As you can read in the title I’ve been recently diagnosed with ADD. I’m going to try to summarize my life in short, because I feel the need to get it out. It’s probably not going to be very coherent and I’ really try to keep it short.
I’ve always felt different from others in that I spent a lot of time daydreaming and fantasizing in my youth, never really feeling like I fit in with everyone else. I did well at school since I was intelligent but I didn’t really work hard at it.
I spent a long time at home when I got sick at about 14 years old. I was too weak to go to school or work so I didn’t socialize a lot either. It took a long time to get better and when I was 21 I went back to school.
This went okay but I started having really bad anxiety issues which I still have to this day. I already was familiar with depression but this was kind of new. I was familiar with anxiety but not like this. Hyperventilation, muscle cramps and tightness and the feeling that my throat feels shut or blocked. For a long time I felt like I wasn’t in reality if that makes any sense, as if I couldn’t feel any more and this really scared me.
This has gotten a little better through breathing exercises and mindfullness but I honestly don’t know what to do about this anymore. I’ve nearly accepted that all my muscles are going to be chronically tight and painful.
So due to this I failed to get a degree in anything so I’m stuck with shit jobs which I totally feel shitty about because I feel I could do more. I basically only have the equivalent of a high school diploma. Also I’ve been unemployed for a while because I feel too anxious to actually go out there and look for a job because it feels like an unsurmountable task that’s only going to have me working a tedious job when completed, so I have all the time to worry about more shit.
Basically I’m wondering what the point is anymore. I’m going to get therapy but that’s going to be a while because of waiting lists. I really want to go out and do something meaningful but my brain goes full tilt anxiety mode whenever I try and I can’t think straight half the time.