I’ve had a really bad week thinking about how all my high school friends left me and haven’t spoken to me in years and I kind of basically have no friends since I don’t like going out and I have barely a handful of online friends who aren’t in the same timezone so it’s a bit hard and they all have best friends and the social media platforms I’m on kind of shoves everyone’s friendships in my face and seeing people interact with each other but not me it’s kind of making it worse and yeah I don’t know why I’m posting this really I’m just not having a great time been having minor panic attacks and crying because of it and all & it’s dumb because it’s not their fault but it just sucks having it and I don’t really know anyone else who has it so yeah
Sorry that I can’t offer more other than just empathy. I wish I had something better to say or help to offer, but I don’t want to give you placebo condolences or fortune cookie advice.
We are hear to offer a listening ear if nothing else. You are not alone.
Thanks, though. It’s just hard cause I don’t know anyone else with ADHD and it’s kind of really hard to explain the whole picture to someone who has no idea cause I know it sounds stupid saying like I was upset because someone I’ve talked to a few times is talking to someone I’ve only spoken to once. But it’s the kind of thing that’ll kick in that RSD if I’m vulnerable enough when it happens
I find sometimes it just takes the right song to get me through a tough time. Reading what you wrote brought this one to mind.
Just be warned he does drop an F-bomb in the bridge.
Noah Kahan: “False Confidence”
I know we’re supposed to keep this forum clean, but you have NO idea how many explitives are running through my head RIGHT NOW that I want to scream at you, though not for the reason you might think…! I didn’t know what RSD was, so I looked it up, and have been suffering from this for over 20 years without having ANY idea what to call it…!!! Thank you!!! HUGE bear hug for you
Holy shit… Man, that explains a lot… Thank you so much for teaching me this, and I’m so sorry that you’re having a bad time with it right now… Hope you’ll get out of the slump soon, and until then, you have us! We at least ‘get it’, so feel free to talk about it whenever.
Looks up RSD
So… I may not have severe Depression, Social Anxiety, Generalized Anxiety, and an undiagnosed Personality Disorder that seems like Borderline but can’t be Borderline???
I’ve also recentlty learned about RSD, and it’s like finding a thread in my tapestry that I can trace to so many sad times, so many stupid, impulsive things I’ve done for approval, and so many damaged relationships.
About a year and a half ago, things started falling apart for me, which led to some long serious discussions with my wife. We talked about arguments we had previously, and so often I thought she was angry at me, or disappointed in me, but she wasn’t feeling any of that. It was what I FELT.
Once again for me, knowing was half the battle. We have, on good days, had discussions around our emotions when I believe in my heart she is angry, or sometimes unreasonable in her expectations, when she has not expressed anger or expectation. Sometime I can read so much into simple phrases or questions.
When I am functioning well, now I can stop and examine the situation vs. what I am feeling. This doesn’t always work, but having those conversations really opened my eyes.
I have learned that my emotions should not rule over me. I do not have to lash out when I am hurt, or retreat when I feel attacked. Brené Brown explains that emotions are like a tunnel we must pass through, we can’t avoid the tunnel, because it is in front of us, but we don’t have to stop moving and stay in the tunnel, either. We can successfully pass through the tunnel without becoming derailed or lost. We just have to recognize our destination is on the other side, and press on through the tunnel. (It may have been Brené Brown, or someone talking about emotions, but I think I added some thoughts onto the metaphor).
I have the RDS symptoms but was always told it was attachment disorder or borderline personality disorder? The bpd was a bit of a misdiagnosis of the adhd I think, but attachment does make sense for me personally. Never heard of RSD but I’m glad it’s a recognised issue!
Just a note, it’s not at all a recognized thing. It’s very much NOT an officially recognized thing. Emotional dysphoria is an official thing associated with ADHD, RSD is the ‘nickname’ for some aspects of ED, in order to describe it better. For more info:
hugs I know exactly how you are feeling! Hang in there.
