Oversharing? TMI? Is it ADHD?

I’ve been called out by my boss for over sharing. Albeit she is the most controlled distanced person I’ve ever met.

But anyway, I LOVE to over share. I find peoples vulnerability is how I know I can trust them. I find people willing to be silly disarming and charming. And ok I do maybe use a bit of oversharing as a technique for self deprecating humour.

I have read as much as I can find and what aligns for me is that I do it to reach out and make people like me, and also out of anxiety.

I rarely do it without intent. I actually am acutely aware because my boss hates it so much.

But I also am the one at work willing to ask THAT question that no one else will ask, the one we are all thinking like “are we going to get fired?” But I usually do it with a bit of humour “it’s me again, here we go with THE awkward question! Sorry!”.

For me honesty, especially emotional honesty is key.if I’m apprehensive a bout a project I’ll say so, because I know the rest of the team is too but none of them will say it. Pretending to be happy all the time is a sure fire way to me going bat s**t crazy!

And if I’m sick because of X or Y, I want my team to know why, because I feel bad. I feel responsible. My ADHD impacts them, so now I say, I’m not so good at A but I’m great if we B, so let’s try that next time…I don’t want people thinking “ gee she has a lot of sick days” and not knowing why. I know others in my team are more private and I respect that, but shouldn’t my choice be respected too?

It’s not like I get into gory detail!!

I’m sick of playing pretend, like we’re robots and only positive comments are allowed.

Is this my childhood trauma? Yes… but is it also my ADHD?

Have you guys had trouble for being tooo TMI?

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I’m not sure if it is ADHD. But yes I do this too. It’s like I’m very sensitive to tensions within a group. And I feel a need to overshare to deflate the tension.

It’s often not appreciated. But I’ve seen a lot of groups fall apart from arguments and disagreements shortly after I left. So I’d like to think that my oversharing was actually holding them together.

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Weird! Yeah it mights have been groups that could not be saved…

I’m the person that gets the conversation started with the first stupid thought in my head, it is usually so bad others feel compelled to say something better…. Works a charm almost every time…. Once we were stuck with my stupid idea and I had to reveal my tactic, but no one could think of anything better…

I overshare with my friends chronically because I can’t keep anything in… I need someone to talk to… they seem usd to it…. And supportive…. I just seem to lurch from drama to drama or health issue to health issue… my psych promises I’m not “histrionic” which is good. I have enough psych issues!

At my old job I talked too much. About everything. I didn’t get into health things so much, but the amount that I talked was not helpful to my productivity. I had to go through exercises with my therapist, but I’ve gotten better at not over-talking. :stuck_out_tongue:

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At some point I was listening to a presentation by some guy we hired. He was showing us lots of graphs and diagrams. And I didn’t understand them. But no one in the room was saying anything.

So at some point I just told the guy I did not understand what I was looking at. And he reacted agitated and asked me to clarify. I started to point out some apparent errors and inconsistencies I saw. And he tried to explain. But he was in real trouble. He couldn’t answer my questions. Only mutter more nonsense. I was not satisfied with his explanation and told him so.

The guy went mad. Even straight out called me and my questions stupid. But none of my colleages in the room spoke up. They just watched it go by in silence. Which really triggered my insecurities. Took some restraint not to leave the room in a rage right then and there.

Yet a day later, I discussed what had transpired with my colleages. They told me they also didn’t understand the graphs and how unnacceptable it had been that he called me stupid. How glad they had been that I had asked those questions. That I had set him straight.

But I would really have appreciated it if they had spoken up the day before. Yet somehow most people choose to take the road of least resistance.

This is an every day occurrence for me. I get in trouble with management for asking the question but several colleagues thank me for asking it.

Apparently this behaviour is more tied to being raised by a narcissist forme. I wasgaslit my whole childhood. So now ihave a need to speak up and get honest answers.

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Sometimes I come across to others as being insensitive. Maybe this is because sometimes without thinking I say what my gut tells me. But my gut is very often right. If I am picking up on a particular vibe then I assume others are as well. I’m just the guy who puts words to the thought. Sometimes that works real well and other times it can be a disaster. In some ways I think that I have contradictions with respect to my behavior. Sometimes, I may seem insensitive . . . and at other times . . . overly sensitive. Some times my impulsivity serves me well because I don’t hesitate to say what needs to be said. And of course other times I create a problem, for myself and others, that would best to have been avoided.

