I called out of work today. I’ve been getting over being sick, but I’m doing much better. I woke up late, but still could have made it on time if I’d hurried. But I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I just sat at the kitchen table staring at the wood grain. Then I started to get angry with myself as the time slipped away and I officially would have been late. I told myself that my spouse is relying on me for an income, that I’ve been missing a lot of time lately due to sickness and depression, I’ve got a lot of bills that need to be paid so I need the overtime, and that there was no logical reason to miss today. And what was my brain’s response?
I want a quesadilla.
Seriously?! This should have been an easy day. Should have been an average Thursday with average tasks for 8 boring hours until I finally came home. I don’t understand myself. I’m burning through FMLA time like crazy. I can’t keep doing this. I’m so angry with myself right now.
It doesn’t help that mental illness isn’t well understood in my field of work. People tend to be… somewhat ignorant.
I feel pathetic. I am a grown-ass man who wants to curl up in a ball and hide.
…And now I’ve burned my quesadilla. Great.