Newly diagnosed at 36

Hello! I’m pretty sure the rest of my social media must be tired of me talking about it so I went HEY maybe go find that ADHD forum you’ve been meaning to post in!

I’d been wondering about ADHD for a couple years after a couple friends of mine were diagnosed and started sharing their stories. Specifically other adult women. I was vaguely aware women can also have ADHD, but I very much grew up hearing “that’s just hyper little boys.” I was diagnosed depression/anxiety back when I was 16, but I always felt like there was something more going on since even when I’m mostly doing fine I still struggle with executive function and focus stuff.

Eventually someone posted one of the HowToADHD vids in a thread and somewhere through watching I suddenly remembered something. My dad was diagnosed ADD (I know they don’t use that term anymore) when he was a year older than I am now. He’d actually told me that years ago, I just never once thought to ask questions or consider that might really be a thing to look into.

Got back in touch with him and after we talked about it he recommended I talk to a professional since a lot of things were lining up.

I’m sure it’s a little weird due to covid. My understanding was you usually need to take an in person test, but every place in my area has gone back to telehealth appointments at the moment. I actually wrote out a whole list of things to tell the doctor - at my dad’s recommendation, so I wouldn’t forget something in the moment. And go fig, I didn’t even get through all of it before she started asking questions.

I answered them more honestly than I have in my entire life (I don’t LIKE admitting how often I’ve been late to work or frustrated loved ones by forgetting things) and she was all YUP SURE SOUNDS LIKE ADHD. though not in those words, heh.

We’re starting me on nonstimulants, which is fine with me. I know they take longer and can be less effective but I guess my dad had some issues when they put him on stimulants. I’m a little nervous to take them bc I’ve had some bad side effects from depression/anxiety meds before, but I’m trying to remember this is why we start at a low dose.

Mostly I just…it’s such a relief. It’s the difference between spending my entire life fighting my brain and being angry at myself bc it doesn’t do what I want it to do, and recognizing “Nope! Just how your brain works and you just need to learn how to work with it instead of against it.”

I mean, I have a lot of work ahead of me even if the meds do help. I know that. I need to get some better systems in place. But I can start to be kinder to myself about the things I struggle with. And that is…a LOT. In a good way.


:+1: Glad you found us . . . Welcome!


“The apple does not fall far from the tree!”

I’m 73 with ADHD (diagnosed 20 yrs. ago). My son is 43 with ADHD (diagnosed 38 yrs. ago) and his daughter (my grand) is 11 with ADHD (diagnosed 2 yrs. ago). So two :palm_tree::palm_tree:, two :apple::apple: from them, . . . And one :apple: (me of course) from :open_hands:t2:???


Thank you! And yeah, remembering my dad was diagnosed and talking to him was the single biggest thing that really got me moving on actually talking to a professional instead of “Idk, I should look into that…someday.” :slight_smile:


Glad you’ve started on the path to treatment! It can be so validating and helpful to know that you’ve been dealing with something that explained some of the challenges you’ve faced. I hope that the medication is helpful for you. I found a non-stimulant to be helpful for me but had to change due to side effects. I also hope you find additional support and care with therapy or coaching as needed!


Thank you! It’s an entirely new perspective for me. I have an entire list of things I’ve always just been mad at myself about and now I feel like I can make some choices to learn how to…I don’t want to say “do better” bc I’ve been doing the best I can. But I can find better tools and support to do the things I want to be able to do instead of just be mad at myself that I didn’t spontaneously change things on my own.


Well, let’s consider that with proper medication, tools, and support . . . you very well may “do better” (not with everything . . . but with some tasks and some situations!) Don’t you think? I do . . .

Best of luck . . . :sunglasses:


Hello there and welcome aboard!!!

This sums it up pretty well, I think, the biggest issue that I think we get from being diagnosed later in life (I got mine in my early 30s) is that we can stop trying to change how our brain works and start to learn how to cooperate and work with it, the stigma and all the hardships and trauma we usually get into until to this point can take an extra time and effort to heal from but after you get that cathartic relief moment of forgiving yourself for all the blame and regret about all the things you tried to do, all the relationships and things you thought you had “screwed up” really is like taking a mountain from our shoulders, sure it still has a big road in front of us, but knowing that our driving wheel is a bit different than the usual one really helps us with “steering” ourselves in the right direction.

Try not to worry too much about that, just keep paying attention in yourself and how you feel and if you think that something weird might be happening because of the meds you are taking just talk to your doctor about it as soon as possible, I’m allergic so I have to keep an eye wherever I start a new medication to be sure I don’t get signs of reaction too late, I had a serious issue with one of my meds for asthma that took me a while until I figured it was it that was causing it, also try not to start more than one medication at a time if possible, that way you can proof check each one at a time so you can point out if you get any side effects instead of having to guess which one of the new medications you started taking might be causing the issue (happened to me once…).

I guess I “got” my adhd from my father (he passed away when I was 13 and my parents divorced when I was 1yo, so I really don’t remember much to make a more educated guess), my mother might have it but she is being treated with anxiety but as far as I can tell she don’t had adhd related symptoms consistently enough in her life, so I dunno. Good that your dad could help you in the path for diagnosis, I struggled until I get there by myself later on, adhd wasn’t really a thing adults were supposed to have bakc when I was looking into my issues so it was a bit hard to find even a doctor that would even consider the diagnosis valid and even after finding one, getting the diagnosis and starting the treatment was another journey on it’s one because of all the trouble I had to get the prescription for the first time because of my asthma and concerns about my heart not being able to handle both medication at the same time (My father died from cardiac arrest so that spiced thing a little bit more) took me about 2 or 3 months to finally start with the medications after the diagnosis.

Don’t worry about the hard work, that work get a lot easier when we learn how to work in our own way, after you get the handle of it things even can become easy (I manage to go from clutter master to be relatively well organized person that got very good at planning things ahead of time and even being able to be on time for my appointments), I still have a lot work to do to improve certain things, specially on the emotional side of things, but I learned to try and focus on one thing at a time and move on to the next when I feel comfortable enough for the next thing (can be slow to progress but it’s been working for me so far and for someone who had to kind of self coach myself on my adhd I can’t really complain at it).

Feel free to ask if you have any question and congratulations for being awesome!!! :smile:


To be more ‘effective’ with the enormous effort you put in. :slightly_smiling_face:
Would that perhaps be a way to put it?