This has been really stressing my relationship lately. I get frustrated at tiny little things in life and yell at them. Like, I was trying to load the dishwasher last night and couldn’t get this one bowl to sit nicely and, without realizing I had even raised my voice, I shouted at the thing to “just get in there, do what I tell you!” Do you guys do this too? Why do I do this? What can I do about it?
Have you been more irritable or edgy lately? Have you noticed any changes in your sleep? Any new changes to medication?
Sometimes our bodies get keyed up from anxiety, stress, or exhaustion. It can be worthwhile to figure out if there have been any recent stressors and address those. It’s also important to focus on self care and proactively addressing anger by looking into outlets that work for you.
For me, I notice that when I start to get more irritable I have to take time to isolate and recharge my introvert batteries. Spending an evening or two doing something I enjoy, even if it’s just being quiet by myself, can have a huge impact. Sleep is also important for me too. If I start to sleep less and less, my distress tolerance gets way low.
I don’t know if any of that will be helpful for you. I do think yelling at things is fairly normal. It can even be a good outlet at times.
I do the same. If I spill something; look for a note / receipt / letter that I had in my hand 10 seconds ago and can’t find; when my wife “loses” the checkbook or a credit card [again] . . . All of these things frustrate, annoy, anger me. I’ll yell and curse, when really the situation is not even close to an emergency or crisis.
I’ve improved with some things, like the checkbook / credit card because it has happened enough times and usually turns up. And I try to remember that!
I attribute my low frustration tolerance and overreaction to the way my brain is wired (i.e. my ADHD). Similarly, I have an outrageous startle reaction. e.g. I’m unaware that someone (even my wife at home) is standing right behind me . . . I’ll turn around and be startled. I scare myself and sometimes the other person. My wife takes it in stride and often says: “It’s only me, your wife!”
As for what to do about it?
Nothing has changed with respect to my startle response. That is hard wired!
As for the low frustration tolerance / overreaction to really inconsequential daily annoyances . . . Meditation / Mindfulness; aerobic exercise (stationary bike at home while listening to classical music); and calling to mind the important things in life (e.g. a seriously ill friend or family member; my marriage of 46 years and the wife who has put up with a lot of my “stuff” . . . And at times has talked of leaving me!)
Hope some of this helps.
I as well yell at things but its mainly out of frustration with the thing i.e why did I just put that away I was still reading it or where did I put my phone. Hope this helps I think its mainly because we dont want to take our frustrations out on others because we want those freindships or keep a relationship so we yell at things that cant talk back to us.- That is just a theroy of mine though because I will yell at others when sometimes my frusturation has reached its boiling point so its like I need to get it out in someway .
Thank you all for your responses so far. It makes me feel a little better knowing I’m not the only one who does this, but I worry about the strain it’s putting on my boyfriend, who has mentioned frustration at having put up with it for so long. I feel like sometimes I yell at things to direct my anger at inanimate objects rather than at myself, but it doesn’t help me control it or stop it. I’d like to learn better ways to manage this, especially in situations outside the privacy of my own home. Most of the time I’m not even aware that I’m yelling at a thing until after my boyfriend has pointed it out to me.
I talk to the uncooperative material objects in my life continually. “No no, trash bag, you don’t understand, gravity should only work DOWNWARD, why aren’t you falling into where you belong?” Then, “Gosh doorway, you really need me to stay inside today, don’t you? But I want to go OUT SO GET OUT OF MY WAY I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE NOW YOU IDIOT DOOR!” “Hey, you vitamins, quit running away. You guys must not want to be eaten. But, you idiots, what GOOD are you if you don’t EVER ENTER MY DIGESTIVE TRACT!?? GET INTO MY MOUTH AND DON’T FALL ON THE FURKIN’ FLOOR AGAIN!!!” Usually I’m annoyed and angry. It’s only sometimes, that I also manage to keep my sense of humor about it.
If it’s makes you feel any better, I yell at things too! Not only yell, but I talk to pretty much everything all the time
I talk to blankets when they won’t fold properly
I talk to the wind when it’s being loud
I talk to the author of my textbooks
And I talk my headphones when it’s making those stupid beeping noises!!
It’s a way of helping me stay calm and process the problem without losing my cool. It lets me ( for lack of a better term ) be compassionate and more importantly… not break stuff
Ive learned that talking to objects helps me to not yell at them. It’s a healthy expression of annoyance!
There are times when I start screaming though. This usually means that the situation is getting out of control and I need to leave and calm down. If talking is a way to vent anger, then screaming is a rising indicator of it
I guess what I’m trying to say is: yelling doesn’t have to be a bad thing, especially if it’s letting you get rid of negative emotions. You just have to figure out how you can turn it into something helpful!
I am just the same. Sounds and unexpected movements, people popping up, startles me. Can only watch Tv for children (almost). I am not traumatized, but act like I were. And get frustrated a lot. Rarely at people, exept bad drivers, which there are a lot of. But minor annoyances, my own forgetfulness and clumsiness, all those damn things that will not work makes me crazy. Espescially when stressed. Now I am on sick leave (if that is what it is called). I am much less irritable, used to explode several times a day, now I have been quite calm for days.
I’m thinking that Rick Green’s “unofficial ADHD test for adults” https://youtu.be/iozAFIr3BEw needs to include this item of talking to (and cursing out) uncooperative inanimate objects.
Yup. I once screamed at a bag of frozen vegetables. I was alone except for the cats at the time. I assumed the cats were used to it but did feel a bit of guilt and haven’t forgotten it. I mean, I have shouted at all sorts of things but the frozen veg always seemed the most ridiculous to me.
Startle reaction? Oh yes, absolutely! On the plus side, it massively increased the value of our tickets to see The Woman in Black at the theatre. My kids still say it was the best and most memorable theatre trip we ever had
And they are in their twenties and still find it funny to occasionally make me jump on purpose, just in the house. I agree though, it’s embarrassing to react like that when my wife just walks in normally but I didn’t hear her coming because I was focused on reading something
I have done this all my life and a few years ago it got kind of over the top. Discovered mindfulness to give myself time to wind down a bit. My latest trick is to see the humor in the situations that caused me to become angry and found that laughing about it allows the stress to just melt away.