Stuggling a bit

Hiii everyone!!

I’m here to have a little sad…

I have an interview tomorrow which is pretty important, if I don’t get it I’ll have to wait a year for another opportunity proper job. I’ll be fine financially because I can get shorter term jobs so it won’t be the end of the world (I’m a doctor), but I really want to be back in proper full work because I’m doing really badly without any kind of schedule! (currently in a year out for travelling - chose to do it and loving the travelling side when I actually manage to organise it!! But not doing so great in the in between bits) I do have a just in case plan, so I feel a little better but I still want to do well! Anyways I’ve obviously left it to the last second to prepare… I won’t get a good night’s sleep now because I’ve left stuff to do. It’s just so frustrating because there’s not actually that much I have to do to prepare, I could’ve done it easily and calmly doing a bit a day and I KNEW that but I still… couldn’t. I watched Jessica’s motivation video, and the wall one and they helped mentally a little but I still just couldn’t. It’s the same with everything I have to do and I waste SO much time trying to do the thing but not… I really hate it I want to be out there having fun and doing things there’s sooooo much to do out in the world and I want to do it ALL but I’ve just been stuck (well… kinda) trying to do this thing and ugh I’m just a bit down because I don’t see an end to it you know? There’s always another essential but really boring and hard thing to do. Especially because I tend to let them pile up (I know, shocker!). There’s a few other, also important, things that I’ve not done either and it just feels like so much but again it wouldn’t actually take that much time if I could just get on with it. Ugh. Sorry to be a downer guys… just figured you’d understand. I feel like I shouldn’t complain about this because I could be in such a worse position and I know many of you guys are, so sorry if this just annoyed you… just feeling a bit meh. I’ll feel more motivational in a min hopefully! Thanks for listening x

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Lol… so update: There’s some things I need for my portfolio and I got distracted from updating my CV and started looking for them… can’t find em. Great. Where tf are they… and why are they not in my important things box?! Or literally anywhere that makes any kind of sense?! fml. So I went downstairs to see if they were there, figured I’d have some pick-me-up cake because it needs eating… I only went and dropped my cake on the floor. Send help :sweat:

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I have a lesson observation tomorrow that my university tutor is schlepping all the way to my school for and am I ready? Am I tucked up in bed getting a good night’s sleep already?

No to both :roll_eyes::flushed::woman_facepalming:

Self sabotage, you and me both, by the sounds of it!

Good luck with the interview :kissing_closed_eyes:

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Hey Lustforlife!
Ah there’s two of us working away tonight then!! I’ll be thinking of you as I’m trying to finish my things! I hope your things are going well, and good luck I hope it goes well tomorrow!
Thanks for my luck :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Yup! And thanks!

Finally getting somewhere at last :sweat_smile:
I have my crackling log fire white noise on a pomodoro app and it’s helping.

Also done a bit of planning and reviewing and feel a bit more positive that I can adjust the February planning and I’ll get there in the end. There’s a lot I havet’t fisinshed in January, but there’s also an awful lot I did do, despite the poorly foot and spending several days/half days in the ostrich position this month. It turns out I’ve been a little more productive than I thought :grinning:

Keep up the good work :wink:

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Brilliant, well done!!
I had my boyfriend natter on to me for a bit, then I had Jessica’s videos in the background until I felt settled enough to have music… do you ever find that, that like something that should be really distracting is actually kind of calming because you can focus quite a lot on the other thing and then at least some of you is focusing on the difficult thing, but not enough for it to become panicky and/or something to be completely distracted from?? Lol. Getting there myself now, I have found the more important thing that I was looking for as a digital copy so I can just print it, and I’ve finished the more difficult planning bits so I think I just have to put things together now and then do a bit of practicing answering questions/revisiony stuff in the morning.
That’s so ace that you managed to get so much stuff done despite your difficulties! You should be super proud of yourself :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: well done!!!

Thanks for the support x

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It is interesting how some Brains need music to be able to focus . . . That was my ADHD son . . . I was never able to understand that. I need absolute silence (or white noise) to block out others talking, the radio, the TV. When I would study in the college library I would use ear plugs or, if I forgot them at home, prop my elbows on the table and cover my ears. When my wife talks to me if the TV on, I mute the sound (the TV . . . Not my wife :joy:). So interesting how the same situation works one way for one Brain and just the opposite for another.

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With me I have to have some noise. If it’s too quiet I feel uncomfortable and self conscious (yup, even if I’m alone in the room!). Music is fine IF it works. No lyrics that will drag me in, not too slow or too fast, and not with big switches in volume as suddenly getting louder or quieter will distract me too.

