What If I'm just stupid

#1

I can’t stop crying when I saw that video ( I very rarely Express many emotions) I’m not diagnosed, but it’s been a big joke that is always present in my life. I thought my last girl (who told me its actually a serious possibility) could help me. But she left too. I dont blame them. I never listen or remember. All I hear is communication is the key to that. And my doctor told me to just work a labour job and not pursue an education. It seemd like a massive amount of work to get to that. I had to quit smoking and salt. Both I love. But I usually give up pretty easy. I have few friend left. All my relationships trashed. Finance was lucky I messed it up so early stealing ice age 2 from blockbuster they never gave me any to begin. I live at 0$. I attended every class. I got 90s or above( typical 98% ) in any hands on class. Including cosmetology I took as a joke. but failed or scrapped by everywhere else. I think they just wanted me out of their class. Now as an adult it’s not cute and funny anymore. At least not to me. And I cant stop thinking that if I dont have it im just a shitty person despite my best.Cant seem to be dedicated long enough to my help to make any appointments. I’m am adult and still just struggling to tread water. But what if they say I dont have adhd. Or worse yet, that because of my behavior regarding my obvious addiction to stimulants, its drug seeking. Which it is. I had a person give me a pill for adhd. I took it while having game night a few years back. I noticed. I felt like I could have read a book (at 31 years old my total is 15 books). My best friend and brother just said that was the best game ever played. I know it was because I was involved for once. He calls me 2 times ( because he almost without fail has to say everything twice) What if I am just stupid and a terrible friend partner and listener? And addict more recently. I can never even tell how I feel. Makes it hard to seek therapy. Also I’m afraid I’m alone because I’m a terrible person
I cant tell if this is a terrible thing to ask. And I’ve made the best of it so far why cant I just keep on keeping on. Maybe. I think maybe I just needed to write 5his down. Even if I was diagnosed, i get alot of criticism about weather I should meds. I need therapy for sure. I dont want to do street stimulants any more. I want to be able to listen to the people I care about. Maybe remember some of it. Or interrupt every sentence like a self obsessed a hole. Have people want to talk to me. I’m sorrythis is super Long. I guess I had alot to get out. My mom had them prove I didn’t have ADHD in grade2 to spite a teacher who suggested it. So I guess that might be why I’m afraid. I just changed everything Bout my life again. Moving to a remote cabin to live in isolation. Starting my pen buisness. Guaranteed the buisness will fail.

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#2

Well, from the sound of things, including the addictive personality disorder you’re exhibiting, it might very well be ADHD, although none of us here are doctors and can diagnose you professionally. I can tell you that I had to write down a list of examples for my doctors because I kept forgetting to tell him things, then I’d remember it later, and would kick myself for not remembering to tell him. Maybe you can do something similar?

Either way, I’d see a professional psychologist (I assume from your doctor’s reply that he’s not an expert in mental health), and discuss these things with them, rather than an average doctor who might not know enough about this.

And from the sound of it, if it’s NOT ADHD, you’re obviously struggling with something else, so going to get a diagnosis would at least tell you what’s going on, get rid of some of the uncertainty, and let you get help for what’s troubling you.

But yeah, addiction, memory problems, problems ‘getting going’ with things you know you need to, problems with studies and learning, problems with interpersonal relationships, romantic and otherwise, these are all quite common among ADHD’ers, so it’s definitively worth a visit to a specialist.:wink::+1:

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#3

It made a ton of sense when I actually looked it up. I get this isn’t a doctor or medical advise. Or that it could be whatever else. Just felt like speaking while this is once again my lazer focus. Idk. Hard to break the cycle. It always seems like there are a million things I have to ignore way more important than this. I just keep feeling as time goes on more and more alone.

Side note: hypothetically, if a dude with adhd moved into isolation. Is that no bueno? I always thought that wouldn’t make this person to go crazy ( cabin fever)?

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#4

Yeah, trying to focus on something when there are other things to distract ranges from pretty hard to pretty much impossible for a lot of us here.:sweat_smile: So yeah, you’re showing pretty much all the signs, but for ADHD diagnosis they generally have to have been present since childhood, don’t know if that’s the case with you. But I still say, go see a good (GOOD, as in, not some dismissive prick) mental health professional, and they’d probably be able to help. I can tell you the first time I found the minimum effective dose of Ritalin LA for me, it was as if my brain suddenly could recognize and accept external events without being distracted, sights, sounds, scents, etc. and I could just keep doing what I was doing. Still aware of my surroundings (not like hyperfocus), but not needing to pay attention to it if I didn’t want to. I think trying to see a professional so maybe you could get similar relief would be worth it, no? It won’t fix anything, but it will hopefully help you focus and think more clearly and consistently without distractions, so you can work on getting the rest of your life together.:blush:

As for isolating yourself… I think many of us have felt like that at one point or another, after hurting people we love and/or care about. But honestly, it doesn’t help you much, and seeing a doctor is way better. Isolating yourself too much just feeds the cycle of being anti-social, which could make things worse… And yeah, cabin fever isn’t necessarily a real thing, but something similar does affect people after long stints of isolation, so not a great idea, nor something I’d recommend experimenting with. It will negatively affect your mental health.

