to get worse than it is (not dangerous just full of very opininated adults that do not educate themselves on problems) I do not know what to do and I came here seeking some advice. I hope to hear some

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Welcome to the community. Sorry to hear you are going through this. Is there any way you can get your dad involved in this? Though that may not be possible if the divorced spouses do not get along well.

One thing I would suggest is to try to write down what you would like to say to her. This may be good practice in any case as under stress we tend to forget to say what we want to say or get sidetracked! Another thing that can help is that your mom can read it when you are not around so she has a chance to cool down and reflect on it.

You can ask her to at least talk to the doctor who diagnosed you and/or ask her to read up on ADHD and at least try to understand your behavior. Even if she may disagree with the diagnosis wouldn’t she like to offer you support to do better in school etc.? You can point her to youtube videos by doctors who talk about ADHD. If possible, also get your step dad involved. If she is open to the idea, have her get on this forum as a “heart” and have her ask questions. Regardless of what they feel about ADHD they would want to see you be happier and one part of that is your being able to talk to her and be heard.

Even if you write a letter, at some point you will have to talk with your mom. If it helps, practice with your sister playing the role of your mom!

But at the same time do what your instinct says. See what your sister and your dad says. Ignored advice from people who don’t know you or your mom well enough.

Finally, if/when you talk to your mom, no matter how she (& her husband) react, keep your cool, treat them with respect and find a way to get through to them. It may take a while but don’t give up!

And regardless of support from your mom, I hope you do learn coping skills, learn how to take better care of yourself and so on.

Best of luck!

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Hello @HahahelpxD .

Welcome to the HowToADHD forums!

We’ve got a good community of people here. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago, when I was 45. This forum and the people here have been very helpful to me, through my assessment, my diagnosis, and everything that I’ve been though since.

Can you imagine a possibility that your mom would accept your ADHD diagnosis? She still may not, but you know her.

I can understand wanting to be accepted and understood by family. The people we are closest to have the biggest impact on us.

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One sneaky option, which I don’t necessarily recommend, but am supplying for you evaluation, is to wait for her to comment on improvements in some regard, and then state that it’d be because you’ve been taking ADHD meds.

Fair chance the conversation would proceed into her exploding about it, especially you ‘going behind her back’ and the 'never telling her anything, which -if you keep a cool head (and being the calm person in the room is key to maximising effect)- you may be able to use as an opportunity to say you don’t tell her these things because you don’t feel she supports you. Given that the circumstances would greatly emphasise the statement, that would likely hit her hard. Depending on her personality, and exactly how you play the cards, that could lead to either introspection and epiphany resulting in a positive change to your relationship, or it could lead to her fuming and stewing and your relationship with her being torn to shreds.

Like I said, you can consider the option, but do realise it’s a dangerous one. It’s also largely the same as the outcome of doing nothing until she finds out by other means (and you risk hitting on that before she makes the positive comment your waiting for, too), so that warning hold for inaction, too. The difference is whether she’s unwittingly acknowledged the benefits of the medication, which would tip the scales slightly towards acceptance.

Often we cant control what our loved ones think and do. Without knowing you and your family its gonna be really hard to tell why your mum is showing so much resitance towards this specific topic. Its really couragous of you trying to get the right assistance for yourself. Especially since you are 15 years old. i know a lot of grown ups who would falter in their decisions based on the opinions of others. yet alone their mothers :slight_smile: congratulations on the journey of making your own decisions. im sure u noticed that with every year u get older you have to face more and more responsibilites in trade for more freedom and rights. if you can stand your ground now im sure nothing is gonna stop you in the future :wink: stay brave young one and dont hesitate to ask questions here!

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