Contradictions . . . makes life interesting, difficult, though most of the time they cannot be avoided.

:sunglasses:

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I relate to every word you say… it’s exhausting… humans are so complex

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Regarding oversharing/TMI… Yeah, I do this.

Until my first retail job, which I started working at 19, I was painfully shy, a wallflower, a total introvert. It took me months to be able to start speaking to customers without feeling afraid or judged for my lack of people skills. I had a very strong case of Impostor Syndrome.

As I’ve mentioned in a couple of other posts once upon a time, my breakthrough moment was having an epiphany … that the most frequently asked question was “where’s the bathroom”!

After that, I came to the realization that I could get customers to open up by being genuinely open first… Which directly led to my tendency towards oversharing.


Now, I sometimes realize when I’ve accidentally shared potentially off-putting information, which will make me feel self-conscious about doing so. It seems I’ve come full-circle, from being silent because I was self-conscious, to becoming self-conscious when I said too much. But, all that I can do is to “own it”… accept what I’ve done, realize whatever damage that might have been done, and move on.

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Hi!

I would say it depends on whether it’s just your boss or whether it’s your coworkers too. One option is that your boss likes to have everything professional and under control and your openness drives her crazy because she is too reserved. On the other hand, it could be detrimental to the working environment if you’d be for example talking about yourself all the time and distracting others from work. You could also come across as annoying or mature if you overshare regardless of the context. Also, I think that in our society repression and keeping up the persona is often a standard and what you are doing could be healthier than what others are.

Then it also depends on if you are comfortable with oversharing or not, It won’t be a good idea to publicly say things that can be readily used to hurt and degrade you.

I wouldn’t say I have a problem with oversharing, I don’t know how to talk about myself properly. Occasionally when I try to be open it might come across as inappropriate or immature just because I don’t know how to do it sensibly.

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I’m starting to have the same problem at work. In the past, I always gave my boss a reason for why I was running late to a meeting, couldn’t reach a deadline, or had missed something on our team schedule. Nowadays, my boss cuts me off when I go to explain what happened, and one of my coworkers told me that he cuts me off because I overshare. And now my boss has started cutting me off during meetings when I go to give my opinion about something, again because of the oversharing and my tendency to repeat myself (I often repeat my key statements for emphasis.) So now I’m becoming discouraged from talking at all during meetings.

I’ve also lost career opportunities in the past for “questioning the system” and “being disrespectful to superiors,” when all I was doing was asking why something was done the way it was done, and trying to come up with a more efficient method.

Even though I have these issues at work, I don’t realize when I do them, and have a difficult time trying to figure out what is socially acceptable in terms of oversharing/questioning and what isn’t. There are all these hidden social rules that it feels like everyone else in the room already knows, and I somehow missed a memo.

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Yeah my boss has personal issues she cannot deal with me having emotions, she is extremely controlling, always looking to shut me down, but I’m realising it’s her issue. None of the other bosses would have an issue with it.

I feel this.

There is a boss at work who now cannot let me finish a sentence, like she is going to bite my tongue off… but it just makes her look bad because I’m not suggesting unreasonable things. I’m just trying to do my job. Fortunately I don’t have much contact with her.

I find it hard to read situations too, and it’s often based on who is the boss in the room.

But you can’t be authentic to yourself if you are constantly changing your behaviour to please people.

I also think it’s good for well being and transparency at work to be emotionally honest and a truth teller, there’s whole videos on truth tellers that grew up with childhood trauma,

Truth tellers always have targets on their back.

I’m learning now, that sometimes the oversharing is out of anxiety and by explaining that, my boss accepts it a bit better.

I also had my first sick day yesterday where I just emailed the boss and said I wasn’t well. I usually am specific, but it was so freeing to just say “I’m not well”. I think years of scrutiny at a call centre where they would ask you a million questions on the phone if you called in sick really gave me a guilt complex….