I’m Brendan, 20, and I was diagnosed when I was little. I was failing 1st grade (from both ADHD and Tourette’s), but when I got on mediation, I started getting A’s and B’s. Over the years, I continued to succeed in school and made a ton of friends, but I also embarrassed myself a lot and developed a negative reputation amongst my peers for being weird and awkward.
I eventually realized this and started having anxiety attacks, and one day a bully recorded me doing something embarrassing, but that problem magically resolved itself when my 6’7" cousin grabbed him by the throat up against a wall
I didn’t deal with bullies after that, but I still suffered from a poor self-esteem. Eventually I found an amazing group of friends that are just as derpy and weird as me, and we all built each other up.
Over the past two years, I’ve gotten sick of my medications’ side effects, and a lot of my symptoms of Tourette’s and ADHD have improved, so…I decided to wean off my medication!
So far…things are tough. I’ve been in college for a couple years and get consistently good grades, but now I’m struggling to get started on assignments. Motivation is a big issue for me, as is transitioning, being on time, and time management.
I found this channel a week ago, and…it kinda saved me from panicking and missing a bunch of assignments. This channel has helped me understand that a lot of things I struggle with aren’t a failure of character, I’m not lazy, my brain isn’t broken…I’m just built differently, and that’s okay.
Thank you, Jessica and team, for helping me with my homework and helping me understand that I’m not broken, just different.
One lesson I learned in life, is that the best way to deal with a bully threatening you, is to step towards them, looking them straight in the eye. Then stop, just out of fist range. Or even better, right in their face.
A dose of “calm but menacing” helps. Don’t say anything, but use your eyes to tell them that you are ready for the first move.
It can be all a bluff. But so are most bullies.
But whatever you do, don’t back down. If fists start flying, throw some of your own, and wear a few bruises and a busted lip. It’s not the end of the world. Looks much worse than it is.
I can’t remember the movie this quote comes from, but it still cracks me up… “Glory lasts forever, and chicks dig scars.”
Typically, they get a thrill when somebody they perceive as weaker just folds.
If they suspect they may have to actually fight someone who may be a challenge, they’ll probably just throw a face saving insult, and walk away.
Join the club, brother!
Normal people are just missing the point.
Another thing that helps with bullies is taking martial arts
Fortunately I haven’t dealt with a bully since 2014, so I’m pretty well off.
Absolutely. And it can be a great hobby. A good way to learn discipline, and get fit.
I actually had to use the “in the face” technique last week. An arrogant engineer was threatening to headbutt me, because I had the gall to not do what he wanted.
All I had to do was take three steps forward, and he backed right down.
Nice! Good to know it works.
Are you an engineer? I’m at an engineering school
No, I’m the guy that has to make bad engineering decisions work.
As an engineer, just make sure you listen more than you talk.
Too many engineers, especially junior engineers, assume that everything they learnt from a book applies to real life. It does not.
Welcome here . . .
Curious . . .What type of engineering are you studying?
Mechanical engineering. And don’t worry, I don’t know what I’m doing half the time in general, I’m always asking for advice
Weird friends are the best kind of friends!
One has Asperger’s and loves records and old timey music (and I think his dad has Asperger’s as well, and his dad is just as much of a friend as he is), another I think has ADHD (no diagnosis) and loves to write, loves RPG games like Mass Effect and Dragon age, and the fourth is just a total dork and loves Star Wars. And we all play D&D together and have a Cosplay group. I spent 60+ hours on a suit of chainmail last year
Cool . . . Mechanical Engineering . . . My father-in-law and his two brothers all graduated from Stevens Institute of Technology (Hoboken, NJ) as Mechanical Engineers . . . Many years ago!
My adult son, who has ADHD (as do I and my granddaughter) graduated from New Jersey Institute of Technology as a Computer Engineer but immediately after graduation took a job as an Electrical Engineer.
As for me . . . no such genes . . . I am a retired MSW (Social Worker) . . .
Well thanks for getting back to me!
Best of luck!
btw: My son took a very meandering 7 years (and 3 colleges) before graduating NJIT. Takes some of us longer. Sometimes we need help / support.
(Don’t be shy . . . )
Thanks! I’ll be back here if need any advice.
Yo here tooo!
Can be hard to be off medication all of sudden and specially without proper medical advice on how to get out of it in the good way (I think you cant just go dry all of sudden), so I guess you should talk to your doc about it if you really want to try to go on without medication, or maybe try a different one to see if the side effects get better or less annoying, it can be quite challenging and a really big mental effort to cope with adhd by itself and as far as my experience with being off meds for quite a while goes, I dont think I can say that I live a “normal” life, I have quite a lot of trouble dealing with my adhd and if meds could help me with that in a way that doesn’t mess me more than helps its a no brainner for me.
You will figure out that you are not that much different as you think now that you have found a bunch of other “weirdos” like yourself… you will feel more normal than normal I guess…
I did go through the proper weaning process, it actually took half the summer. It messed with my sleep schedule and I was falling asleep at the counter at work for two weeks
Good thing my boss is my Dad
Oh that’s a relief to hear, I was thinking you just stopped taking them suddenly…
I guess that helps a lot with the sleeping during work, also it must be nice to work with your dad too!