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I wonder if it depends what you’re used to? I’ve always related music to working, so it helps me. It blocks out other sounds, reminds me I can’t chat to other people, gives me a beat I can move to and sort of provides a single, small distraction that my brain can escape to if it needs but not get too lost in if you know what I mean?

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Oh, also an update if anyone would like to know! I finally got to bed some time shortly after 2, managed to (just about) finish sorting everything in the morning and get to the interview place in good time (thanks to an organised friend!!). I’m not sure if it went well or not yet, I for sure could’ve done better if I’d managed to prepare just a little more which is frustrating, but hopefully I did well enough! I’m now visiting a friend and we’re having a few days of fun stuff to relax :slight_smile:

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How did your lesson observation go?

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It went beter than I had hoped, very happy with it. I will need to have another one in a few months but I kind of knew that. Really glad I didn’t cancel this one as the next one should now be much less nerve-racking, and I felt really supported by all my supervisors - there were three of them there at the same time, but amazingly that didn’t freak me out ‘because I felt safe with all of them’.

Just realised this is a real breakthrough! The time I freaked out so badly that I lost my voice for two weeks, they were two fantastic supervisors as well. So whether or not I felt safe is clearly about me more than them. I think I need to write to my therapist to thank her! (I am signed off at the clinic and she left to go to a new job anyway, so I can’t just mention it in passing).

I has happies :sweat_smile:

But I am over tired today. Only slept for half an hour at around 5.30 that night, and haven’t had an extra long sleep yet, just a normal six hours last night and that’s not enough. I’ll probably have a nap this afternoon, I have some time without actual appointments then. And if I don’t need a nap at that point I’ll go to bed early and get uo later tomorrow. Good to know I only have one morning to struggle through.

Sounds like your interview went quite well. There is always more we could have done. If there are any specific behaviour changes you want to make ‘for next tine’, maybe write them down for yourself so you can decide what you want to do with that?

And I strongly recommend trying to separate how you think the interview went from whether or not they pick you. There are too many variables that are out of your control - the other candidates and their priorities in making their final decision. We all tend to think the only good interview is if you get the job, and of course that is a hugely important consequence! But that doesn’t tell you enough about the actual skills you have for being interviewed. You can give exactly the same quality interview in different contexts and have different outcomes.

Thanks a million for your support, I’m really glad fate put us in the right place at the right time to help each other out! The wonders of the internet :blush:

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My dad used to make “motor sounds” when he worked. I find myself doing it sometimes, particularly if I’m doing manual labor. I suspect this may have been an ADHD coping mechanism. He was a very successful supermarket manager, so it must have worked well for him.

A friend of mine that used to work for him siad he finds himself doing it, and I sometimes do as well. Maybe it’s a white-noise thing?

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Oooh, yet another moment of clarity! As a kid I always ‘twiddled my hair’ (twirling one lock of hair around an index finger, repeatedly). Since realising about fidgeting and adhd, I realised that there was a sensory thing going on with my fingers, but now I’ve just realised that it’s also a white noise creator. And I do need white noise!

Perhaps I should grow my hair a teeny bit longer so that I can do this again, because lately I have been scratching my scalp instead, which is really not clever as it results in some damage to my skin. I was trained out of the hair twirling because it embarrassed my mum and was considered childish, but if it’s actually my own ever-present fidget ‘toy’ that I can’t lose, makes more noise for me than for anyone else in the room, and can’t be lost or left behind anywhere, what’s not to like?!

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Hiya lovely! Sorry for taking ages to reply… Lots to do, got distracted, you know how it is! (Also, potentially broken my wrist :sob:)

Yay how fantastic I’m so pleased you did so well!!! Just brilliant!!!
I hope you’ve managed to catch up on some sleep!

Thanks for your advice it’s really great! You’re so right on all the points you mentioned. I hear in march so I’ll try and keep you updated!

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Girl, hair twirl away!! I think it’s cute not childish anyway! And you can’t lose your hair so winner :joy::joy::joy:

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Update: Had a CT scan today and it’s not broken!! WINNIIING :smiley:

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Hahaha, and my foot isn’t broken. Maybe we should hope that our lives stop overlapping quite so much :joy:

My not broken foot is still a bit swollen and awkward to walk on after over three weeks - I hope you are luckier with your wrist! Try to rest it as much as you can and keep putting ice on it until it’s not swollen any more. Oh. Does that mean ice would still be useful for the small amount of swelling I have left?:thinking::woman_facepalming::joy:

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No way how funny! Yeah rest, ice and elevate when possible! If it’s not improving over the next week or two maybe get it checked out again!
My wrist feels way better now it’s out of the splint! Just have to remember it’s still wrong and to not try and do all the things right away lol. Hope your foot gets better!!

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