This is mind-blowing, you just described my biggest problem right now and I thought it was just me. My best friend of 2 years and I just went from wanting a relationship together to her saying she just suddenly lost her feelings for me, promising to stay friends and talk again at some point, and then she went silent for two months, until I messaged her just 2 days ago. Over that time, I stopped caring much about the romance aspect of things. I just wanted to talk with her again. Judging from her responses now, she doesn’t seem to be disinterested in me, but there are some ways she phrases things that make me feel like she’s using a colder tone than she might actually be using. She doesn’t seem to initiate conversation, and that kinda worries me. I get the same ‘Facebook Envy’ thing you have, since she’s interacting with her own friends and clearly doing stuff, and I’m just worried I goofed things up between us permanently.
Anyway, seeing that this is a psychological, neurological, physiological phenomenon, it gives me hope, that things might not be as bad as they seem. But there’s always that annoying little thing in my head that screams ‘BUT THERE’S A CHANCE IT’S REAL’. I think I’ll take solace in assuming the former for now, since I just want to have some emotional positivity while I cultivate other, less temporary/fallible sources of positivity in my life.
Very true, and that nagging doubt sucks HARD… Have you tried talking openly about it with her, telling her you miss hanging out like you used to? That you miss one of your best friends, and that you’re past the whole romance/relationship thing?
Sometimes we get so stuck in the ‘what if’ and emotional paranoia that we are afraid to just talk about things openly, fearing it’ll get worse, when in reality, we could possibly sort it out with a single face-to-face conversation.
Heh, this is definitely a good response, because it addresses another concern; I feel like I’ve done that sort of thing a lot already and made it look like I care more about the relationship than she does (that’s probably a sign right there), and I feel like as much as that would communicate to her, it would just continue to make me an exhausting person in her life, which I fear is what made her pull back in the first place. I wanna give her space, but I don’t wanna go silent. It’s a catch 22.
I suppose given that she and I did chat again today about some light-hearted topics that are extrinsic to us, it’s an indication that we’re returning to that sort of state of talking to each other being more rewarding than exhausting, so I’ve just gotta keep that ratio of exhausting-to-refreshing in check. I just realized telling her this might be a good idea, but knowing me and my impulse decisions, I’m gonna give it 24 hours before I decide whether or not now is the time to have that conversation, since again, it could ironically be contributing to the exhausting factor. If you have any input as someone who’s just living outside of my brain though, it’d be welcome. Any and all outside opinions are great anchors for me. Glad to know someone else knows the dilemma so well.
I think having that conversation IS a good thing, but give it a bit more time for things to normalize, maybe more than 24 hours, and also think through HOW you’d bring it up and what you’d like to say so you don’t put your foot in your mouth or say something that will make her misunderstand.
95% of what I think about is how to say things in ways that are least likely to be misunderstood. It makes my sentences come out long and wordy and makes it look like I’m talking down to people. Even just now, I was thinking ‘I’m diverging from the topic and making the discussion about my specific experience’ but that’s the whole point of this forum, and I find it funny that I was self-conscious about talking about my self-consciousness on a forum where people are encouraged to discuss their self-consciousness from their experience to avoid generalizing the concepts drawn from their experience. This was originally a 1 sentence comment, with only that first sentence.
Hmmm… Maybe you can record what you want to say, or write it down, so you can look at it from a different perspective? If you listen to it or read it in advance, you can cut out the parts that are too verbose, maybe give yourself a 15-20 word limit per sentence to avoid run-ons?
Apologizing in advance if you start coming across as lecturing or patronising can also help, although in this specific context, maybe that’s something you can mention LATER rather than in advance? Might help explain and help her understand why you’re like that sometimes if you tell her about it? I have the same problem with my wife, to be honest, and sometimes it pisses her off to no end… I suspect we don’t notice it until afterwards or it’s pointed out to us. So yeah, see what you can do to prep in advance.
This is a great idea, I’m gonna do it. I’ll write it with those constraints now and take another look at it in about a week’s time, edit, and send. Thanks!
Rather than wait an arbitrary period of time, maybe wait until you’ve normalized your relationship a bit? A week, a month, who knows how long it will take…
I usually set and arbitrary time less as a mark of when to do a thing, but rather when to reevaluate if been long enough to do it, if not, I give it another period of time. I trust my expectations of when things will be better more than my in-the-moment evaluation. Puts some distance between my thoughts and my impulses.
So yeah, I’ll wait until things are normal, but I like to have concrete dates to look forward to instead of a ‘someday…’