I’m a 30 year old man and I’m terrified about my dr appointment tomorrow.
I have some hope that it will go well, hope he will have ideas for medications. I tried meds back when i was in school, but never as an adult. When i had production type jobs or when i taught karate i felt my ADHD was more of an asset and i didn’t need meds. But i am in sales now and can’t pick up the phone due to wall of awful and task list overwhelm.
I have so much hope for meds helping me quiet the thoughts or at least letting me hold on to a thought long enough to get it down in writing. this feels so disjointed. just like all of my thoughts and i’m tired. In my early 20s i had the energy to deal with this, but over the last few years between having a kid, having another on the way, and making 3 job changes, I just don’t have the energy for it anymore.
what if the meds work! Maybe this exhausting storm of thoughts, which i used to think was just normal, will calm down. even just for a little while. and i’ll be able to be present with my son, have a conversation with my wife without wandering off in my mind. maybe i’ll be able to just call the people on my frickin task list. Maybe i’ll be able to sit by myself and not be driven insane by the incessant and unrelenting thoughts.
but what if they don’t. or worse, what if they do and it’s like it was in school when i could get my work in but i couldn’t make people laugh anymore.
is it selfish to be this concerned about myself when my wife is going to go into labor any day now? Am i just making up the problems in my head to get attention since so much of that has gone to my son, and now my second is coming and I can’t imagine my wife having any time or energy for me whatsoever?
this wasn’t what this post was supposed to be about, but i’m just super overwhelmed with this spiral of thoughts and emotions and i don’t know what to do about it… i’m tired.
thanks for letting me vent.