Hey forum, I’d love some support or just an internet hug.
Last year I found my passion and founded a non-profit around it, now inspiring and empowering others through the non profit. Things are going really well and obviously I’m super grateful for it. However, it feels like my personal life is falling apart, and no one is noticing because the rest is going so well.
I barely get paid for doing the non-profit, and struggle in finding motivation to find ways to get paid, as that legal money stuff is not what i like to do.
My sidejob doesnt cover the costs of renting a room/house (expensive european city), so i’m forced to stay at my boyfriend (& his roommate) or parents place, whilst saving up and working round the clock. I love them but I need my own space.
I struggle to communicate about my feelings and what goes on in my brain. I believe this is due to ‘failing’ constantly throughout highschool, followed up by failing in studies and sidejobs. Communicating somehow feels like admitting to failing. I tend to get more impulsive, risk-taking and almost numb to the outside world, whenever I get into a stressful period. Last week I blacked out on alcohol in an unsafe space and it freaked me out so much but I feel like I can’t tell people the whole truth. (Decided to quit drinking for the time being).
On the one hand, I’ve managed to get so far and I’m proud and grateful for it. On the other hand, I feel like I’m on the edge of a cliff, almost falling over.
This summer I failed a test due to math anxiety, because of that I couldn’t get into Uni, something I had been working on for a year. I didn’t crash and found other cool things to keep me busy, but I’m afraid it’s all starting to get to me now. I don’t want to fall back into anxiety and depression and just need some support from fellow brains who might know the feeling.