why cant i just tell the truth


#1

i was not diagnosed with adhd until the beginning of this year and as i have come to learn and understand many things and when i got the diagnosis so many things made seance but there is this one thing i struggle with so much and thats just behing honest… i don’t want to lie in fact i feel like the worst human in the world when i do
and its always something Along the lines of… No i didn’t spend money on this i already had it… or i passed a test but didn’t really pass that test im 23 years old and it just seems ridiculous to me. that i can’t stop and just think
about what doing that will do … or make me look. i have been in a relationship for 3 years and i thank god for him because he is so patient and even when he is angry we can talk about it… and he will work with me even if i have dispoitned him but i am just having a really hard time … with this … i don’t like it i hate it. and its not something i want to do… but seems to happen when i don’t want to A. get int trouble … or B disappointed the people Around me … even thou i know that my partner will still love me even if i didn’t pass the test … or bought something i didn’t really need anyone els to struggle with this and how do you cope with it…


#2

I know what you mean. I feel like for me it is always linked to not wanting to disappoint someone. But it is hard for me to distinguish between what will actually disappoint someone and what I think will disappoint someone.
As far as coping…I have to find the people in my life that I trust and know will be there for me, and then make a conscious effort to be honest even when I think they will be disappointed. It is not easy but it’s the best I can do.


#3

its so weird Because i am on medication i take 40ml 2times a day of atomoxetine
and i will do so good for a long time of being honest and being able to catch my self and stop to think hey
that not a good idea… But if i have a day were i can not get to my medication or i forget a dose its so much
harder… and after i do it… its like why. that was so dumb… But then there is this moment were im like… i know
i struggle with this why can’t just be normal. or like every one els. its impulsive side of adhd and i know this but i seriously hate it so much. and like i said its not that i want to some times it just happens. i am supost to be meeting with a beavorail therapiest on the 1st . but some times i feel like nothing will ever help and i will be this way for the rest of my life… and strugling with all of these things i dont know how to deal with. i never been threw any kind of theaprie growing up i was never tought skills sets to mange this until resontly and now i feel like a 10 year old … and i just want to feel normail… and like i said i am so greatfull for him because i couldn’t keep my self to geather with out him… and he helps me threw so much and to understand a great deal of my self … its just so werid that adhd is the couse of what some times seems like a roller coster of bullshit that makes it so much Harder to just be nomrail


#4

I wish I could feel normal most days. I try to remind myself that “normal” doesn’t actually exist but even still I would love to have one day where I knew how it felt to go through life like the people around me.

How long have you been on medication? If you don’t mind me asking. I just know that I have been on mine for years now and it was only within the past few years that I reached a point where I hardly ever miss a day. Something that helped make it easier to remember was using a weekly pill box.


#5

Yeah it definitely feels silly spewing out lies as a grown up. I’m 35 and some days it catches me off guard. There’s off days where I just can’t seem to stop myself from lying, most of the time it’s little white lies sprinkled throughout the day, sometimes it’s a big one or several big ones. Then I get some tremendous guilt after with no real way to make up for it regardless of who’s feelings get hurt. This leads to a downward spiral of regret and shame for things that are from way too far back in the past to be worried about.

The shame is the worst part it kind of holds me back from getting myself back up and running again. It does serve as a very harsh reminder for me to remember the meds. And in time I learned to be more present in the moment and notice when people are reacting to me.

I often find myself thinking to myself “Things are going well don’t screw this up with a lie”. Not the greatest motivation but sometimes knowing the stakes helps you play the game. There’s a video on the channel talking about taking responsibility for our brains without shame, hopefully that can help. No matter what we’re all here sticking it out with you.


