overwhelmed

I’m a 30 year old man and I’m terrified about my dr appointment tomorrow.

I have some hope that it will go well, hope he will have ideas for medications. I tried meds back when i was in school, but never as an adult. When i had production type jobs or when i taught karate i felt my ADHD was more of an asset and i didn’t need meds. But i am in sales now and can’t pick up the phone due to wall of awful and task list overwhelm.

I have so much hope for meds helping me quiet the thoughts or at least letting me hold on to a thought long enough to get it down in writing. this feels so disjointed. just like all of my thoughts and i’m tired. In my early 20s i had the energy to deal with this, but over the last few years between having a kid, having another on the way, and making 3 job changes, I just don’t have the energy for it anymore.

what if the meds work! Maybe this exhausting storm of thoughts, which i used to think was just normal, will calm down. even just for a little while. and i’ll be able to be present with my son, have a conversation with my wife without wandering off in my mind. maybe i’ll be able to just call the people on my frickin task list. Maybe i’ll be able to sit by myself and not be driven insane by the incessant and unrelenting thoughts.

but what if they don’t. or worse, what if they do and it’s like it was in school when i could get my work in but i couldn’t make people laugh anymore.

is it selfish to be this concerned about myself when my wife is going to go into labor any day now? Am i just making up the problems in my head to get attention since so much of that has gone to my son, and now my second is coming and I can’t imagine my wife having any time or energy for me whatsoever?

this wasn’t what this post was supposed to be about, but i’m just super overwhelmed with this spiral of thoughts and emotions and i don’t know what to do about it… i’m tired.

thanks for letting me vent.

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Glad you offered the discussion, hope your appointment goes/went well. :slight_smile: We’re thinking positive things for you.

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The first message I wrote I deleted because I felt like I said too much. One thing that stuck out well a couple things stuck out for me. One of them is the right medication shouldn’t change your personality who you are. The best medication is the one with no side effects. For me when I started a medication I gave it a few weeks know that I will feel different and just give a little time for your body to get used to the medication. If it’s the right medication for you you shouldn’t have side effects. You should feel the same but you know it’s working because your not struggling with your adhd Symptoms so much anymore. A pill is part of the solution, learning skills, understanding how your brain works and figuring out what works for you take I think forever but it gets better if you want it to and make an effort.
Sorry, that was pretty long, something I’m try to work on myself is learning to say what I want to in 2-3 sentences.
Okay one more comment, I liked how you pointed out that you recognize that your freaking out right in that moment while you wrote your post. It’s awesome to be self aware because if you’re self aware of your behaviors you can do something about it to change it. Like for example when I was upset, crying or something in front of someone and I think I was embarrassed and kept apologizing. She told me don’t be sorry. It’s okay to be upset, sad, angry etc. if you’re upset be upset and know that this moment will pass. For me hearing her say it’s okay and that this moment will pass is something I have now always think to myself when I’m really depressed or something. It calms me down.

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Thanks for that! doc prescribed Adderall. That is what I took in high school, so far it has been amazing to be able to not have the swirly thoughts… or, rather, to be able to hold thoughts in my head long enough to let them develop a bit. Also spending time with my son without getting bored, and then feeling guilty for not enjoying time with my little boy is awesome. I had a panic attack last night maybe because of it, I don’t know. It might not have been a panic attack though because as unpleasant as it was it felt productive.

I think ADHD has cause many cognitive distortions in my mind. I’m glad to at least be taking steps toward improving my brain.

thanks for your response @Lovinit & @cliftonprince

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