I dunno if this is particularly ADHD related or possibly RSD but does anyone else hate their birthday?
I get upset every year because my birthday is never how I want it to be. I just want to see friends and have a good time but more often than not, that doesn’t happen. I don’t have a wide pool of close friends, which is fine the rest of the year, but my best friends are musicians and they’re always travelling to play gigs on my birthday since it’s in the middle of summer. People are always away on holiday too.
Last year, I got glandular fever over my birthday and did absolutely nothing. My best friend got me a really crappy keyring from a petrol station as my present. Even when I was younger, my birthdays were always terrible - family problems repeatedly happening over my birthday meant my parents didn’t pay it much attention.
There have been a few exceptions where I’ve had an amazing birthday and felt really loved, even if I’ve not done anything for it - a few years ago I worked over my birthday and stayed in with my then-boyfriend, and it was lovely because he spoiled me.
But the majority of the time, I get super upset for the entire week because it’s the one day of the year where it’s socially expected for people to make a fuss about me, and I see other people having great birthdays, and I make an effort for everyone else, but mine sucks.
My birthday is coming up this Saturday and I’ve just been crying about it. I decided over a month ago that I wanted to go to a festival in the evening and I won 2 free tickets for it. I asked people if they would come, several said yes, but then none of them bought tickets, despite me warning them it was selling out, and it sold out.
They are apologetic, and they are good friends, I don’t blame the people around me. But I always react so strongly when my birthday isn’t how I wanted it to be. I don’t think I ask for much, just to have a nice time with friends. Even though my birthday is Saturday, I’m celebrating Friday instead so my best friend is available. I can compromise. But now I’m looking at changing my plans entirely and not bothering with the festival because if I go, I’ll only have one friend with me.
I often wish I could erase my birthday entirely and just not have one at all. I get super upset every single year about it! It feels like an opportunity for everyone I love to show me they don’t care about me (even though I know they DO care). It’s just one stupid day of the year, and it’s so ridiculous that it makes me so sad every time. I feel like a stupid petulant child. I over-react massively to every tiny problem! I remember having meltdowns as a child when my parents didn’t let me have the party I wanted, or the cake I wanted, or whatever.