parents who don't understand

not sure if im doing this properly but i guess its worth a shot, i was diagnosed in 2012 (when i was 8 years old) with adhd and i really struggled as a child, i was on medication for it but i got the worst side effects, i lost my apatite which resulted in me losing weight which as already a problem for me because i am small in general, i was bullied in primary school because of my weight and my family would go on about it all the time, i ended up being very insecure about my weight and i still am today. i had headaches so I’d come home and sleep after school which ruined my sleepies schedule and it effected the way i interacted with my peers. i stopped taking the medication about a year later and I haven’t taken it since, im now 17 years old and i realized my parents don’t even know what i was diagnosed with and how it effects my life, im struggling with school and considering going back on a different medication to help me cope because I’m struggling so much to the point where im questioning my worth and my will to live is at a minimum, i honestly dont know what to do because if i speak to my parents they’ll say that im not trying hard enough and im making excuses for myself.

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This basically explains these last 2 months for me in a nutshell. My exact fear and everything. I am waiting for my older brother to get tested for ADD (he is in college) and if he gets diagnosed I will probably tell my parents that I want to get tested as well as it is highly genetic.

Also welcome!!

vh0622 ~ Trent

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Welcome here to the HowToADHD forums @erin !

You most assuredly gave a good Introduction of yourself and your ADHD journey thus far.

I also grew up very underweight (a somewhat tall and very skinny beanpole of a guy), and from that I think I can relate at least somewhat to the struggles and bullying that you’ve been through. My dad had been teased as a kid for being overweight, and so my parents didn’t ever make a big deal about me being underweight.

Some medications definitely can reduce appetite. ADHD stimulant medications list that as a potential side effect. I didn’t have that particular side effect when I was on a stimulant earlier this year.
Perhaps a different dosage or a different medication would help you without the side effects. I started on a stimulant, but I’m now on a non-stimulant medication

(I’m in my mid-40s and wasn’t diagnosed until last year, so I didn’t grow up with an ADHD diagnosis. I only knew that I was different somehow, but I wasn’t hyperactive and only moderately Inattentive, so my ADHD wasn’t noticed back when I was in school.)

I don’t know how your parents are. As a parent, I would want my kids to tell me what they are struggling with.
It may help if you’re upfront with them, telling them something like, “I just need you to hear me out; these are the things I’m struggling with…”

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Being misunderstood is the worst thing on the planet. My parents also misunderstood me for a long time. I got diagnosed at 18 and for both me and my parents it was a huge relief and they finally understood me in many ways they never did before.

Tell your parents to educate themselves on ADHD, cause you’re trying the best you can. You’re not making excuses, you’re just seriously struggling cause you have a condition that causes you to do so. I have a litteral document that I got at therapy that explains how ADHD works exactly. There’s also enough to find about it online. If anyone is being ignorant to me I always tell them to educate themselves before judging. Away from that I just learned to not acknowledge ignorance. Ignore it. That’s obviously easier said then done, but I’m sure you can do it.

I absolutely get that the will to live isn’t there when you feel alone and misunderstood. I’ve been in those shoes myself. And I have a best friend who’s in a similar situation. But I always tell her: as long as you’re still on this planet, there’s a reason for it. If you were useless to be on here, you wouldn’t have been here in the first place. God or the universe or whatever you believe in doesn’t put people here for no reason. Everyone who’s on this planet has a reason to be here. I mean, my mom cheated and I came out of that. I’m “not supposed to be here”. I was still born. And it is for a reason. I didn’t see there was one for a while, but I’m happy that I came back to me senses about that.
I’m not telling you to be happy, stop being depressed or that the feelings you’re having right now are invalid, cause they are surely valid. You’re feeling them for a reason. I just wanna pass the knowledge I gained from being suicidal myself to you. It’s okay to feel worthless. Everyone feels that way sometimes. But know in your heart that you’re not. And it’s very wrong for people to make comments about your weight. Especially in this situation it’s absolutely not your fault. I myself have never been the skinniest. I’m a curvy person. If I’d be snacking a little too much sometimes my parents would tell me things thay would come down to me being fat. And I’m not. It caused my to have a rocky relationship with food. And I’m still trying to figure out what would be a healthy relationship. But at least I’m doing better. I know you can do it too. I’m cheering you on! We’re pretty close to each other in age (I’m 20) so I think that helps a bit to understand you.

Just hang on in there. After a rainstorm always comes sunshine. Sometimes it takes a while, sometimes it’s there really fast. Nonetheless, try to keep going. I know you have it in you to do it. And when everything will get a bit better, I’m sure you’ll see it’s worth the struggle. You’ll learn from this and get wiser. And you can help other people in turn who are also struggling afterwards. Just make sure to help yourself first.

I hope this was good advice for you. You can always reach out to me for help or advice. I’m here.
Lots of love from Bubbles.

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i really appreciate your reply, thank you so much… it really makes me feel a bit better knowing there is someone who had a similar experience and is still alive. :sunny: your really means a lot to me! i hope you’re doing okay and i wish all the best for you!:yellow_heart:

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thank you for the advice, it helps so much!:yellow_heart:

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yes that definitely seems like the smart thing to do, i hope you’re coping with everything that you might be going through, all the best. :yellow_heart:

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Exams are stressing me out… like a ton and not sure how this year will end but I have my goals set and I am working towards them!

honestly, i can relate I’m extremely stressed and homework makes me cry to be honest like i see the other students in my class are able to focus on everything and get their work done and i struggle which really sucks because i know im not stupid, i just struggling sometimes and as a result i end up crying every time i need to do something and watching the “how to adhd” YouTube videos really calms me down and makes me happy. good luck with exams, i know its not easy but i believe that you’re going to do amazing regardless (amazing meaning you’re going to get up and try your best even if you don’t pass, just trying is way more than enough and you should be extremely proud of yourself for just getting out of bed because a lot of times people can’t even do that which obviously isn’t their fault. my point is be proud of how far you’ve come.:yellow_heart:)

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i hope you achieve all your goals!:yellow_heart:

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Thanks erin

No problem. You’re absolutely not the only one who experiences these things. I’m doing amazing now.

You should also know, you’ve come to an age where you’re slowly becoming independent so you’re likely to have a few more arguments with your parents than you’re used to. That’s absolutely normal. I had the same thing. I live with my boyfriend now but still mom has to help me to get the house cleaned every now and then cause I procrastinate like a champion on it. So I’m definitely still struggling a lot. And I think it works the same for everybody here: we wanna get the things done but we just can’t seem to do it. It can be painful to do these things sometimes. It’s that hard. But you’re absolutely not alone in that. We all have this on this forum

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