When your own ADHD makes it harder to help your kid's ADHD

Went to go fill our prescriptions today only to find that we didn’t have a prescription on file for the proposed increased dose for my daughter. Apparently the doctor had proposed it but not yet prescribed it, and I should have made an appointment several weeks ago in order to have the new prescription available for when school starts next week. I mean, it’s not a disaster as she still has the old prescription available, so she’ll still have her medication, but we still haven’t gotten her to her ideal dosage, and this delays that even further, making me feel like a rotten mom for not being on top of things. I know it’s my brain’s fault rather than mine, but I still feel awful. I have her booked in now, but it will be the third week of school by then, and at a new school too. :slightly_frowning_face:

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That sounds more like a breakdown in communication between Doctor and you, versus your brain. Like if a Doctor proposes something and I agree… I expect us to go forward with a prescription, so I would have thought it was ready for pickup. So don’t be quick to place all the fault all on your brain, either.

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Thanks; starting to feel a little better, and this helps a lot! :heart:

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feel like a rotten mom" you really touched me there. I constantly forget permission slips for school. My biggest concern is that I struggle to create a structured stable environment for my child who is a bit young for meds (age 5). I regularly feel like I am failing my son.

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I feel like a rotten mom a lot. Even when people praise me for my efforts to help him with his difficulties. He has Sensory Processing Disorder, and I’ve been meaning to get him in to OT for months. But first I had to call places, and then get an eval, and now I need to figure out the best OT place based on my insurance and ability to pay, and every step is intimidating, requiring multiple steps. And I feel like I’m failing him by not moving fast enough, so he gets what he needs. It’s all so overwhelming.

All that to say, I hear ya momma. Just do your best. You’re not rotten. You’re human.

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I know the feeling well; keeping up with paperwork, routines , and appointments is so not my strong suit. Though as much as routines may be ideal in some ways for your son, the fact that he has not only your love but also your understanding as someone who totally gets him is something that will help him through. :heart:

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Thanks; it’s an important reminder that we’re all trying our best. :heart:

All the appointments alone are enough to wear me out! My daughter has dyspraxia and a speech disorder as well as ADHD, so I know what you mean about trying to remember to coordinate with the OT on top of everything else. We keep forgetting to do some of the tracking and extra practice for speech, and I keep feeling like the speech therapists think I’m not trying hard enough or taking it seriously enough, but, I kept reminding myself that it’s not the only thing we’re struggling with, and we can’t get it all done at once. It’s a lot like running around in a maze filled with health care providers with a wide variety of titles (that they seem to think I can remember; I still don’t know if the one guy was a neurologist, a neurosurgeon, or a neurosomethingelse, all I know is they had trouble finding a file because I had the word wrong) who keep assuming that we know which way to turn next.

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Mine is 5 also, and undiagnosed right now, but yeah, not a lot of question in my mind. I feel terrible when I get to the point that her probable adhd interrupts me to a point that I can’t function and I’m just like I need you to stop I can’t take it any more I have to think. That almost breaks me. I’m the adult, I’m here to help her, to be her stability. As a single mom with residential custody of her and a 1yo sometimes I just need a moment to breath and I have no one to call. I can’t even think to remember if I’m forgetting something when she’s been going 100 miles an hour and talking the entire time for hours on end, but I’m the one who has the coping mechanisms to figure it out, not her. How is she going to learn if I can’t do it? I don’t know how, but I know I need to allow myself those moments, forgive myself for them.

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All. Of. This. Nailed it in one, @maggiemoo.

The other night my emotional regulation broke down completely while dealing with my son. I went into another room and let out a big scream and then cried for 10 minutes. It wasn’t a good moment, and I feel incredibly guilty. My son came and gave me a hug and informed me that I shouldn’t get mad at him and I need to take deep breaths. :confounded::laughing:

Clearly the Occupational Therapy he’s doing to help his self-regulation is sinking in a little. I feel terrible that my coping skills don’t always measure up.

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Kids are amazing regardless of if they had ADHD or not. I know I have trouble managing my emotions and so does he. We all have down moments the way we get past it is by having more up moments to learn from

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From the info I’ve learned from the YouTube channel and the lessons I’ve learnt from my own experience and application. (I’m a father of 3, with suspected adhd, and my 7yo who has been recently diagnosed)
A few pointers:
*Don’t try and change everything at once! Try one effective, small change, over a week instead. Then slowly add to it.
*where possible, start new habits with your adhd child, if it’s something you both struggle with. And if the situation permits, perhaps try and keep each other accountable and motivated. It’s easier to be enthusiastic with someone. :slightly_smiling_face:
*regarding emotional regulation, this one is very fresh, but what I’m learning is, if I’ve been triggered or my son has been triggered, physically remove and if possible, excuse yourself from the situation. Try and find somewhere quiet, where you can pace or fidget while you/they try to calm down. Then attempted to re-enter the conversation.
For me personally I use that time to try trace my own thoughts and feeling, separating the two, and reasoning with myself. TAKE A PEN AND PAPER with you, if you plan on doing this.
Similar to a mind dump, if you’re having trouble with this process, write everything down that’s relevant, using keywords or short hand. Then try and organise it and reason the rational of what’s going on in your head.
I’ve actually recently resolved issues of confrontation that have been triggering me for years, because I could never get to a place of honest rationality, when I was in the moment and my head was racing 1000 miles an hr.
Hope this is helpful.
And remember, you’re not a failure if you are still trying and there’s always something new you can try. :wink: #theneverfailloop

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