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#5

Yea. I’ve always felt this way. I didn’t know it could be different until my silly hyper distracting jokey clown, turned into like this poisons thing in my life outside of high school. Went from having so much love and good times to a burden on people, and employers, and family, friends, any relationship including the one I’m currently destroying. I’ll look up some help now. Any advice for me to keep this appointment? Other than the 20 calendars or notebooks a year I carry around and loose.

And as for moving. This person has to. Likely it will fail also, but I think people expect me to fail before I start. Mostly true. Pepperd with failure in many other parts of progress. This person would just like to hold on to something at this point. If you have any resources on better doctors?
And what should I do about disclosure regarding my substance abuse?

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#6

Oh
And before I forget. Thank you for responding. Whatever I may or may not have, I cant tell you what it means just to have someone listen. Thank you.

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#7

No problem, man. We’ve almost all experienced something similar, to one degree or another. And if you look through the forum, the forum, there are plenty of stories of people not being taken seriously by doctors, then going to a specialist (sometimes still not being taken seriously), getting a second opinion, and being diagnosed, getting medicated, and getting help through therapy, etc.

I’d suggest getting an appointment as soon as possible, and then telling people, maybe posting about it on here? Makes you know it’s not just for yourself, but you told other people you’d go. And maybe your family or friends (girlfriend?) might help remind you?

Be careful not to sell yourself short. Maybe you’ve seen your share of failure but that doesn’t mean you ARE one. Try to stay positive, or you’ll end up stuck in a rut, and just willing yourself into failure out of expectation, even though you might actually be able to succeed. Several of us in here have had similar experiences, where we end up ruining things for ourselves because we expect to fail. So be mindful of that, and try to avoid being overly negative, although I KNOW that can be really hard…

Well, resources for doctors… Depends on where you live, I guess, and maybe have a look, or ask around for people living in your area, maybe you can find someone who can advise you specifically, or maybe just more generally of the process?

Disclosure regarding drug use… That’s tricky because ADHD’ers can easily fall into addiction, but at the same time, if you’re taking something that might interact with any medication, that could get REALLY ugly, and we don’t want you in a coma or dead, anything like that, so honestly, I’d recommend you tell the doctor. Be honest about it. Do you want to be taking the drugs, or is it to help you cope with or escape everyday life? Self-medication is far from unheard of. Most use caffeine (naturally or tablets), some use other, stronger things. So hopefully the doctor can recommend a way for you to get help, maybe through therapy first, then later medication, or some combination, I honestly don’t know. That’s 100% up to the doctor.

And yeah, having people to talk to, relate to… It’s a bit weird at first, but it really helps to see you’re not alone in this, that other more and less successful people have some of the same struggles.:wink:

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#8

I thought this was shared with everyone. Kinda had a falling out with technology after MSN messenger. Yea I’ve gone through a few things over the years. Coffee, energy drinks, MDMA, effederine, most recently this. Always start because It helps every aspect of my life, minus health. Or money. Definitely my relationships and job. Could be both. Probably is. I gues I shouldn’t be too worried. I know where my current path leads me. If seeking medical attention doesn’t work, I guess there is always this to walk back to.

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#9

So many of us can relate to these exact feelings. In the time leading up to my assessment, I had all of these thoughts. “what if I really am just lazy, like everyone says?” “what if I’m just a weirdo and I’m really not trying hard enough”

I think those thoughts are inevitable really, especially if you’ve been told all your life to try harder, and others see it as a personality trait in you. My ex used to laugh about how I was “absent-minded” and said it was just a part of me that would never change. I was so scared, because it was keeping my life so stagnant and I worried I would never be able to change.

But despite this, deep down, I knew something was wrong, and it wasn’t a case of me not trying hard enough. Deep down, I knew that. And that gut feeling turned out to be true.

So, trust your gut! When you have these “what if I’m just stupid” thoughts, try to dismiss them, because you have no way of knowing until you are assessed for adhd. That should be your focus instead of being mad at yourself.

