This sounds like an issue related to executive functioning. Executive function is essentially your brains ability to plan, initiate, and sustain it’s concentration on executing tasks.
Which is something that we brains pretty much suck at for the most part XD
Understanding what we theorize the science of it to be may help.
Basically your brain is full of cool little dudes called neurons, and neurons are responsible for transporting signals and “messages” around the brain. I think of them like little tiny people in a chain passing a letter down the line from one to the next.
Except they can’t quite reach each other. When they reach out to each other, they’re still not able to touch each other’s hands to put that letter directly from one hand to the next. 🧍 …🧍 🧍 🧍 🧍
Neurotransmitters are responsible for filling the gaps. A neurotypical person has an adequate amount of each neurotransmitter, which acts as like a gust of wind that helps blow the letter across the gap from one neuron’s hand to the next, or like a puddle it can be floated across, or some other comparison else of that nature.
🧍 🧍 🧍 🧍
In an ADHD brain three specific neurotransmitters are theorized to be lacking: seratonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine. These helps us to initiate our thoughts as actions in normal/happy times. (Distress transmitters such as adrenaline activate during times of stress, danger, frustration, etc, although lower levels are still present regularly.)
So essentially the way ADHD effects executive functioning is by the part of the brain that thinks “we should do XYZ,” trying to transmit a signal, but that signal not effectively reaching the part of the brain that actually initializes that action.
It’s just a giant game of telephone where brain A screams “Come on and do it already!!!” And brain B yells back “What? I didn’t catch that?” All because the neurons aren’t passing enough letters along for the message to resonate clearly due to the gaps between them not being properly bridged.
🧍 🧍 … 🧍…
The result is us screaming at ourselves internally to change what we’re doing, but not being able to. This gets us labelled as lazy, unmotivated, scatter brained, and a whole slew of other things. The reality of it is that our brain isn’t communicating with itself properly.
Medication, exercise, and a balanced diet all can help to increase the levels of neurotransmitters necessary to get those messages to transmit more properly, but there will still be times where we just can’t do the thing, and it’s something that we just have to live with.
My best advice: Forgive yourself for your brain chemistry. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Research healthy methods of increasing the effected neurotransmitters and try your best to implement the strategies that work best for you. Just know that you aren’t alone in your confusion and frustration❤️