The first time I took Ritalin as a clean&sober adult

I was self -medicating for a long time and quite frankly doing a poor job of it .So i stopped just like that 8 mounts go by Im in fetal position with a blanket over my head @2pm could no stop having bad thoughts of death over and over for weeks never stopped .no joke as soon as i woke death thoughts When i stopped going out side wife stepped in said " you off the sofa get in the truck were going kaiser off we went the doctor s who put me back on drugs after that visit it was to the pharmacy got the meds and bout 1/2 hr or so it was like when the clouds open up the sun burst through yes that good ! i was not high but i had control of my thoughts for once in a long long time does not sound like much tilln you think about it we adhd ers tend to have negative thoughts after internalizing adhd from the word go at 53 i have some f- - -k up thoughtsi got stuck on them was kinda worried i might act on them if it dont stop soon but my wife once again saves the day dam i need to thank her oh sā€“t got to pick her up at amtrack by brains