I’m so sorry, I feel like I’m making more threads than I am contributing. I think I am in crisis and I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone. Firstly, I don’t want to worry friends and family, and secondly, I am a verbal processor. I hate this about myself because I talk everything out and a lot of people see it as annoying or self absorption. I’m so tired of viewing myself negatively or viewing myself negatively through other peoples eyes. I am making a doctors appointment first thing tomorrow, so don’t worry.
I have had a lot of major things happen to me lately, so Im sure that is contributing, but my over all brain is a large part of the problem. I’ve just reached the stage where I hate myself and I don’t see how anyone else could like me either. I like to think I am a good friend, and I am, I know I am, but I get so easily over whelmed and Ican’t cope with too many people. I’m trying to cut back on my friendships without winding up lonely. I feel like a failure because I mean what I say, but sometimes I struggle to follow through and I know some people take it personally.
I already know I hyperfocus and I hate interuption, I can be prone to a quick temper. Add to that depression and I am an irritable jerk and I feel like I’m just not nice to be around for my daughter.
I don’t know, I’m rambling. Can ADHD cause you depression? I just feel like theres nothing good about me and I am a bad, selfish person. I don’t understand why any one likes me and if I was honest with my friends and family everyone would hate me. Maybe I’m just better off not here. I know thats just depression talking though, and I need to get out of the mind set. I just don’t know how I got here.
In my other thread, people were encouraging me to find a new doctor that takes my ADHD seriously. While I do feel like I need to do that, I’m also scared. What if I pay all this money to go privately and they don’t take me seriously either? What if they see me as drug seeking? What if I am severely depressed and they just see my depression causing my issues? I mean, I think its the other way around, but what if they see it that way?
I’m so tired of my brain, I’m tired oftrying and failing. I’m tired of being me. I feel like such a loser.
Sorry, that’s so self indulgent, I just needed to get it out because I’m tired of feeling it.