Planning funerals.


#1

Here is a little starting point for what to do when you need to plan a funeral.

In advance.

  • Talk to your loved ones and get a good idea on what they themselves want. Songs, hymns and favorite color and the like. Do they want to be cremated?
  • Take notes on anecdotes with your mom, dad, siblings, children, grandparents and best friends. The anecdotes that are most telling of the person’s identity. Good to add in the speech the priest is going to hold.

During the preparation.

  • Check out a company that is taking care of the overall planning of place, date, priest and musician. Choose the one that is close to where you live if possible. Let the company set up date and church or venue. The company will also be able to provide an ad for the local paper.
  • Add the information you have worked on in advance (the two points in the text above) implement this or think long and hard about what will be good music and memories to add.
  • Check with the flora company and choose what you think is appropriate for the occasion.
  • Go through your closet and think about what clothes that is best suited for the occasion. Always have some black clothes if you are a woman and a good suit if you are a man.
  • Does your family and friends want a lunch meeting after the service or something else like cakes? Let someone arrange this.
  • Write a journal during the hard times.
  • Ask for help from family members and devide the planning between the members of possible.

During and after.

  • Thank all people who showed up.
  • Take care of yourself and your grieving process. Do not rush or expect anything. Your process is yours and yours alone.
  • Tell your boss about what have happen and seek for time off for funeral and understanding of how you feel about the situation and if you all of a sudden are having a hard time with sleeping, getting in time to work and all practical shortcomings you might experience. It is better to tell the truth.
  • Grieve and take time for feelings to come and go as they please. Do not make any changes to your life and make too many new routines, it will likely be bad ideas. Set up a time after 3-6 months for future plans.

If anyone needs any help this is what I have been doing with the funeral of my dad more or less.


#2

If you’re not next of kin or in the family closest.

  • Ask if anyone needs support.
  • Take a look at your closet and always have a set of appropriate clothes just in case you need to go to a funeral.
  • Help others with practical things like driving a car or order a taxi. Fix food and laundry or such.
  • Be a good employer or a good boss if you are a boss.

#3

I’m sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing your pracfical tips, though I hope not to need them any time soon.


#4

Great and insightful advice.


#5

I hope you are okay with me adding some things to the list.

  • Through the whole process, be okay with what you feel. It’s okay to feel sad and crying all the time, it’s okay to not having to cry at all. It’s okay feeling relieved, as it might be, for example, a nice thought of them not being in pain anymore. It’s okay to not feel anything at all and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed with everything, including all your feelings.
  • If you are very close, it might be possible to get a necklace with a fingerprint of them. (google “silver fingerprint”) I really love having something that personal and it is possible to have even when the deceased will be buried.
  • And trust me, one day, you will be able to think about them and just smile, being happy thinking about them - and not just sad, and even when you were (at one point) afraid you were forgetting how they were, memories will get back