New, Seeking Guidance, Connection and an Outlet for Emotions

Hello Brains,

37 year old here from NYC, diagnosed about a year ago and didn’t really take it serious enough to understand how important this community is to understanding how similar a lot of our stories are. Only this week after finding Jessica’s YT channel and TED talk did it really hit me how much struggle there has been that I’ve either gotten used to or swept under the rug. Moved to LA 4 years ago and the depression of this city really hit me and exacerbated the anxiety and growing concerns. Tried a bunch of meds that had really negative side effects with me and took up meditation and journaling which helped a lot for a while but kind of fell off because, well, anything else happened. But looking to get into it again for mental help. Recently started taking some Adderall XR again that was about a year old that was prescribed to me and it actually felt good. Talking with my psych again tomorrow to evaluate trying it again in conjunction with meditation and whatnot so hoping for a good outcome that will help with motivation. The things that are good for me creatively are the hardest walls to climb over but also the most satisfying (writing, film-making, etc.) and put me right into a flow state.

I really just wanted to say an enthusiastic, “Hi!” and that I’m excited to be around others that get the struggle. Feeling like you’ve been told you were lazy or feeling mentally inadequacy when you know you’re smart and can think critically but having almost been indoctrinated into feeling like you’re someone who will never live up to their true potential EVEN THOUGH you have more mental and physical energy for hours and decades than the rest of your family, friends and co-workers. Struggling to feel understood when you can’t even describe why you feel like a piece of shit for not starting a project or starting one and just giving up somewhere a long the line because, well, pick a reason… Feeling so stupid, and self-loathing and not understanding why but always feeling compassionate and a common humanity towards others and a campaigner for others. Feeling like you don’t want to be alone because being alone leads to indecision. Which leads to depression and anxiety. Wanting to constantly be around people because you’re afraid of what’s in your own head and talking to yourself. It’s easier to be with people than it is your own inner dialogue. Working hard at EVERYTHING OTHER THAN you’re own creative outlets because of perfectionism or fear of failure. And now, with covid-19 just missing human connection like a fish misses water.

So that’s it - but I’m looking forward to chatting with people on here but I’m in a decent place; trying to remain optimistic and look toward the future and work on myself in order to get shit done creatively and get out of my own head. I can’t tell you all how many times I’ve written in my journal, “Just fucking do it!” Also looking to offer advice when needed but much of this is so new to me I’m still discovering things but Jessica’s YT vids have not only been enlightening and heartfelt but made me feeling like there is a connection to a world of people out there that completely understand the same struggles I thought were solely my own. I’m incredibly grateful and so is my wife.

All the best,
Mike D.

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Glad to see someone else from the Big Apple . . . As you probably noticed and it might be assumed, I am from Brooklyn. Born there, raised, educated and worked there . . . and then gotvmarried to a Jersey girl. So guess what where I wound up. I really miss New York City water though!

In any event, welcome to the “brains club”! Will look forward to hear more from you as the days go by!

Barry from . . . But of course!

Never did get over the Dodgers leaving . . . I actually saw them play in 1957. Well yeah, I’m not exactly a spring chicken . . . but we all have a lot in common.

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Barry from BK! How’s it going? Guess what? I’m married to a Jersey girl as well, haha (just like the Tom Waits song)! She’s from the central coast -shore towns areas, but we’re on the west coast now and it’s eh… I’m from the Bronx/Yonkers/lower Westchester originally so I’m pinstripes born and bled for life.

Got to see the Dodgers out here last year, such a classic ballpark too. That was a pleasant trip and fun to see teams I’m not rooting for in a new park as well. Wait so are you out on the west coast as well? If so, how long have you been out here? I’ve been missing pizza slices and bagels, but I have found a couple places that do them both well (Western Bagel, Prime Pizza - Burbank).

~MD

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Hello, A short reply to a long OP. I suggest you try to get back into the things that helped you before, mediataion, journal etc. schedule them into your day so that you have less chance of avoiding them. Bug issue for us sticking to routines, as I’m sure you know, but stick to what you do know helps you rather than spending time searching for new solutions when you already have some that help you.

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Welcome to the community!

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Things are going well for me. Despite ADHD I have been married to the same Jersey girl for 47 years. She is so much not like me . . . Lucky for the both of us! Actually I have never been to California although my wife’s brother lives out there. Ah yes . . . I remember when pizza was $.15 a slice . . . and bagels were bagels! Some decent knock offs here near Philly . . . but nothing beats a Brooklyn, or I suppose even a Bronx bagel! :joy:

So what do you do out there in California? How do you stay out of trouble with ADHD? Are you a dog person? Do you like making puns? Or for my benefit, even better, do you appreciate them?

Barry

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Thank you, Neil. Sometimes I need this kind of advice of seeing the things that are right in front of me rather than trying to exhaust all options. I don’t know if that’s a symptom of ADHD or my own personal brand of mental perfectionism. I think part of the problem is for me routine feels stale, albeit helpful, after a while and I look to switch things up because I feel that I need to but in reality it’s probably better to do something wherein the week looks different but regulated and not every single routine the same day, every single day. I appreciate your advice - thank you!

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Haha same here. My NJ wife is the total opposite but amazing at helping me with every facet in my life.
Philly is a cool town, been there a bunch and it’s a great food city with a lot of heart.

Work out here for “the industry” which, like an industry, means you’re simply a cog in a machine. I stay hyper-focused on things that are typically not what I wanted for my own life which keeps me out of trouble. In that I mean, I’m usually focused MORE on my career or people pleasing so much that things I want to be doing for my own life like writing and guerrilla filmmaking fall by the wayside. Then when I try to undertake those things I put the cart before the horse and have this mindset of “idealized perfection” which just holds me back. But we have a great dog and a brood of cats; we’re big animal people and yes, love puns for sure haha.

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Yes, it’s right in front of our faces but always looking for the new thing instead, to get the dopamine hit. Hyperfocus and perfectionism traits are common with ADHD, for me and others on here. Routines are hard too, having a set schedule works until the next more interesting thing pops up, it won’t be far away with ADHD!
Maybe keep a list of the essential things you need to fit into each day and then plan your week out to make it all fit together. Good luck, just trying to kick myself into doing some unscheduled exercise.

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Exercise is one of those things along with time restricted eating that I’ve been able to get under control. I’ve been time restricting my food intake for over 2 years with great results. Re: exercise I put on a calendar to do push-ups every 2 hours, 4x a day and I’ve gotten to a point where I keep up with 100 push-ups a day 5-7 days a week, with allowances for rest.

To your point, I think this is a good piece of advice - schedule morning and early afternoon meditations and everything else can fall around that. It’s been the most beneficial thing since discovering this community. Thanks again and good luck to you as well!

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