This is my first post in this forum and is actually the reason I found myself here. Apologies in advance for the long post, I have a lot of thoughts! I was diagnosed with combined type ADHD 2 years ago at 20 (I got my diagnosis shortly after my dad got his at 60). One of my biggest challenges relating to my ADHD is shutting off when people seem like they don’t believe in me or trust me. Over many years in school I had teachers and friends that gave up on me or took my behavior personally, and I got hurt many times over because of it. Over the years my defense mechanism became that I would just shut off at the first sign of trouble and cut my losses. This has been the cause of some of my biggest problems in school and relationships.
I’ve been working at my job (a VERY not ADHD friendly job I might add) for about 7 months and my symptoms are starting show. I get bored and look at my phone when I’m not supposed to, or miss follow up appointments when they are set too far in advance. While I know strategies to change these behaviors, really those aren’t the problem.
I’ve had a great relationship with my boss until this point, but now it’s like she looks at me differently. She won’t have conversations unless she has to and when I make a mistake she tells me how poorly it’s reflecting on my work performance and that it reflects poorly on her. I want to shut off entirely because these things really hurt me, but I know I can’t do that because it would mean quitting my job or being fired. Since I’m just starting out my career I can’t afford (literally or figuratively) to be in that position right now.
My question is: how can I not shut off in a work situation? My whole mind and body is telling me to give up and not let myself get hurt but I’ve done that before and it just leads to more shame.
I’m not really sure what to do so any advice or thoughts are greatly appreciated (especially if you’ve been in this position). Thanks in advance!