Really struggling - got zero hope for the future

Feel stupid even writing here, but have nobody/nowhere to open up, talk to, feel understood…

Never been this down, so close to giving up completley the only thing stopping that is knowing what it would do to my brother.

Feel so trapped and stuck, almost like i am cornered and when i think about it i just meltdown

I am getting on a bit now too, and that just keeps in my mind on how little i have done/got and will never actually get

Confidence gone
Esteem gone
Self worth gone
Hope gone
Ambition gone

All gone

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Hi @steve_j, if it helps, feel free to open up here as much as you feel like. We as a community do care and understand what our fellow ADHDers go through. Some time opening up and in trying express yourself in a way others can understand can also suggest some solutions. If you can express how you feel instead of just keeping it all bottled up can also help. You can shift from feeling just pain to what you can do about it. In the moment it all seems extremely overwhelming but if you can somehow move forward, in hindsight it may not seem so bad.

It is clear you care about and have compassion for your brother. Can you apply the same care and compassion for yourself? How would you help your brother if he were in the same situation? What sort of advice would you give him?

Can you open up to your brother? In addition UK must have helpline for people in similar situations. May be you can talk to them? May be they can suggest some solutions if there is a specific situation that makes you feel trapped and stuck?

One thing that has always helped me is to go take a very long walk. Or go out in the nature and try to see the beauty of the world. Smell the flowers, see a pretty sunset, birds, kids and animals playing, go to the seashore etc. etc. Somehow I can walk my blues away (though, to be frank I haven’t felt that blue in a very long while). May be you can too?

Hang in there!

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Having noone to open up to sucks bigtime indeed.

But you are better than you give yourself credit.

Try looking at your percieved failures or failed ambitions in a different way.

Accept your weaknesses. Embrace your strengths. Rewrite your ambitions accordingly.

Go forward from there.

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. . . feel understood . . .

That’s what all of us here try our best to do!

In the midst of the overwhelming situation you are struggling with . . . there’s a glimmer of hope that “feel understood” reveals.

I was in a similar, dark place years ago. And like you, it was thinking of my wife, each dark day, that enabled me to connect one day with the next, . . . and those to follow, that enabled me to reach my 75th year of life . . .

Years ago I read a book (about ADHD) entitled, NO EASY ANSWERS! When things were black I would remember that title, accept that as fact, and then take each hour . . . each day . . . as one moment in time . . . the most important moment in time . . . trying not to look in the rear view mirror, but rather doing my best to deal with and get beyond to the next moment in time!

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Agreed @Brooklyn

I’ve also found that at some point I felt that I was ‘stuck’ trying to get somewhere. Felt miserable for not fulfilling my ambitions.

And what eventually helped me was the realization that my ambitions did not match my particular strengths and weaknesses.

I was going along a path mostly set for neurotypicals. But it turned out that what everyone wanted to be, or thought I should be, wasn’t what I should want to be.

Accepting that, and letting go of those ambitions was very hard (no easy answers indeed). It felt like failing in the eyes of so many people that had always driven me in an effort to ‘simply prove them wrong about me’. Which, in my mind at that time, felt like they had been right about me all along. It actually took me the better part of a year to mourn myself through this acceptance phase. But it did pave the way forward.

Realizing ‘they’ really weren’t right about me. Realizing I shouldn’t yearn to be recognized by ‘them’ anymore.

Realizing how much of a load of my shoulders had been lifted.

I was lucky to find my strengths and was even able to sell it to a new employer that valued them. It’s been a nice ride from there on so far…

I’m not suggesting the above should work for or even apply to anyone else but me. So take with it what you can/want.

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Damn i just dont want to be here anymore

Waste of oxygen

Burden on all

If only i was brave enough to do it…wishfull thinking ay

While the nature of our-connection here is frustratingly limited, in how much we can help each other from afar, without the benefit of being face-to-face . . . we sincerely hope that we can, in some small but significant way be successful.

You chose to give this community a try . . . a chance. Give us a chance. Stay connected. Share whatever you choose to share.

