Wanting to let go things

Hi guys :raising_hand_woman:t3:
I am in my last year of med school and hopefully graduating soon and I should be working as hell, but i keep on thinking about my relashionships with my friends, how i screw up some things, how i said the wrong thing, how sometimes I just needed attention and turned up in me beeing super annoying …
It just feels like, if I want to have a normal day, with normal interaction that I won’t regret later, I need to be 100% of the time in SUPER control of myself and my impulsivity … that’s exhausting, and not even perfectly working…
I wonder sometimes if it gets easier after that … If i will ever be able to be the person that I want to be around people, the not embarrassing one, and the chill one… not always ready to burst or explode… and not always crying for beeing noticed …

Sorry if it sometimes doesn’t mean anything, I’m working really hard on my english haha

Anyway, I just wanted to know if you sometimes feel the same…

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It’s definitely something that can get better. There are ways to feel more confident, and also to practice some of the interactions that are hardest. There are a lost of good interpersonal skills tips available from DBT. You can find some here: Interpersonal Effectiveness Handouts

Also, talking with a therapist to process these issues can be good. Maybe doing some CBT. Sometimes we think we’re messing things up when we’re actually not. We do a lot of fortune-telling, mind-reading, and catastrophizing. Also, a therapist can help you process specific interactions and find ways to manage them.

I’d also give yourself some compassion. It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety about things that you’ve said or done, and you beat yourself up. People are people. We make mistakes. And we aren’t always the best person to our friends, and aren’t often the best at socializing. It takes time and practice, and even the experts hurt people and mess up from time to time. Be patient with yourself. And don’t stop reaching out to your friends or supports because you don’t want to make mistakes.

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Thank you very much for your reply !! It really helped a lot ! :heart_eyes:
I am trying to work on that with my therapist but i never really thought about a CBT or DBT and i like the website you gave!

I also know that we ADHD tend to be oversensitive to other people reactions and overexagerate the importance of our mistakes and I definetly do all the things you described.
I really needed the kindness and the understanding!

I really hope that it will get easier each time, and i will keep practising…
I think that maybe i also don’t have the most tolerant friends sometimes (even though the only fact that they keep hanging out with me proves that they can be!)
But I won’t really be able to meet anyone new until next year so … i will just try to get through this very hard year!

I love this community and ever since I found it I really feel like I am not alone in this mess anymore haha
And I even appreciate beeing able to be a part of it ! :blue_heart:

Merry Christmas everyone!! :blush::gift::snowman_with_snow::santa:

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It will get better as you move through life. Also, good people are way more kind than you might imagine. My good friends, those that have lasted, didn’t see the kind of thing you talk about as an impediment to loving me. Kindness is kind and people will love you whatever. You don’t have to earn it.

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You are right, it’s really helpful to hear it from someone else ! Sometimes it is more about loving myself despite that i suppose… but that is a difficult task !

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Hi,
I just realised that this message is a little old but I just wanted to say I feel the exact same way.
I can spend hours going over and over things I said years ago that everybody else has probably forgotten.
Having to have control over yourself all time is exhausting and I empathise with you on that. It’s so tiring trying to figure out if what you are about to do is going to be something that you will regret later. I think we tend to compare our worst moments to others best moments. We don’t replay that one embarrassing thing they did years ago in our heads. We think of them as perfectly put together and in control or happy and carefree. Here’s the secret, there not. Yes, we might tend to embarrass ourselves more or say something we regret but it’s not as if other people never do it. I think that with time it is possible to feel more comfortable in yourself and more comfortable with people around you.
Have you ever tried saying to your friends: “Sorry if I was being a bit annoying, I had had a long day”
I think their response might surprise you. You also take away their opportunity to tease you about it if you own up to it (this is my experience at least).
I think that we try to hard to contain ourselves which leads us to feel like we are always only one step away from feeling like we are going to burst. If we let out some of the pressure, by talking about it or actively forgiving ourselves, we might feel a little less like we are always about to burst.

I don’t have an answer as I a still working on it myself. But you are not alone.

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:raising_hand_woman: Hi, I just wanted to drop in and say you’re not alone - I feel the same way too. Hopefully it gets better.

And I find it’s not the same thing as being too shy in public or isolating yourself (even though that can be the consequence) it’s more like just trying to do some damage control for something you know will inevitably happen sooner or later and make you feel bad.

Does that resonate with anyone?

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It’s really knowing that others share and understand that ! Sometimes I really feel like i am the only one to ever experience it or at least that bad, but you are right, everyone lives those embarassing moments and we are most probably too hars on ourself !

@Assynj i really feel you! That is what i live everyday of my life! About knowing that somehow something will be wrong but just trying to retard the moment !

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