First time poster here. Hi, everybody.
After reading a lot of not-very-helpful articles on WHY meditation & mindfulness can help with adhd I am still finding the practice to be agony.
I am aware of what awareness is. I am aware of how many different kinds of meditation there are. I have tried the apps. I have tried asking multiple therapists multiple times for help. No one seems to understand this but I feel certain that someone (probably more than one person) here will be able to relate and give advice.
Focusing on my breathing gives me anxiety. Anxiety that rapidly increases to panic. Especially when I cannot get my inhales and exhales to sync up with a guided voice. My lungs feel too small, I am overly aware of my lungs and my spine and my bones and muscles and every discomfort. I feel wrong and I over identify with my mortality. Focusing on “the way a part of your body feels against the floor/seat” is much the same. I think of where I am, why, where I need to go, etc. They say “don’t judge yourself” but never tell you how. They say it is alright when your mind shifts and to gently redirect it back. Back to what? Nothingness? Fat chance. The image of a river? The image of a sky with clouds? That doesn’t work. My brain gets frustrated, impatient, frenzied. My To Do list starts coming back to me like a mantra or lines from a play I am trying to memorize. I cannot stop it.
I hate focusing on my body SO MUCH during all of these exercises. Yes, I am aware that I am having a thought. I am aware of my consciousness. That doesn’t bring calm it brings more dysregulation. I am not kidding when I say it makes me violent (throw something across the room/break something)
And I am on medication.
Anyone else relate to this? If so, PLEASE give me your advice. From one brain to another.