I am new here. Just joined now actually and I’m getting started with some heavy stuff, so this may be long, but I’m crashing in so many ways and need an extra set of wings or paddles or wheels, so here goes.
How to start…
I’m 33, was diagnosed a couple weeks ago with moderate ADHD, depression, and anxiety. I also have many other chronic health conditions which cause pain and fatigue. Although this diagnosis isn’t a surprise and is helping me identify hurdles to work on, it is not helping with the issues of right now. College, lack of support, emotional lows, crying over the smallest speed bump, so tired yet excited, exhaustion (physical and mental), and more.
So why am I posting this in the support thread?
I’m freaking out, is the simple answer, and I have no one to turn to. My therapist is booked up and by the time I’d see her I’d forget the issue and wouldn’t need the session. I can’t talk to my husband because a) he also has ADHD and b) discussing my college struggles infuriates him ( he hates the university and bringing up any issues with it sets him in an anger spiral which just makes it worse for me). This leads me with trying to deal with it myself, but I struggle with maintaining the practice of meditation and trying to rationalize my way out of it.
What exactly is setting me off?
Everything, today it was discovering a new part of class that I wasn’t expecting which requires a lot more work, which I also am not prepared for. Yesterday it was having to withdrawal from General Chemistry Lab because the professor refuses to accommodate my need to be fully remote. The day before that was rushing around, on a very strict deadline, to withdrawal and add classes and wait in the heat for what shouldn’t have been an hour for a text book. Across all these days it is how far behind I am in my new classes, dealing with the speed bumps of communicating with everyone while obsessing over everything.
It has been 10 years since I got my first degree. I know I can do this, just not established yet. I’ve made a lot of progress in the last year, but coping with these emotions is new for me. For the past 20 years or so I turned off these emotions, so I could function, now I am facing them, but can’t express my frustrations and little speed bumps to my husband who I bounce everything off of. It is depressing me and dragging me down.
Thank you for reading this lengthy post and for any support or advice. There is so much more going on, but like I said, these are the little breakdowns.