support

Hey forum, I’d love some support or just an internet hug.

Last year I found my passion and founded a non-profit around it, now inspiring and empowering others through the non profit. Things are going really well and obviously I’m super grateful for it. However, it feels like my personal life is falling apart, and no one is noticing because the rest is going so well.

The problems?

  • I barely get paid for doing the non-profit, and struggle in finding motivation to find ways to get paid, as that legal money stuff is not what i like to do.

  • My sidejob doesnt cover the costs of renting a room/house (expensive european city), so i’m forced to stay at my boyfriend (& his roommate) or parents place, whilst saving up and working round the clock. I love them but I need my own space.

  • I struggle to communicate about my feelings and what goes on in my brain. I believe this is due to ‘failing’ constantly throughout highschool, followed up by failing in studies and sidejobs. Communicating somehow feels like admitting to failing. I tend to get more impulsive, risk-taking and almost numb to the outside world, whenever I get into a stressful period. Last week I blacked out on alcohol in an unsafe space and it freaked me out so much but I feel like I can’t tell people the whole truth. (Decided to quit drinking for the time being).

On the one hand, I’ve managed to get so far and I’m proud and grateful for it. On the other hand, I feel like I’m on the edge of a cliff, almost falling over.

This summer I failed a test due to math anxiety, because of that I couldn’t get into Uni, something I had been working on for a year. I didn’t crash and found other cool things to keep me busy, but I’m afraid it’s all starting to get to me now. I don’t want to fall back into anxiety and depression and just need some support from fellow brains who might know the feeling.

Thanks.

First, hugs.

Second, it’s totally okay to feel like you’re walking on the edge. What you’re going through sounds incredibly overwhelming and the fact that you’re still working through it is amazing. It sounds like you really care about others and the work that you do, but that it’s taking a toll on you.

Talking about this stuff is hard. Opening up and communicating takes a lot of practice. Even if you can talk to someone like a therapist, it’s still not easy and it’s definitely not easy to talk to other people in your life. The more you do it, though, the more you can find the words to describe how you feel, and the easier it gets to share things in a helpful way. At least, that’s been my experience. It’s still a challenge, no doubt, but it’s easier to open up and vent and ask for help.

It sounds like money is already tight, but if you’re someone who is struggling with some of the logistic stuff of the non-profit maybe there are resources out there to find someone who you can offload that to. I wonder if there’s another non-profit there who helps offer such services to small businesses or organizations. In general, non-profits are lots and lots of work. It’s a huge task to take on. The fact that you’re still keeping it afloat is amazing too. It shows that you really care. Even though you’re struggling with motivation, it’s still a good thing and should be validated and applauded.

I don’t think there are any easy answers or solutions. Mostly just know that you’re doing the best that you can and I hope you continue to reach out for support as you need it. Maybe with time things will get easier and the non-profit will run smoother. Some of the other stuff like academics and personal life stuff too. Whatever happens, good luck!

Hug hugggggy hugs.

I commiserate with the work thing. I hate hate hate my work. Any and all of it. Offices should all be burnt, as far as I’m concerned. I don’t make enough money to live on my own, either. I’m a lawyer in the USA, but I’m back in with my parents (again) and I’m in my danged 50s. Literally.

The abuse of alcohol goes along with this condition we all share – ADHD and addictive, impulsive behaviors. I’m glad you’re admitting it to yourself. You’re not BAD for having succumbed to those impulses, you’re just an ADHD-er. (For me, one of the key pieces to eliminating my own excess drinking of alcohol, was to start to treat it as a symptom of ADHD and depression, NOT as an alcohol addiction. SSRI drugs helped reduce my cravings and my craving-based impulsive behaviors somewhat.)

You’ve had some bad experiences, the anxiety and depression of course are sneaking back into your life, and it’s not a surprise. So, it’s great that you’re trying to keep an even keel. Let your loved ones know. Keep on posting here. We’re listening and sympathizing! It’s not easy.

But we have such remarkable advantages over other people despite some of our disadvantages. We see the world for what it is, we don’t ever go along with the crowd of lemmings merely because they seem to know where they’re going (over the edge of the precipice!), we are generous and caring, we share our hearts on our sleeves with all and sundry, we have a strong and continual sense of justice, we do the right thing, we look after the needy, we never see a problem we don’t want to solve and we get right down to solving it, we’re fixers and solvers and set-it-up-straighter-than-it-already-is-ers.