My girlfriend and I are probably gonna end up at different universities... how do we handle that?

My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year now and were originally planning on trying to attend the same university together (but in different accommodation so we didn’t stifle each other).

But we have very different areas of focus (she’s looking into business, while I’m opting for english) and i wasn’t a massive fan of my course at the uni we were both looking at so I went looking elsewhere. Despite not being super impressed with anything other the accommodation for this university, it has remained an option for me.

So I have three questions really:

  1. How can I know whether I actually want to go to this uni we’re looking at for me and not just because eek rejection

  2. If we do go to different unis, she’s worried we’ll drift apart. How can I a) make sure this doesn’t happen and b) reassure her?

  3. A question specific to me but important nonetheless. I will eventually need to decide between the unis I put down. How do I make sure I make the right choice and not just one because everyone else thinks I should or because I feel bad for leaving my girlfriend?

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Well in responce to the first question have you done a uni tour and understand what accomodations are avalible to you at this particulair uni ? If so does this particiular uni feels like a place that you can be succsufull in meaning imange yourself attenting this uni and if it feels like its going to work its self out then I would say go for it and apply. FOr me the uni that I am currently in it feels like a home away from my house now granted its a two hour drive to go home for breaks and what not but when I am on campus I feel like everything is going to work out just fine and all of the accomodations that I need plus more I have access to.
I dont know about the other questions never been in a relationship before let alone a relatship during school or uni but also I am a freshman so what do I know. hope this helps out a little bit.

The first one (uni A for ease) as in the one we’re both looking at has pretty cool accommodation which I really really liked when I went to see it but I was somewhat disappointed by the course itself while there was another one that I only saw the worst accommodation (and it was pretty bad) but I really liked the course (uni B for ease) but my girlfriend didn’t like her course at that one so she’s not planning on applying. And then I have a few others which I’m going to apply to then go see hopefully so not sure about those but I liked the idea of them so I’m conflicted about it

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Hi Dxitydoo;
If it was for me I would select the university that will suite me and my future better, one day you will be responsible of your home and a whole family. Check other universities that are near to your girlfriend University. If you didn’t find any and you found found your future university else where, then both of you have to learn to adapt to this situation and have a side job and meet each other every whatever according to the distance. I know it is so hard in the beginning but you are both not selfish and both of you need the best for one another.
I hope you find what you want.
Have a wonderful 2020 :slight_smile:

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What is it about the university that you like? What are some of the things you enjoy about the program or the opportunities you’ll have there? A lot of universities are interchangeable in SOME ways but not in the ways that matter. You might be able to get your English studies done at her university, but will it offer the same experience that you’re looking for? Sometimes the experience is unique, even by virtue of setting or faculty.

Relationships take effort. A way to drift apart is to not to. Making the effort to stay together such as planning regular visits, talking on the phone (not just text), chatting online or Skyping, and spending important things like anniversaries and holidays together. There’s definitely a chance that you two may grow apart as time moves on, especially as you continue to learn about yourselves, but for now if you want to stay together you have to make an effort. Long distance relationships can work so long as both partners are committed. For me, I maintained my LTR while I was at college for all four years and we both were several states away. We made regular use of the Greyhound buses, instant messaging, and spent a lot of time on the phone.

It can be hard to know the “right choice” for anyone. You may start at the school and find out it’s not what you wanted after all. The important thing is to find a university that appeals to you in important ways. What are some of the most important factors? Is it the major that is offered? The faculty? The clubs and organizations? The sports team? The city? The campus? The financial aid? The residence hall? The people who you also know who are going there?

Picking a university is about finding what you’re looking for right now, but also thinking ahead. What do you want to get out of your experience after four years or so? Can the university you’re looking at offer that?

I will say that I didn’t do a lot of research when picking schools. I applied to several but knew that I wanted to go to the one even though I’d never visited campus. I went solely because of the English program. I was fortunate in that the English program was good, but the rest of my college experience was even better. I feel like I grew a lot at college, and I’m not sure I would have had the same experience had I gone somewhere else.

No matter what, where you start is not where you have to end. You can transfer or change your mind. And so can she. If you guys want to stay together, you CAN make it work. But it will take work. Lots of it. And you’ll have to continue to work on getting to know each other as you both change and grow on this journey.

Good luck!

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