In this chat I just want to be able to talk to people about how they get passed the part of there brain that doesn’t want to do any work and just do it. How to you get passed this because I realy can’t afford anymore of it because I am worrying about AP exams. Help/advise needed
Same problem… Jessica’s most recent video does touch on this, though. Seen it yet?
no could you send me a link?
I just saw that video and now I want my husband to ask me if I’m “climbing the wall for [task] or just starring at it” I think it might help me to get motivated for a task and not feel like he’s nagging about something.
Hey, I get it 100% but if you need to get in your zone… you’re going to have to prepare an area where there is no distraction leave your phone on silent in another room and get comfy and pack a snack and a drink… as if you were going on a road trip… thats what I did before meds… if your old enough and its okay where you live… buy yourself a redbull… thats my go to when I needed to jump in… that mode…
Again take away ALL distractions and give yourself the tools… like the books notebook s… and so on…
Write on a sticky NOTE to yourself. “NOT NOW”
And read that look at it when your mind wants to do something else. Good luck!!!
Isn’t this the central thing? I wish this thread had “the one” answer to how to make myself do the task – to do the thing (whatever it happens to be at the moment) that I know I need to do. But in fact, ALL of my coping and strategies and life lessons are entirely directed at getting a little bit better at making myself start doing that thing. I haven’t personally learned a single one way to make sure I do it. Instead, I’ve learned that the whole of my being must continually learn to be redirected slowly but surely toward causing me to be a little bit more likely to do it each and every day. Not a quick fix.
I think we should just remember the fact that we have no other option but to complete the task, if we don’t do it now we will constantly be reminded to do the that work which can be irritating
Slight warning on the Redbull front: about 15 years ago I ‘discovered the benefits’ of that and after a few months of drinking 1 or more cans a day pretty much every day, I became oversensitive to caffeine.
Which is a pain in the neck for lots of reasons. (eg major interference with stimulant medication)
Proceed with caution!
Sometimes notes to myself have helped. I’ve had a little bit of success with ‘Just do it!’ on a sticky note, and a bit more success (for written work) with ‘You need to write something, even if it’s rubbish.’ that one was written on an A4 sized paper
Yes, but… Actually acting on this is what I struggle with. As @cliftonprince says, changing this is not a quick fix. months of coaching is helping. Actually making a weekly and daily plan, reviewing it at the end of each day, showed me repeatedly that I had to reschedule or cancel what I hadn’t done. And so now I have started to understand better how time works, how you can’t ways reschedule everything indefinitely.
And honestly? Starting on medication seems to have helped me to do this. I used to look at the clock and see that another hour, or 15 + minutes had gone by (during a task, especially with a deadline). Now it’s sometimes been just a few minutes, even though I’ve produced quite a lot, and I have more time left than I thought! A time pill, whoudathoughtit?!
Definitely , or crammed studying… last minute… that works too.
.but very stressful
I tried to create a deadline just as @Jessica said I am now graduating BA English and learning Japanese (learning Japanese because I love it) so I create a timetable 1 hour for english and another for Japanese then again 1 hour English repeating… so I don’t get bored, this 1 hour deadline is helping me lot and I am also on medication so it’s being helpful. I have started this 3 months ago and still doing it .
Let’s this how long this last:thinking:
I love the wall metaphor! One thing I’m dealing with at the moment and have been dealing with a lot in the past, too, doesn’t get mentioned explicitly but totally fits into that image:
I’ve often noticed that, when I have a task due and somebody thinks I’ve been not doing that long enough and sends me a reminder, it doesn’t make the task more present. Just the opposite - it pushes it further away. I’ve explained it in the past as having done my emotional labor on it for the day by reading the reminder, thinking about it, calming down if the tone was too naggy, and making a mental note to do that soon but not too soon because I don’t want to send a message that nagging works.
Within the metaphor, it’s pretty obvious why it doesn’t work: They’re adding bricks to the wall - and needlessly so, allowing me no control over how the wall is built at all, possibly also ruining my neat plan of climbing it because that depended on there being no bricks in that one spot.
Now fighting the urge to send that link to a LOT of people…
As for the actual tasks behing my various walls, I found two strategies that aren’t guaranteed to work but sometimes do. I think they’ve both been discussed here and/or in Jessica’s videos:
- Break it down into doable steps. If possible, spread the steps out over several days.
