So isolated

So isolated and alone, but cant stand being around people…i am my own worst enemy!

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There’s always people here. Feel free to hit us up to chat. :slight_smile:

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Trust me I know exactly what your saying there, we’re all here to talk if you need something.

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Yeah!! There’s plenty of us going through the same thing and there’s always going to be someone here who wants to talk :blush:

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I am in exactly the same place I have split from my wife who I knew for 10 years and she was practically my only friend. Now I’m going for a job difficulties not being able to afford to do anything with my children or piece my life back together! And no one I know gets it they are only suggestions are well just try harder! Why would you not make sure you take your meds at the same time every day ?!?! Why have you not got your car fixed yet surely that’s common sense ?!?! It is getting very annoying and my confidence is pretty much non-existent. Steve is it that you’re ashamed to be around people because in your eyes they are so much more capable than you?

That is the feeling I’m getting a lot

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I always feel lower and more of a failure than everyone, parents are cool, but spent the day with them today and my mum literally made me feel like a piece of shit went mad at me as i was fidgeting with an elastic band…
People just dont get it, wont get it, and some frankly couldnt give a fuck

The try harder thing does my head in, i grt that at work, i try 10 times harder to still cone in just behind or on par with others but work harder to get it

So its so fucking draining i have to be alone a lot but downside is the alone part

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Loneliness is an epidemic in the modern world. And societies need for us to constantly measure and compare ourselves against each other i think is a big part in that. It’s exhausting and takes a toll on anyone that is also using a large part of their available capacity to just do the normal tasks of living.

I made a decision a while back to withdraw from people that in the simplest terms made my life harder. And that made my life a bit easier. But on the flip side of that coin i also found myself doing the same to people that would support and be positive towards me 99 percent of the time. I found that i was substituting most relationships with tasks that fed my ADHD desire to be stimulated without having to deal with other people because it was easier on my brain.

And thats where the isolation started to get to me. So now i have shifted a little to being what i call a fair wether friend. I interact with others when i am feeling up to it or if the situation demands it. So i still get that interpersonal connection but on my terms. Some people struggle with this and it has negatively impacted some relationships of course but others have improved because i am a better friend / person to be around when i do this. And without the extra load of trying to keep things together when i know i just can’t or even just don’t want to. I am finding that i am able to spend more and better time with others.

It is hard to sometimes deal with the thought of the feeling that i am being selfish or weird but i just think of the results this little experiment has shown and how i am starting to find a balance. Will this strategy work in the long term? Who knows but for now it seems to be working out.

In my mind its just self care and trying to understand my limits and living within them. And i just keep coming back to the idea that your life is your own and you only get one shot at it so there is no shame in doing what’s best for you without causing harm to others.

The biggest hurdle was accepting that i am not the same socially as most other people and thats just a fact. And at this point in life i just don’t really have the capacity to work on that or if its even possible or worth it or even needed.

My advice based on my personal experience is give yourself a break. Dont compare yourself with other people and accept the differences that ADHD causes. Once you know what yours are and how they effect your life then you can chose what to work on to meet the needs you have to be happier.

Spending time and energy on yourself is in my opinion much more important than using that energy keeping a bunch of balls in the air that might not be what you really want from life.

Sorry for the long post and remember that there are lots of people here that have an understanding of what you are going through and will not judge or have expectations because we all live with similar issues day to day and understand how hard it can make things.

M

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