Very confused


#1

Hello everyone, my name is Blake from Michigan. My entire life growing up i have been tought there is no such thing as adhd/add and that it was just an excuse to get kids on pills. And I am almost still kind of convinced that maybe it doesn’t exist or maybe it is just an excuse to blame my laziness on something else. Which i’m not going to lie it would probably feel pretty good to put the blame on something else. I have never read a complete book in my life, i have never been able to remember what i read, i’ll read the first sentence and will be fixed on that sentence in my head the entire time i’m still reading, and i won’t remember anything. In about 6th grade was when i really started to decline. My grades were bare minimum my entire high school even flunking the 11th grade just because i couldn’t sit down and do my homework. And my mom would yell at me asking me “what’s wrong” or “what can i do to help” but i just had no answers. I have been going through my whole life hating myself and thinking i’m just dumb. I even joined the USMC because i wanted to prove i could do something, like I wasn’t a total waste of life. Now i realize it was just another impulse decision like my whole life. You would think after coming out of marine corps boot camp i would be neat and organized and always ready, but i’m still just the same failure i was before. I have been doing alot of research lately on adhd/add and my symptoms are through the roof. It really gave me a sense of hope, but my mind keeps telling me it’s fake and i’m just a lazy dumb person. I guess i’m just looking for some feedback, anything. I have an appointment setup but i’m honestly just really scared. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression around the age of 16 and i didnt feel like it was real either. Idk, so lost. There is so much more i would like to add but i can’t think of it for the life of me, thank you for reading


#2

Hello and welcome,

I can assure you ADHD exists and it’s not a new disorder, either. It’s the best researched psychiatric disorder ever. We have brain scans. We have studies on neurotransmitter levels. We have genetic studies (it’s a highly genetic disorder).

It’s not laziness. ADHD destroys relationships, livelihoods, and mental health (anxiety levels are usually through the roof). Lazy people don’t suffer that much, believe me. Lazyness is a choice. Lazy people can stop being lazy. We can’t stop being ADHD. Do you know our suicide rates? People don’t kill themselves because they’re too lazy to have a great life.

ADHD is a real thing, a biological disorder. But people have a hard time grasping it because it’s invisible. It only shows in behaviors. And we all want to believe that behavior is a choice. But behavior is also a matter of neural connections, and when they don’t work great, neither do we. Also, symptoms vary, because so does the performance of our brain depending on conditions! So you can do Thing A one time, and the next time you can’t. And people are “but you can do it!” In reality there are bareers the second time that weren’t there the first time. But they’re invisible and hard to grasp.

ADHD isn’t an excuse. Diagnosis is a way to better understand yourself so you can work, so you can have better relationships, so you can keep a job. People don’t seek a diagnosis so they can do less, but so they can do more.

Those worries are very common when people seek assessment. Don’t worry too much. You’re not lazy and you’re not dumb. You’ve just been trained to think you are… like 100% of undiagnosed ADHDlers.


#3

Thank you, this honestly means a lot. I sometimes feel like my entire life has just been a fake me trying to fit in, like i’m just running my mind through i simulator on how to interact and function. My dad is the exact same way as I am, as well as my oldest brother. my oldest brother was diagnosed at a pretty young age and was prescribed Ritalin. But my father took him off it because he was licking his lips and doing other strange things. And I don’t think my dad believes in a lot of metal health disorders. So it is hard to talk about it with him. I do want to succeed and be a good person, honestly that’s all I’ve ever wanted. my mind is going a million miles an hour right now. But I am very thankful someone replied. It makes me feel much less alone


#4

really, the whole thing is complex. Even with friends/family that are supporitive, it’s hard to get them to totally understand the thing.

I told friends that I’m totally stressed out and overwhelmed from my job and I need a few days away from people, they didn’t really understand


#5

Apologies for the long post but I can strongly relate to what you’re going through right now and the TLDR for it is that yes ADHD is real and you don’t have be alone in dealing with it.
Because at the end of the day you’re not a person who IS ADHD, you’re Blake from Michigan who just so happens to have ADHD.

_
The good news is that you’re not alone in any of this, when I first got my diagnosis four years ago I couldn’t get the traitorous part of my brain to stop doubting that any of it actually applied to me and I really was just a lazy underachiever.
What I did was once I went on medication I didn’t tell anyone aside from a close friend any my girlfriend about it to see how they reacted and if they noticed a change.
Within a week my girlfriends dad asked if I had been having a rough time the past year because the change in how I held myself and acted socially was so dramatic, his quote about me helps me keep a lid on the anxiety and self doubt that I get every once and a while.
“I don’t mean that hes acting differently all of a sudden, more like he’s suddenly become a better version of himself.”
Maybe that was a healthy way to go about it, or maybe it wasn’t, but it gave me enough certainty that I could start letting go of the fear that I really didn’t have ADHD.

But my point to that long winded story is to say that you’re not alone in any of this, we’ve all been where you are now and those that haven’t can understand what you’re dealing with.
As Aline said ADHD is real and no it isn’t and excuse, but it is does give you an answer.

My piece of advice would be to never treat your medication, or any other form of management, like a silver bullet that will solve all of life’s problems.
They’re just one piece in a collection of tools that’ll help you become the person you want to become, ADHD can also come with a few pretty good perks.
Being able to Hyperfocous can be amazing once you learn how to control it a bit.
What’s that? Two 4 hour Chemistry labs back to back in one day? No problem I’ve got this :smiley:


#6

I hope you are encouraged. As said above, do not doubt ADHD exists. I am a psychologist. during my career this Adhd denial has been around all the time. Still is. My biggest regret is that I let fashionable views influence me when I was younger. Maybe the life of close relatives would have been different if I had seen. When I stopped doubting I still did not understand my own struggles. But started wondering. I got diagnosed when past 50. I do not know if it would have made any difference. Probably I would have belonged anyway. Well, I don’t really want to belong. But I have a different understanding of myself. Still struggle. Medication works for some things, not for other things. Anyway it is not a big deal. I take stimulants, don’t get much stimulated, so why must people make a fuzz about what medication other people use. Well, lost the track, what I wanted to say is, just get the help you need, and be proud that you take yourself seriously. Good luck