Severe Depression and ADHD

#1

I’m so sorry, I feel like I’m making more threads than I am contributing. I think I am in crisis and I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone. Firstly, I don’t want to worry friends and family, and secondly, I am a verbal processor. I hate this about myself because I talk everything out and a lot of people see it as annoying or self absorption. I’m so tired of viewing myself negatively or viewing myself negatively through other peoples eyes. I am making a doctors appointment first thing tomorrow, so don’t worry.

I have had a lot of major things happen to me lately, so Im sure that is contributing, but my over all brain is a large part of the problem. I’ve just reached the stage where I hate myself and I don’t see how anyone else could like me either. I like to think I am a good friend, and I am, I know I am, but I get so easily over whelmed and Ican’t cope with too many people. I’m trying to cut back on my friendships without winding up lonely. I feel like a failure because I mean what I say, but sometimes I struggle to follow through and I know some people take it personally.

I already know I hyperfocus and I hate interuption, I can be prone to a quick temper. Add to that depression and I am an irritable jerk and I feel like I’m just not nice to be around for my daughter.

I don’t know, I’m rambling. Can ADHD cause you depression? I just feel like theres nothing good about me and I am a bad, selfish person. I don’t understand why any one likes me and if I was honest with my friends and family everyone would hate me. Maybe I’m just better off not here. I know thats just depression talking though, and I need to get out of the mind set. I just don’t know how I got here.

In my other thread, people were encouraging me to find a new doctor that takes my ADHD seriously. While I do feel like I need to do that, I’m also scared. What if I pay all this money to go privately and they don’t take me seriously either? What if they see me as drug seeking? What if I am severely depressed and they just see my depression causing my issues? I mean, I think its the other way around, but what if they see it that way?

I’m so tired of my brain, I’m tired oftrying and failing. I’m tired of being me. I feel like such a loser.

Sorry, that’s so self indulgent, I just needed to get it out because I’m tired of feeling it.

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#2

First off, by making threads, you are contributing! You are helping people who might be reading, and in a similar position to you, so you’re helping people feel less alone. Also, you commented on my thread earlier, which was a big help for me so thank you!

It makes me very happy that you’re reaching out here and that you’re seeing a doctor tomorrow, that’s a really important first step.

Bear in mind I’m not a medical professional but all of this has been told to me by doctors in the past. Depression can occur in anyone, and doesn’t necessarily always relate to ADHD even if you have both. HOWEVER, most experts seem to agree that if ADHD is not properly treated and managed, it can be a risk factor for mental illness. Still, it’s unlikely to be the only underlying cause.

You really do need help, which is why it’s so good that you’re seeing a doctor. It’s so incredibly tiring to hate yourself like this. I’m not sure if you are in the UK, but in the UK the first line of treatment is normally CBT. This is the first line therapy because it’s proven to work. The waiting list can be long, but it’s really really worth it. It won’t fix all your self esteem issues, but it will start to give you the tools you need to re-frame your life a bit. Have you ever had it before?

I’m also a verbal processor and have been all my life so I majorly relate there :joy: I try to avoid rambling to my friends but I can’t help it sometimes. That’s where this forum is HUGELY helpful. I also used to write a blog, which helped when I was younger, however the blogosphere isn’t what it used to be so I dropped that.

You don’t need to apologise for talking about your depression on here. I wish I could help more. But since you are reaching out, I have faith that you will recover from this! I recovered from suicidal depression many years ago and I feel like a totally different person. You can too! Even if you’re just treading water right now, that will get you through the hardest parts while you are looking for help.

and WELL DONE for getting so far and for always trying so hard! Big hugs!

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#3

First of all, I don’t like you because I don’t know you well enough to, but so far you seem like a decent person who’s just struggling a bit with RSD, depression, self-doubt, and maybe a bit of anxiety. But if you read throughout the forum, most ADHD’ers suffer from ADHD AND some other thing, commonly depression, anxiety, personality disorders, and a couple of other common things. So although ADHD may not cause depression, they’re often comorbid (often seen together), and being sensitive and feeling bad because of how YOU are treated, or how you treat OTHERS can also cause depression.

Now, I do think you should try the private doctor if you can afford it. And when you’re willing to pay for it yourself, they usually make more of an effort to take you seriously, rather than get you in-and-out in 15 minutes, at least from personal experience. And from what you describe, I suspect ADHD is either indirectly making your depression worse, or indirectly causing it by you feeling like a horrible person because you feel like you let people down.

When you see your doctor next, try to bring a list of things you’ve experienced since childhood that are indicative of ADHD, as it can be hard to remember on the day. Not necessarily details, but enough for you to remember what you want to tell them. Specific events, or trends at school or with friends. And if it’s still troubling you today, definitely mention that too. Hopefully they’ll take you seriously…!:blush:

And again, you seem like a nice person, so I’ll probably like you when we get to know you better.:wink: The forum is for forum activities, so feel free to post about anything, questions, rants, advice.:grin:
(Just no direct medical advice, remember.:wink:)

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#4

Depression is so often comorbid with ADHD that’s almost a symptom. (check out https://www.additude.com/adhd-and-depression-symptoms-treatment/ for more stuff there ) Having ADHD often results in depression because of all the difficulties that having it untreated causes. So yes. ADHD can cause depression. Especially when it feels like those who are supposed to be helping you treat it aren’t taking it seriously.

Take a deep breath. Hold it in for a long moment. Let it out and try and let all the tension inside of you out with it. You’re living with a difficult condition. Like someone with diabetes, it can be managed, it’s mostly invisible, and it’s a heck of a thing that can sometimes feel overwhelming. And it’s not your fault.

Right now, you’re looking into a mirror that shows you every single flaw that you have. People outside of your head? Don’t see that stuff. They just see your actions, your words, how you present, etc. So they see all your good traits. They see your good intentions and efforts that you do put forth. The version of you that you show them is no less honest than the version of you that you hold back.

If you can’t cope with large crowds of people, tell them. Tell your friends that you want to hang out, but can it be just a small group? You don’t have to cut back on friendships, just explain to them that you need to keep some space for your mental health.

If you’re not already seeing a therapist or counselor, I would heavily suggest finding one. A doctor isn’t the only person who can help, and with ADHD, you’re going to need more forms of therapy than just medication.

Good luck, and hang in there.

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#6

Great minds (Brains?:grin:), as they say…:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye::joy:

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