#6

I have been on the Atomoxetine for Almost a year.
and i have been bouncing around with the right dose it really helps me alto to focus and stay on task but i
feel like there or some things About ADHD that A Pill can not help . and i do know how that is i would love
for a day in the shoes of the people with out ADHD or add or HD… i know they have struggles as humans to But simple things are just so hard… and i have an app on my phone cald medix that reminded you and keep track of your medcations i cant do a pill box b.c i would lose it. my dr ofice is undergoing change and upgardes and my priamry dr has been change 2wise on me in the last month so its been verry hit and miss on apoments avabuilty and i have to see my dr every time i get the medcation . or they will not send a refill and hyperfocuz oh i know that so well. i do tell my self every day i am faced with sometihng dont screw it up your doing so good and i go so long doing so good then BAM! today is just a day that it just isnt going to wrok. and then i sit here and try to think why i lied to start with i have been dishonest about big things befor . but i no longer do lie about big things its always just Little things… like one time i was playing gta with my partner and i bought a car … and he asked me if it was a new car and i said… No i allredy had it… even thought i had just bought it… and going back on it … i really just didnt want to hear any one of our freinds tell me i shouldnt of got it beuces i was saving money to get something els… and today… i went to take a drivers test and i failed. for the second time i didnt pass the writen test… but i told my parnter on my way home that i had pasted the test and looking back on that… i just wanted him to be proud of me… and not feel the dispoment in me that i felt in my self for failing the test for a second time… and instead of voicesing that fear… or feeling i tryed to hide it with a lie. and ened up hurting him and his feelings… and hurting my self even more… its hard to deal with it in the moment thou … Because some times in the moment its like okay im proceting him and my self from feeling set feeling so its okay… but then im like no thats not okay… you sohuldnt of done that… it such a strugle and a strugle i wish i didnt have to deal with


#7

I also had this problem when I was first diagnosed. But my mom knew I had this problem and because I couldn’t take medicine, I had it all the time. What my mom did was awesome. She asked me more than once every time she felt like I was lying. The problem hasn’t disappeared, but it affects me less now :blush:


#8

I hear you. You don’t want to have to listen to them dump their opinions on you, it feels so negative sometimes I’d wish they’d wish they could be me and do something impulsive spontaneous not practical and not at all within your means and let go be in the moment and have blast and we somehow find a way and make it though. So it sucks listining to their lectures when they mean well their also bringing me down and making me feel bad.
But does lying really have to do with adhd. I understand how someone with adhd would want to lie due to things but I’d imagine anyone who would be nagged at by their partner or friend for doing something they wanted to do would make that person any person want to lie. Right?


#9

I have found at least for me that lying was and is mostly a deflection mechanism that I had unknowingly created within myself from a very young age. I lied to avoid conflict, to fit in as a younger child, to stay out of trouble, to add or remove myself from any number of social interactions. It was and sometimes still is for me more of a impulsive reaction than an intellectual decision that is made consciously. Mainly however I found that I did it to avoid conflict with someone and it became a bad habit of passively just saying something to either quickly agree or disagree with someone to avoid an argument, or to end a fight, or frankly most of the time just so the other person would stop talking to me because in my mind I was already lightyears beyond the conversation and thinking about something else. What I found works best for me is just simply being honest. I know this may sound silly but for me not being honest was often because the things that i would normally say would in my mind come off either rude, or vulgar, or extremely rude and vulgar, or in a just plain IDGAF attitude. Honestly, generally I dont feel like I connect or relate to many people so that’s my normal internal response to most things. So… what I mean is instead of just saying something that isn’t me a lying to people I work with, friends, or loved ones I started trying to just say what I feel and what comes to mind.

As liberating as this feels to not be lying nearly as much or at all a lot of the times, I often find people taken aback or even sometimes hurt or offended by what I say. This can go one of two ways firstly I either ment what I said and responded harshly without thinking about a better way to say something first and blurted out the first thing that popped into my head, or I come to realize that a lot of my pre composed mental drama surrounding what I normally would have lied to avoid saying didn’t really have any negative impact on the person or situation to begin with and was all made up and judged without having ever taken place to begin with. So basically I found that even if it was unconsciously I found myself lying to avoid situations that only I somehow already created a negitive result to in my own mind and was lying to avoid that outcome that may or may not ever come to pass. Hope any of this is helpful to anyone as a possible insight into their own lie telling problem.

Kindest regards
Joshua