Why do I do this to myself? (music)

Oh man… got into a spiral of listening to Jonny Cash’s cover of Hurt today. Every reaction video on youtube too.

I am very sensitive to music. Good music will cause me goosebumps and tears, whether the song is happy or sad. My emotions spill over thought my eyes, positive or negative. I know it’s because my hormonal reactions are extreme because one of your body’s ways of flushing excess hormones is through tears. Which is one reason why we tend to tear up with an excess of feelings, why we cry when we are livid with rage and not just when we are sad.

So, here I am, driving myself to tears with this song today. I am studying too, selecting textbooks and filling out FAFSA forms and deciding just what I am doing for Easter dinner this year… but through a veil of tears of joy for the beauty of the song and for pain of the emotion expressed in this rendition. I am exhausting myself.

Ah well… it’s beautiful.

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In other news I found my Flaming Hot Nacho Doritos in the fridge… :roll_eyes:

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Classical music for me . . .

But when I’m sad . . . and allow myself to fall deeper into sadness/depression . . . When for whatever reason I want to feel the sadness, pain, grief . . . catharsis! Then I fall back to my Jewish roots . . . listen to a cantor’s lamentation . . . his soulful voice . . . in Hebrew!

With that the pain in remembering my losses . . . deaths of my parents, my sister, my uncle, my friends . . . leads me to a low point unmatched by any other experiential, purposeful search for . . . WHY?

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I love Hebrew music, even in the frenetic Klezmer music there is such depth. I love it especially when I can see the men dance as well. It’s about a religious experience for me.

I have a very eclectic taste from bands like disturbed to Garth Brook, 21 pilots and Matchbox 20 and of course all the David Bowie and Roy Orbison.

I know what my chosen religion says about ‘why’. In fact I am growing to see religions as humans first attempt at therapy and understanding human behavior. If you can’t find the whyof it all in religion you can at least find a scaffolding for what to do in the mean time…

And I mean actual spiritual pursuit not the political arm of religion…

All I can say is if there is not some portion of us that is eternal then what a fantastic waste all this in my head is.

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What a metaphor! :+1:

Ah, Klezmer . . . I knew I forgot something! I love Klezmer too . . . which lifts my spirits as I bounce around the room with joy and optimism. My prior message was dedicated to my sad and serious side . . . Seems to me that experiencing the ups and downs of daily life provides us with contrast! Think of staring at a blank, all white movie screen . . . Think of staring at a blank, all black movie screen. What do we see? How can we appreciate joyousness . . . if we didn’t also experience pain and sadness. If our lives were emotionally monophonic . . . always at the same level of feeling . . . at the same “frequency” . . . then, without contrasting “differences” . . . how would we recognize and appreciate joy OR sadness?

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We have a saying in my religion, God made man so he might know joy. But of course, to know joy we have to know all the things that are not joy too. :blush::purple_heart:

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