Newbie, anxious, and want to know I am not alone.

anxiety
depression

#1

Hi there, I am 29 and I have ADHD. I am very happy to have found this forum. It is reassuring to know there are other like minded people out there struggling with the same thing. I was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age and surprisingly I have never been on medication (I took Ritalin one time as a child and it made me sleep walk, never been on anything since). Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be on medication but I honestly don’t want to take medication. Maybe I am just not familiar with it…

I find myself having conversations with my husband… “I wish I was ‘normal’ like you.” Or after watching Jessica on TED talks…neurotypical is a better term for normal. I am clumsy, I talk fast, I interrupt people, I tend to not hear my husband when he is talking to me, I need lists to survive day to day, I have so many passions and goals (which is probably why I don’t have a career at age 29), and well… the list goes on and on as you probably know.

One thing I have always struggled with (more lately than in the past) has been my overactive brain. When I was younger I felt fearless and as I’ve gotten older… it is like I have allowed my fears to take over. It’s like I am getting worse as I age. I feel anxious often. Of course, this has increased since I started nursing school, which makes sense because…well, stress. But I feel as if my emotions are all over the place sometimes. Is it my ADHD, my over active brain that is the cause of this? My fears are ridiculous, and most of the time, once I think it, it’s like my brain focuses on it until I am overcome with anxiety (not to the point of a panic attack). Usually I am good at calming myself down. But it feels like a constant battle trying to focus on the good.

Here are just a few things that give me anxiety… flying on a plane, the idea of going on a cruise (being stuck on a boat in the middle of nowhere), watching anything scary (you wont find me watching horror movies or even the daily news), the thought of having kids (that is normal right…lol…but when I was younger i always wanted kids…the older I have got the more scary it has become).

I feel like I am rambling at this point. Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy… lol which I know is absolutely ridiculous. I am seriously a cool chick. Sometimes I just want to be “neurotypical.”

I am just hoping there are other people out there… who understand what I am going through.


#2

Hi Farah, welcome to the tribe. The short answer is “definitely yes”.

My own situation is a little different to your own (I always tended towards the “risk taking” side of ADHD, so pretty much the only thing I’ve ever been afraid of is talking to girls I’m attracted to, and social situations. So people.)

But I can very much relate to emotions shutting you down, and taking over all thought processes.

Another short answer: Probably.

Emotional dysregulation is a key component of ADHD which has fallen out of the manuals which psychs use to diagnose mental health issues. The reason being that it is extremely difficult to measure and quantify emotions.

My own experience is that I can take quite a bit, but eventually, somebody will say something malicious, or critical of me, and I’ll have rehashes of conversations, thoughts, feelings of injustice etc. swirling around for hours, days, weeks. I’ll find it difficult, if not impossible, to get those thoughts out of my head or to concentrate on other things, like my job for example.

Ramble away. It’s all good. Crazy is relative. I tend to find that it’s the rest of the world that is tapped, and I’m the only sane person I know. :slight_smile:

I’ve never particularly wanted to be neurotypical as such… But it would be a nice change to be able to fit into a non-freak role in society, and be judged for who I am rather than who I am not.


#3

Thank you for your response! And thank you for explaining emotional dysregulation. It is on the list of things for me to delve into and understand better. It’s nice to know were not the only ones with thoughts that cannot seem to subside. Thank you again.


#4

Happy to help Farah, no problem at all.

