Something preventing me from a relationship

Good Morning fellow brainers!

It seems that there are many posts about dating issues, but not the issue, that something is preventing from dating in the first place. I’ve been turned down by minimum 100 girls and I’ve tried both in the real world, aswell as in dating. I have now a strong belief, that I will NEVER find a significant other and I continue to be confirmed through dating apps and real life. I’ve had relationships before, real ones too, but not after 2017.

I’m not sure what it could be, but I am politically active and do not have a common position on things.

I really am desperate and living alone just sucks. I do have friends and I always am socialising but I still won’t find anyone.

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I am pretty sure we have talked about this in a different thread once before…

I’ll try and find it.

OK, I found one of them, but it started with someone’s personal story of a break up that was current at that time, do even if I knew how to link a thread I would feel awkward about being the one to bring that back up.

If they see this and want to direct you to it that would be different, I just feel it’s not my call.

I need to stop procrastinating and get out of bed (it’s nearly 4pm here), so I will keep this brief:

It’s not a numbers game, one day you will be in the right place at the right time.

The annoying thing is, being desperate is not attractive. At least, probably not to someone you want to be with.

Once you have found ways to be happy with your life as it is, you will be in a win win situation: if you don’t meet someone great for you, that’s actually OK because you’ve found ways to be happy on your own. And if you do meet someone worth giving up your freedom for, they won’t be put off by the miserable desperate version of you.

Sorry you’re not in a good place at the moment though. I get that that is horrible and I hope you can get out of this soon.

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thanks

Sorry, cross posted. See above for my long edit!

And the TLDR is:
You have to stop looking in order to find what you’re looking for.

And I know that’s not what you wanted to hear :pensive:

No that’s really not what I wanted to hear. They will cancel everything like on the day of our date

Then you’ve had a lucky escape. The right person for you would only do that with a very good reason and would immediately reschedule.

So by definition, that person was not going to be good for you or to you.

You found that out on day zero, with a lot less pain and heartache than if they had strung you along for months.

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I think this is a great issue to explore in therapy with someone. A lot of times when we end up in and out of relationships that don’t work out it can be because of something we’re doing or not doing. Maybe we don’t know what we want. Maybe we don’t know what we expect of our partner. Maybe we expect too much. Maybe we don’t know how we’re coming across to the other person. Or maybe we’re just looking in the wrong place.

There can be lots and lots of reasons why a relationship hasn’t happened. I’m pretty sure that “being doomed to be alone” is not one of those reasons, though.

You may want to check out books like “The 5 Love Languages” or take an online profile quiz for something like your Myers-Briggs type or even look into your astrology. There are lots of silly and easy ways to learn about yourself and your personality. But learning what you need and finding a way to meet those needs takes real work. I would highly, highly recommend finding a good professional to explore these issues with. This can be life changing, both on a personal level and on a relationship / intimacy level.

Lastly, don’t compare yourself and your journey to someone else. Not everyone walks the same path to love. Your story is your story. :slight_smile:

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thanks. I figured that not mentioning politics and currently I’m talking to a girl. Btw I am already with a doctor which I talk about stuff.

That’s awesome! Good luck!

I believe that finding a compatible person involves a fair amount of luck and being in the right place at the right time. Meeting new people is helpful, and so is spending time with people who share your values and interests, but that element of luck is still part of it.

If politics is important to you and you have a less common political view, compatible women may be ones who are also very interested in politics or have a stance that overlaps yours. Being able to give others a clear picture of your authentic self is the best way to find people who will click with you.

@Lustforlife has good advice about a win-win situation. Making a life you like is a good way to be happy outside a relationship and it also shows others who you are and what makes you unique, interesting, and good to be around.

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Good morning! So far I haven’t mentioned politics and it’s been going very good. I won’t mention that I’m politically active, until a pretty long time. I am starting to be sure, that politics is what makes me. unattractive.

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But…but… Oh, ok, I suppose it depends what you’re looking for.

I’ve been there too: getting into a relationship that gave me some of the things I needed but could never be ‘the one’. That has its place too.

But being the kinda girl I am, I needed for the other person to be on that same page too. It reduces the risk of it all ending horribly when the deal breakers finally come out of the woodwork, and the extra guilt I would feel if I had encouraged misunderstandings…

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I’m not sure if this is helpful, but you might consider getting into politics with a friend who’s judgement you trust and then asking for feedback? My grandfather also has a lot of uncommon political views. They’re not uninteresting or necessarily off-putting points by themselves. Even when I disagree. But his demeanor and the way he approaches these things puts people off. He doesn’t mean to, but it happens time after time.

It kills me that he struggles as much as he does because if he were open to a little well-meaning advice, I think many people who are close to him can see exactly how he’s souring conversations and could help. He’s too proud though. He would rather believe that people don’t like his politics lol. (I’m sure some don’t, but I’m around him a lot and I really don’t think that’s the main problem.)