Anyone who’s read my previous posts knows the situation but there are quite a few so here’s the TL;DR:
- my mum doesn’t believe I have ADHD
- she doesn’t think I need support (in school specifically but probably outside as well)
- she is actively against me seeking help because she believes I either a) don’t have ADHD or b) don’t have it severely enough for it to be worth anything
- her references are my brother who has several quite severe diagnoses (and ADHD is NOT one of them) and a company she volunteers for who handle tribunals for parents who’s kids have SEN
- I went to my school’s student support person and talked to her and am now being mentored
I think that’s the main necessary info to understand the context so let’s continue.
We went and picked up my girlfriend from her house the other day and on the journey back we had an argument (poor girl had to listen to the whole thing).
The argument started because I mentioned I hadn’t put my uni application in yet because I was unable to find an extra curricular course I was doing so I could put it on.
During the argument my mum brought up the fact that I’d found this diagnoses on the internet and “decided I had it” (she didn’t mentioned ADHD specifically but its the only one I’ve extensively researched) and once again told me she didn’t think I had it and would not look into finding me a test for (which ha ha jokes on her I’m on a waiting list for exactly that anyway!)
She then continued on to talk about some other bits of an argument it seemed she’d been constructing for quite a while. She told me that, even with a diagnoses, it wouldn’t give me much support so what’s the point? I argued against that but she seemed adamant it wouldn’t do much.
Her main point was that with or without a diagnosis, I would be held to the same standard as everyone else and be expected to reach the same goal, the only difference would be a bit more support to help me along (but this is back to the whole “the support doesn’t do much” thing so).
She also told me that it was a choice that I was procrastinating and, while yes, I’m not the best at pulling myself out of my procrastination, I also wouldn’t say it was a choice to sit on my bed and be on the verge of tears over a piece of hwk that’s three weeks overdue and yet I can’t find the motivation to start it. Which I said. And she still told me it was a choice so I mean… wow thanks mum.
Eventually we got to the point where she asked me why I wanted the diagnosis (if I even got it) and I said “because the only other alternative is that I’m lazy or not trying hard enough and I don’t want that to be true”. Clearly that was a bad thing to say coz she got mad again and told me, very angrily, that I’m not lazy and i am trying hard enough (which a) given she’d said its a choice that I’m procrastinating, then she doesnt think that’s true and shes lying and b) it was said very angrily and so despite it being a typically nice thing to say, it really didnt come off that way).
She then conveniently ignored my “so why cant i do it” question and moved on to her next point about how people’s symptoms tend to get worse once they’ve been diagnosed (which I mean… my memory has been godawful recently (it was a massive struggle to write this post because I couldn’t keep anything in my mind for longer than two seconds) and I have noticed that I tend to become more “obviously” ADHD when I’m thinking about it but I haven’t been diagnosed so… eek?). It made me feel quite upset tho coz what if I am just faking this all?? To be special maybe? I can be a bit of an attention seeker (much to my own dismay) so maybe that’s true? Either way it made me sad.
I always hate these arguments because I never have any good responses in the moment so I generally just stop talking altogether (which then of course makes her angry again and good god its a never ending cycle).
There isn’t much reason for this post other than she’s been annoying me for the past few days (this was the worst offender but she’s been a bit not great towards my younger sister as well) and I wanted to rant.
I find it quite hard to be doing this alone. I’m so excited every time I get news about my referral. I was told the other day that I’m on the waiting list for an assessment which is a massive step in the right direction! My mentor is equally happy for me and has been so supportive in trying to make things easier and better for me and I love that so much. But I also wish she didn’t have to. Or… well… I wish it wasn’t her that was supporting me but my mum.
My mentor asked me once how I felt about my parents not supporting it. I almost burst into tears right there and then. I hate it. I went to the GP with my girlfriend to start this whole process. I was nervously sitting, my leg bounce bounce bouncing the whole time, waiting until they called me in. I’d already had to reschedule the appointment because my mum had had an appointment on the same day and I really didnt want to run into her and have her stop me before I even started.
But even that was wrong. The ducking and cowering and hiding from my mum so she wouldn’t find out, like I was covering up an illegal drug habit or something.
I came home from the GP victorious. They said they would refer me (I had expected this because they cant say no but i was still worried they would reject me). I was ecstatic and full of energy… and I couldn’t tell them why I was so happy. And I still can’t.
My mum told me today that she hates liars. That she trained us out of it as soon as we’d started because she did not want her kids to lie.
Funny that, for someone who hates lying so much, she has created the biggest liar and got herself caught in the biggest lie.