There are plenty of us here. This is where we are the normal ones, and everyone else is a freak! :slight_smile:


#5

Howdy, and welcome!
Just to dive right in, if you don’t want to take medication, obviously it’s your choice and will be 100% respected here (or I imagine wrath will come down on the dis respecter…), but it sounds like you are questioning your self on that stance.
Would you mind taking a moment to explore that? Is it just based on the prior experience, something you saw in other people, resources you have read?
If you want to try medication, but memories of the sleep walking are the only real hindrance (albeit totally valid concerns), you might approach your primary care provider about other meds. I personally was put on Vyvannse, (I may have misspelled that), and its worked like a charm from day one (minus first month weirdness with appetite etc. Just about every med has a start up period of adjustment.) Others on this forum had to cycle through as many as 5 meds and varying doses to find what was right for their body.
If you have other concerns regarding meds, please feel free to explore them here. No matter what you choose, it is your choice. I simply hear some wondering in your message and I wanted to offer input.
Again, welcome! We have cookies! Somewhere… or did I eat them and forget to make more… heh… :smiley:


#6

You are most definitely not alone! Especially here. It takes time to get a handle on how help yourself we have all learned different trick to help handle / cope with our craziness going on in our minds. Ever need anything even just questions…ask

Welcome to the tribe!


#7

Welcome, Farah!

Most of your initial post is me to a T. Except I had kids before the fears took hold. Flying, check; sometimes driving - I fought that one really hard and have more or less ovsrcome it for now; scary movies, check…

Glad you got some awesome replies already, I’m going to keep this short for once and stop procrastinating now :grin:


#8

Hi Farah! Yes… emotions… lately mine have be all over the place. I was just diagnosed a year ago and have been cycling through different meds and doses. While the medication has been helping, it’s been a struggle to find the right mix. That being said the benefits of it, like actually having the motivation to tackle my ideas, and being able to make lists in my head without frantically writing things down, are worth it.

I came on here cause I’m having a hard night. I just started crying while putting together my clothes and lunch for tomorrow morning because, sheesh, it’s so boring! I felt better reading your post and all the other comments here. Nice to have the tribe.


#9

hi Kelsey, I am glad this forum is a place you can escape to and feel at peace for a moment when you need it. It really is nice and calming to read others are going through the same thing. Take a deep breath and work on one thing at a time. We got this. :slight_smile:


#10

Thank you for commenting! It really is nice to know you go through the same thing. My new thing lately…facing my fears. Because that is all they are. My mind trying to convince me that I am not in control… when we are. Thanks again.


#11

Thank you :slight_smile:


#12

Thank you for the advice. I think what is stopping me is I never want to rely on medication. And yes I don’t know enough medication. I am sure it is silly but I think I don’t want to have to be on medication for the rest of my life… to rely on it. What if it doesn’t work, stops working… idk. I do plan on sitting with a therapist to just express myself. I will definitely see what they have to say about medication. I am a huge believer in holistic means; meditation, yoga, exercise, and trying to keep a positive mindset. But sometimes… it works and sometimes I am still overcome with my thoughts. Thanks again.


#13

If you don’t want to go the medicated route, then you shouldn’t. But it is worth exploring exactly what the issues are. For example ‘I don’t want that for the rest of my life’ is not the same as ‘if it’s just for a year or so to help me learn some new behaviour patterns more easily’.

I am hoping that I will be able to stop the medication in the not too distant future, to be honest. However, the switch from a stimulant to a non-stimulant has not been quite as effective as I had hoped. Unless of course it’s my life rather than the drugs that need changing :sweat_smile:


#14

I’m 29 and have ADHD too! I am also married to a neurotypical person, and I totally relate to feeling jealous. There are many days when I wish so badly that I could just borrow her brain for a little bit. Just long enough to do all of the things I’ve been procrastinating.

I’ve really struggled with this, and especially the anxious part. I often get really bad anxiety over future possibilities and run through hundreds of scenarios when I get fixated on something. I also often convince myself that I’m going to be fired from my job despite my having never been fired before and all the evidence to the contrary. Once that idea gets stuck in my brain, though, I can’t get it out. Thus is the life of an ADHD brain, I guess.

Good luck with nursing school! I just finished grad school a couple months ago, so I know how hard that can be at times with brains like ours. I found the thing that helped me the most was a giant paper calendar designed for senior center activity planning. I put that up in a place where my wife could see exactly what I was getting done. It helped keep my accountable and on track.