Productive Rabbit Hole.

I got sucked down this particular rabbit hole via YouTube, as I waited for my fiancé to say she is on her way home from work, and I’d find my motivation to do the dishes.

In one of the videos Jessica mentioned, in passing, something about something her husband said on the way to his diagnosis. I can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like if my partner was also Adhd. She’s a saint for her patience with me. My adhd is more then enough to consistently battle with, I can’t imagine how exhausting it would be to compound that. Or, is it comforting to have a partner that knows exactly what you’re going through?

The countdown to my wedding just ticked under six months. Me and my fiancé both work a lovely 7pm-7am schedule which makes getting things done, on normal people time, so much more difficult. Have I mentioned that we’re getting married half way across the country, where we met, and closer to where we both grew up? We’re not great at the wedding planning stuff but all the pieces seem to be falling into place pretty well. Luckily, adhd has prepared me for this moment… I’ll getting around to sweating the little stuff… eventually.

Any advice for an adhd wedding? I’m sure I haven’t even begun to figure out exactly how the adhd will come into play on that day, and more importantly beyond that day.

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Regardless of ADHD, the wedding day itself will be a blur. Try to get as much planned in advance as you can, and try to offload the day of responsibilities to your wedding partner or a friend. You don’t want to also be putting out fires while you’re trying to be in the moment and get through the chaos of a wedding.

So, pick a good friend or wedding party to help on the day of. In advance, outline the things that need to be taken care of and do as many as you can early, and keep working on the other stuff on a timeline that makes sense. A lot of stuff like location, caterer, cake maker, photographer, invites, etc. can be done months and months in advance. Other things like reminder calls to those people, paying for things, picking a music list, finalizing guest lists, and other things can be done a little later on. Bottom line, make sure you’re planning the right wedding for you and that you will enjoy it. It’s easy to get carried away in trying to make other people comfy or happy. This is YOUR day. Make it what you want it to be. And know that no matter how much planning you do, something is bound to go wrong so it’s good to have other people there to handle that.

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you can’t go wrong if you follow your impulses . . . let me rephrase that :sunglasses::bangbang:

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Talk about poor impulse control, the prior message got out before I intended. I think having a non-ADHD partner is a great advantage. I can’t imagine what my life would be, more specifically what my marriage would be, if my wife also was one of the tribe. I’ve been married 46 years and have been blessed with a wonderful woman who understands me and, while not always with respect to what she puts up as a result of my ADHD . . . She is my best friend. If you have that, everything will be fine for the wedding and, more importantly, for the years ahead.

Best of luck to you both♥️

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My spouse has ADHD and I’m in the diagnostic process. I would be in much worse shape if I didn’t have a great teammate and my great teammate is someone who also has ADHD. We have different areas where we struggle the most, so we’re still able help balance each other. Neither of us knew we had ADHD for the first decade of our relationship. Identifying it has been really helpful for our communication, but even before that it was a really good relationship.

On the wedding day it gets really busy. Remember to slow down and breath. Try not to miss any meals earlier in the day. Don’t feel like things have to be perfect, just try to relax and have fun. We had a big mock battle at our wedding for all the guests that wanted to play. Wedding planning lists have a lot of things on them, but only a few of them are truly necessary, so we picked out the things we actually wanted and skipped most of the others.

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A mock bottle on your wedding day . . . WOW! That was brave. But to have the courage and confidence to do that is impressive. I can certainly see advantages for both of both partners having ADHD. Like I hinted at earlier, sometimes when I get angry over little nothings and take it out on my wife that is essentially how she sees it. I do what I can to tame my ADHD and have done pretty well . . . but when I get angry (And generally that does not mean yelling and never cursing) she will not give ADHD its due.

Life, as is marriage . . . can be interesting!

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My wife and I have been married for 6 years. She doesn’t have ADHD. But, she is very patient with me. I’m thankful. She’s one of the reasons I got diagnosed. Another being my best friend who has it. I finally got to a point that I thought something wasn’t right with me. I was constantly forgetting things she asked me to do or conversations we supposedly had it would cause problems. We’d end up arguing about it. Then, 2 minutes later I’d be fine. I’d forget what the fight was even about. I honestly thought I was bi polar or something. After talking to my best friend about these issues he suggested I might have ADHD and should go see someone. After I got diagnosed though, it cleared everything up. She started to understand a little more why I would act like that. We still struggle today. Even though for a while she felt I was using ADHD as an excuse when I forgot the dishes or what not. We had to sit down and talk about it. I had to open up to her and explain that I wasn’t trying to use it as an excuse but it’s just the reason why I don’t do things right or at all. Now she’s understanding more and more. And been trying to help find tools that will help me. She’s been super supportive. That’s the key I had been missing for years and years. Someone who would support me with my different brain.
As for our wedding. I’ll be honest. I was almost no help. I give her all the credit. I wanted her to have her perfect wedding. I couldn’t have cared if we had a wedding at all or went to city hall or something as long as I married her. But, also I’m really bad at making decisions on stuff I know nothing about. Like, what kind of flowers we want. Or what kind of food to have catered. We did agree on the colors, because our favorite color is blue. So that was an easy one. And when it came to the day. The only thing that was important was to have fun and enjoy ourselves. For marriage. I think if both of you are aware that one has ADHD, it can be worked out. If you don’t know however, it’s pretty freaking tough. So be thankful that she knows. Maybe she can’t fully relate to you but at least you too can still work through it. And having someone supportive with you is a blessing. I’m with you on the work schedule though. When we got married, she was working days and I was working nights. So we could only get things done on the weekends. Oh. And I think I feel the same way about having a partner with ADHD. If it weren’t for my wife not having it, I don’t think we would get anything done. Especially with our two kids. Our house is a constant wreck even with my wife trying to keep it clean all the time. I honestly try to put forth effort. But it usually ends up the same way. I get distracted and start doing something else. Then she comes in like, “Wtf I thought you were (vacuuming/cleaning/doing the dishes/doing laundry/etc)”

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