I have been in a similar dark place. Just as impulsive were my plans . . . I am so thankful that I chose to stay alive one more day. Like you, thoughts of the devastating effect that would crash down upon my family . . . kept me going one more day and all that followed . . . one day at a time.

Barry

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I’m late to join the conversation, but I also want to encourage you to stay connected, and to just take it one day at a time.

Oh, how much I can relate to those sentiments. It seems like for several years I’ve been going through one rough patch after another. But I know that I have to keep going.

I’ve struggled for most of my life with confidence, self esteem, self worth (to a high degree, but not completely) and ambition. Sometimes, the only thing I have to cling to is a very, very slim ray of hope. For that, I credit my parents and the faith they taught me, to understand that when I’m at my lowest, it doesn’t have to be the end of everything for me.

My struggle right now is that my confidence is wrecked, my self esteem is nil, my self worth is deflated, and my ambition is fleeting. Three months ago, I moved across the US to be with my kids, but had to give up a good job to do so. And for three months, I’ve been struggling to get a new job in my field. I’ve run out of money, and had to ask for help from my parents and my older brother…a few times.

This is the longest I’ve ever been without income. (I know others have been through worse, but this hits really hard because I’ve never struggled so hard to get a job… except a few years ago when I was desperate to change jobs, to get out from under the thumb of a terrible manager.)

My life has gone through cycles like this, maybe a few good years, followed by several difficult years. Still, I have hope for a little bit of good ahead, even if my path only looks dark.

Yet, I know that I have to keep trying. If it wasn’t for my kids, I’d have slunk back to the other side of the country to beg for my old job back, even if my hours and pay rate were cut and I had to live in my parents house again.

That faint whisper of hope keeps me going, aided with some encouragement that I’ve gotten from fellow Brains here, and fellow Brains from a coaching program I just went through, and from family, and the few good friends who haven’t shut me out.

I’m going to keep trying, taking it one day at a time. And I’m encouraging you to do the same. Just get through one day at a time.

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All of us experience that stage at some point of our lives. It almost gets the best of us when we least expect of it. It also doesn’t help if there is no one to talk and rant about it.

I feel into that stage when I was a junior high student. Being a part of the scholars in our school, we are expected to maintain a quota in our final grades. From the start, I had only 1 subject that was not on or over that quota. The first time I was called to the principals office, I was soooo nervous. After the discussion, I was sooo disheartened and scared that I could loose my scholarship.

A year later, I thought of stopping my scholarship due to the hardships and low self-esteem caused by my grades. Fortunately, I had my mother to seek advice and my promise to help my family.

Again, all of us experience that at some point in our lives. We just need an escape and someone who will listen. Do something productive whenever you feel like a waste of space. Help around the house, listen to music at max volume, or get a new hobby. It helps us to keep our minds away from reality.

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I hope you are holding on. I know that in such situations it can be extremely difficult to seek help or even feel deserving of it and it seems like there is nothing in life when all the happy feelings have vanished, but please force yourself into believing and seek help wherever you can. Whatever are your circumstances, they can change and I am sure you are just as capable and deserving as every human being. I don’t know you, but your life matters to me! All life matters to me!

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Appreciate the concern, but no more help out there for me unfortunately

I am literally all out of fight and hope

Out of here - thanks to everyone here for trying.

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We are here . . . should you decide to join the discussion again!
I hope you do . . .

Barry

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I’m sorry for missing your reply. I don’t know if this is helpful, but there are people in all sorts of situations and as long as they have hope, they keep going. Often they are happy despite their circumstances. Consider people with physical or mental disabilities, for example - even though they often have good reasons to be depressed, they are not if they are in a supportive community and love themselves and each other. . . It’s just that if you are depressed, you don’t see any hope and you judge yourself rather harshly. Or I would say you judge yourself to the point where you feel suicidal, and then you judge yourself for that as well. Life literally has no meaning for you because the feelings of being alive that give it meaning are gone, but they are not gone forever. I believe you can and will feel better if you hold on :hearts:
. . .again, I don’t know if what I just produced is helpful and I’m not qualified to give you advice. In any case, I wish you all the best

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