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#10

Possibly, but I hope therapy and medication (if possible with your addictions/substance abuse) can help you get out of the self-destructive circle, so you can get better and move on with your life, have a happier, more satisfying life.

How does your girlfriend(?) feel about ADHD and treatment? What about your family? Do you think any of them could help be supportive of you, now that you’re trying to get help amd treatment for the more foundational problems that cause so much other trouble?:blush:

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#11

My new gf is great and supportive. But I’m not always. I was on drugs when we met and started. Got off them then it started to crumble. Got back on so I could try to be the kind of person she deserves. But this I guess I knew was not a long term solution. It’s still only a few months but I have not told her I’m back on drugs. So this is definitely not gonna go well. Just dont have many people left. Cant seem to keep relationships off drug. And the opposite works for a time. I guess I just wanted to hang on to someone. But I know the drugs are not great for my body.

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#12

Rest of my family died in the past several years. Both my parents killed themselves with alcohol slowly. And , with the exception of my brother. But he could only endure so much.

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#13

As I go on Ii think this is probably the wrong forum for this stuff.,? I just connected with that video.

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#14

Not great for your body, and not great for your mind longterm. Nor for long-term relationships. I’d suggest you tell your girlfriend you’ve decided to go get tested to see if you have ADHD because a lot of people seem to have similar problems to you, including your past drug addiction (no reason to tell her you’re back on, yet?), inattentiveness, struggles with school and learning, doing monotonous tasks, interpersonal relationships… And you do want to get better, for her, so you can be the kind of boyfriend you WANT to be for her, because you love her… Hopefully she can help remind you to go see the doctor, maybe take you there?

Sorry to hear about the rest of your family, man… That absolutely doesn’t make things easier. But hopefully doctors can help you be more of what you want to be for yourself and for your girlfriend.

It’s not the wrong forum. You are looking for answers, and needed to talk to someone, and from your own description, I suspect ADHD, as did your teacher when you were younger. Remember to tell the doctor that, that might be important, actually!

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#15

Which video was it you connected with? We’ve even had people watch some of the videos and break down crying from recognition. For me, I just noticed that what was in the videos I watched helped explain how I was feeling, so if you feel something similar to that, you might actually have ADHD. At least to me, you don’t seem ‘just stupid’, but more like you’ve had some tough challenges in life, you’ve overcome them so far, but now you’re at the point where you need external help. And that’s what community is all about.:wink:

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#16

I know I have to go get help. Guess its comming up when I have left every detail regarding my mom’s death last year, till right now. I haven’t even buried her yet. So theres that. All phone calls and meetings and paperwork. Just feel super not great about it all.

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#17

The Tedx lady one.

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#18

Ah, yes. Well, a lot of the members on here came from that video, so not surprising you also felt like coming here after seeing that.:sweat_smile:

And I’m sorry to hear about your mom. It can be overwhelming to have to deal with everything when in such a difficult situation… Hopefully things will work out for you, so you can get things dealt with.

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#19

EDIT: Started this post at 4 am and didn’t finish it until now. Some new info was gained during that time.

Eric, you are not stupid. Nobody I know wants to be a bad listener, or a bad partner, or a bad friend. Usually, there is something getting in the way that the person can not control.

When I was in 1st grade, my teacher told my parents that she thought I had ADD. My parents didn’t believe her and even told me she was just a bad teacher looking for an excuse. They pulled me out of public school and homeschooled me until 7th grade.

This caused major issues when I finally left home for university, and I flunked out my Junior year.

I have struggled for years not knowing the reason was because I had ADHD. I thought I was slow, lazy, scatterbrained, and uncaring. I called myself horrible names and screamed at myself on a daily basis from inside my parked car. I drank energy drinks and coffee to the point that I got cavities. My work performance suffered because I couldn’t remember directions or what I had done the day before.

Things go so bad that I wound up with anxiety and depression and almost tried to kill myself with pills. And even after making it through that, I almost lost my marriage.

None of us are perfect and many of us deal with things that make us feel like terrible people. You won’t believe me if I say this, and honestly I wouldn’t believe it if someone told me this either… but you need to hear this.

It’s not your fault.

You are clearly dealing with something beyond your control. Whether it is ADHD or something else, only a professional will be able to tell you. The only way forward toward healing is to get diagnosed. Talk to a professional. It will be scary, but it will be worth it.

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#20

Cool. So just lost what feels like the last person I had. Idk at some point you just feel unlovable. I wish I had found this site long ago. I feel to far gone to be helped.

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