- Create the right environment. This can be both a comfy/efficiency-inducing situation (tea, music, fidget stuff at hand) or a workflow (“while I’m out shopping for groceries, I can walk by the post office. That gives me until this afternoon to prepare the letter I meant to send”, and that’s when I start planning the steps i need to get that letter written and enveloped and addressed right).
Also my parents think I use ADHD as a excuse
when I have a task due and somebody thinks I’ve been not doing that long enough and sends me a reminder, it doesn’t make the task more present. Just the opposite - it pushes it further away. I’ve explained it in the past as having done my emotional labor on it for the day by reading the reminder
which to me is just a totally awesome way of putting together several of my own experiences in this area. I know that my parents and family sometimes think of me as “oppositional defiant” – which I’m not, as far as I can figure; I can at least say that I know I’m officially diagnosed, by medical professionals, as ADHD and NOT as “oppositional defiant” (which is, BTW, a personality disorder, look it up!). Why do my parents think that I am? Probably because they’re getting that message from the fact that their attempt at HELPING to make me initiate something, is rendering exactly the opposite response, of PREVENTING me from initiating. They’re misreading (not really surprising, given the evidence and the general social refusal to accept ADHD for what it actually IS) and then seeing the fact of an opposite response as oppositional and defiant. Glad I realized that … there may be some helpful coping strategies … more to work on … Yes, so, it’s adding more bricks to the “Wall of Awful,” not taking bricks away. I remember many times, not wanting to do something, simply because other people were really expecting me to do it (which does sound oppositional-defiant, yes). I knew they were building it up as a big deal, and really really hoping I’d do it, which meant that I felt like there would be no way at all that I could possibly live up to their expectations. The more they built it up as important to them, the less I felt like I could ever succeed at pleasing them.
So like many ADHDers I have failed at being a self-starter. To the contrary, I always found that school tasks, and the scheduling and mid-length to long-term annual structure, was very helpful for me. I did very very well at school; it’s the real world I suck at, thanks to ADHD. This is not a typical trajectory among ADHDers, but it does point out how external motivations and imposed structure has worked FOR ME. From that point of view, I find that the daily plan is hopelessly useless. If I write down, “OK, today, I have this project, that meeting, these things to do, and I want to get this done, too …” then I won’t do anything that I wrote down. In fact, just half-jokingly speaking, I often figure that if a task has made its way onto a To-Do list then the task is already half-dead, and therefore only 50% likely ever to be completed. If the To-Do list is color-coded, or well-organized, or (worse!) TYPED IN A COMPUTER, then I’m nearly 100% likely to abandon all the tasks on it. Planning ahead for it? Yeah, heck yeah, I LOVE daytimers and planners and bujos and so on. Actually DOING it? Naw man, I already put in the effort of planning, that’s enough emotional output for me for the day …
But I’m getting better. Some things actually DO really work. I’m amazed at them when they do work. Giving myself a quarter (a twenty-five-US-cents piece of money, yes, a simple coin) right after I go to the gym and do my workout? I end up going to the gym more often. Geez! How stupid am I?! I already owned the quarter! And yet, somehow, “giving it to myself” as an immediate reward (has to be relatively soon after gym) actually … duh … WORKS to motivate me to get to the gym more often. I feel almost as though I’ve discovered that I am much stupider than I used to think, since I can fool myself so easily.
Sadly, however, I often resist trying these coping techniques. I learned about the quarter trick long before I found the HowToADHD YouTube channel. I avoid most of the techniques I’ve heard about. Why? I suspect, I avoided trying them for a very very long time, precisely because of the same reason I avoid doing things that I know other people want me to do – I feel ((wrongly?)) that, because it potentially can have great impact and be a huge success in the minds of others, I therefore am highly unlikely to succeed enough that I will actually please them. Just as receiving a reminder magically un-reminds me, as mentioned above, also learning about an ADHD official-coping-mechanism from the HowTo channel somehow also magically tempts me to NOT TRY THAT technique.
Double-bind, tricky little mind of mine … hello brains …
Brendan Mahan is great. Yeah, in my (limited-to-me) experience, every new ADHD strategy has to be a balance of technical (make the list! Set the timer!) and emotional (wow, this is a really awful wall!) Not only is it all individual, it’s individual to specific tasks on specific days, which is why I think metaphors like the wall of awful are so useful: they give people a framework for contextualizing their experiences, without prescribing a set course of action.
I only learned about the Wall Of Awful concept yesterday or maybe the day before. So I like writing it down. Wall Of Awful. LOL. It’s very helpful.
Of Awful. OK I’ll stop saying it now.