I always joked offhandedly with friends and colleagues that “I’m pretty sure I’m at least a little ADHD.” It was a cute little comment of whimsy; an adorable character trait rather than a debilitating issue. And it was easy to believe that that was it. Everyday life has a funny way of allowing me to gloss over the issues and, for lack of a better term, lie to myself.
Enter, COVID. All of a sudden I’m working from home and doing a job whose goals and objectives were already a little murky to begin with. I figured things would be simple as long as I came up with good systems. I read The Power of Habit and Atomic Habits. I researched and watched YouTube videos about bullet journaling. I figured this would be a personal renaissance for me both personally and professionally.
Then I just kept… not doing anything. One day it was a computer game, another day it was dallying on social media. I was even introduced to the idea of “preparation as procrastination”, where preparing to do a thing can sometimes become desireable over actually doing it, thus the process is subconsciously drawn out. I felt sick when i realized all the days i “worked” might not even be anything except a more robust form of procrastination. I’d organize, I’d clean, I’d plan, but I wouldn’t do. and I couldn’t figure out why i couldn’t just motivate myself to get things done.
Then I had a How to ADHD video pop up during a YouTube binge, and I almost burst into tears. COVID has thrown a harsh light on my mental state, and I see now that I align more completely with ADHD than I ever realized.
So hi. I have some work to do, and I look forward to being better for it. Also looking forward to chatting with folks!