Trying to manage life as a mom and partner

Hi! My name’s Lin. I’m 37, a mother, and have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I was diagnosed as adhd at 28 while in therapy for PPD. Things suddenly made sense. I’d always thought that adhd meant I’d be hyper or aggressive. I knew nothing about it, and even less about how it presents specifically in women. I do not have access to affordable healthcare and am a single mom. My ex husband is great, and my older children stay with him during the school year because I travel the US with my stagehand BF with our child, on the show he works for. I’m a novice metalsmith and sell jewelry on etsy and at craft shows.

Two years ago I tried college again after ten years, and bombed out. Not because I didn’t do my work. But because I’d “forget” to turn it in. I’d be laying in bed arguing with myself about it and end up so exhausted I would fall asleep instead of turning it in like I knew I should. I do this with everything. Work chores shopping whatever. It’s a constant battle with myself to get anything done. It doesn’t help that I’ve been called lazy my whole life. I’m not lazy. I’m wiped out by the constant internal struggle.

I’m doing the best I can without a doctor. I’m trying to read self help books, watching videos, bullet journaling (when I don’t forget), working with a therapist via BetterHelp. But I still struggle.

Why is it so hard??? I just want to accomplish something and not have to fail a billion times to do it. Maybe I’m setting myself up for failure but thinking that way. Idk. I’m trying to change it.

I keep wanting to erase this and start over. Make it prettier or not so chaotic feeling. But I won’t because I super hope I’m among folks who get it.

I just want to be in charge of my own life and get out of my own way.

Thanks for listening.

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Hi Lin! Welcome to the forum :grin:

Ugh I definitely get the feeling, but at least it makes us more resilient? And you’re definitely NOT lazy, I mean you’re a parent, have your own business, and you’re trying to figure this whole thing out without a doctor!!! I hope you figure it out, don’t be afraid to ask around on the forum ( that’s why we’re here :wink: ) and good luck with everything!!!

Btw, it’s really cool you make jewelry :blush:

Thank you! Because I travel so much I’m able to learn things in different places. I took a metalsmithing class in San Francisco and since then I’m unstoppable! I used to make bottle cap jewelry. I’ve come a long way.

Sometimes it’s hard to see how successful I truly am when that voice is so negative and loud inside my head. I’m working on quieting her or at least getting her to not be so dang pessimistic!

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That’s awesome! My dad used to make jewelry and we’ve been meaning to do earrings but it’s been a slow process ( we’re both Brains :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: )

And yeah, it’s a long journey :sweat_smile: But I think “not so dang pessimistic” is a pretty great ( and realistic! ) goal.

Hey interesting story, im thinking about studying after getting diagnosed around 30 and it all making sense like you said, but im also feeling a bit lost at 36, can i ask if you take any medication? and if so how that affected it?