I mostly work with process engineers and metallurgists.
One of my favourite engineers was a Ukrainian guy who had both mechanical and electrical engineering degrees. He was a former ICBM engineer in Ukraine dealing with nukes.
He was one of the few who would be happy to jump in and grab a shovel when his process engineer colleagues got it wrong. And a very switched on guy.
A good engineer is worth their weight.
But I’ve worked with a few clowns too.
One of the most successful things we can do when hiring a graduate engineer in mining, is have them operate the processing plant for 6 months to gain field experience.
It gives them a huge perspective shift when they have to get their hands dirty, and when things go wrong, they learn how shoveling up 100 tons of slurry isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.
There can be a remarkable difference in quality between grads who have done the practical work in the field, and those who haven’t.
I am impressed and very interested to hear how it goes with going med free. For now I have no such plans, although that was definitely my intention in the beginning (I was diagnosed a few years ago).
The meds are supposed to help us kick our own arses into gear, so that would explain why getting started is a big thing at the moment. There are loads of people who do this without meds, and it must be possible. You may need to experiment with systems and schedules that maximise the chances of you doing what you plan to get done.
I know some people use exercise to kick start themselves.
My morning routine works better if I don’t skip having a shower, and these days I always switch the water to cold for a few seconds before getting out, and that makes me feel good somehow. Kind of zingy and awake. Someone told me it was a fantastic thing to do and I thought it was total rubbish, but after a while I tried it and liked it.
There are lots of ways to encourage us to get started and keep going, like setting up a task before taking a break, so when we come back it’s almost asking us to get started.
Keep us posted!
And if you decide to try medication again after a while, that’s not failure, that’s just another thing you choose to try.
It’ll be hard to convince myself that it isn’t failure.
And so far, it’s difficult, but slowly getting better. It doesn’t help that student disability services took a week and a half to get back with me (after two or three phone calls and an email), and when they finally did, they didn’t have an appointment open for another two weeks!
That being said, I got all my work done a couple days in a row!..and didn’t finish two assignments this weekend, and have a couple due tonight…and a couple big ones due tomorrow and Tuesday…
It’s a constant struggle
It’s a constant struggle with medication too though…
Sounds like you’re really getting somewhere👍
In my experience, my guess is that the medication don’t really helps with the struggle, but make the “effort” to do the thing more effortless so we don’t have to push so hard to do it, I really didn’t perceive any change for me until another doctor that takes care of my asthma and allergies mentioned I was talking more clearly and being more concise in our conversation but besides this communication perk I didn’t really felt any better at focusing on things but again I might not had perceived the change myself as this things can be subtle and hard to spot and probably is a loooooooooooot easier to perceive all the problems we get by being off meds than how they help us because all the struggle makes it more clear where it was helping out.
Again in my experience you pretty sure can live without the meds, but some stuff will always be a struggle no matter what, we can find ways to trick ourselves into making the struggle less struggling or funnier/ less boring but nevertheless it will always be a thing that affects us, I think what made a lot easier for me is accepting my self as someone who besides all my efforts and coping skills and even meds if I get back on using it, there will be sometimes that adhd will triunph and I will get late, forget something, hit something with my head, do some clumsy stuff, interrupt someone, get lost in though, will get moody, whatever but I try to be kind with myself and be okay with it. Sure other people can still be jerks and mean all the same and that sucks but still I feel like being aware and accepting the difficulties and not bashing yourself down because of it really improved things quite a lot to me. Also having found this community really helps comforting myself in a way that I’m not alone having this issues and that also takes away that “why Im the only one struggling so much to do the thing” because (in my case at least) we do not have any (or maybe we just focus on the neuro typical here) of our closest peers having the same struggle so we tend to think we have some factory defect or come to be somewhat broken or flawed, at least that was what I though.
I totally understand the being fed up with the meds feel, been there to even if I used them for just 6 months, I think is quite a normal feeling to think you need to take some kind of pill just to function “properly”, you will need some planning to do to get things straighten up and see what works better for you (or at all… lol) and getting to know you better so you can “cheat” yourself into doing the things you have too, the better you manage to understand yourself the better you are able to equip yourself to manage your adhd better and turn it in more of an asset than a hindrance, I do think you could have planned this going of med things a bit better so you had some planning done beforehand (or maybe you did? but its not clear on your texts so ignore it if its the case… lol). That is a thing that really helps me, if I cant plan ahead I kind of get stuck in a “I don’t know what Im supposed to be doing” loop that can be hard to get out sometimes, thats why I have some hate for last minute changes or unforeseen circumstances that jeopardizes my planning agenda, but I still need to learn how to deal with this kind of situation as its inevitable thing to happen, but trying to be a step or two ahead really helps me in being able to know where my focus has to be. After this the worst part I think is managing your focus to do the thing you should be doing and for that I think there are quite a few ways to work and lot of coping mechanisms you can try and use to see what works for you better, I guess its quite a trial and error and paying attention on what is working and what is not and specially WHY its working or not working so you can try and address it properly and find something that’s better.
Hope that helps and keep it up with the good mood and cheerful attitude that really helps too!