Really well said!!
My problem is that I missed so many social events that I don’t get invited to them any more. And now I actually want to go…
You will be included, again. People are generally slow to recognize and even slower to acknowledge change. Given sufficient time, however, most cannot deny what is before their eyes. Also, there have been instances where I really wanted to be a part of something, a group or a party or some other gathering, and, once I was included, was left disappointed. Reality didn’t meet my expectations. Just keep doing what’s right in front of you!
Well the social events from the old crew are not a great motivator for me. The same old people telling the same old stories from the last 30-40 years. Only the price of the beer has changed.
And I was always travelling around too much to be a big part of those stories anyway, it was never really my preferred social circle back in the old days, I just sort of got sucked into it by osmosis.
My main buddies all did a “bomb burst” over a 2 week period. One went to Canada, the other to Melbourne etc. etc. and I ended up with friends of friends afterwards.
But there are a few of them I wouldn’t mind reconnecting with.
I prefer meeting new people, and seeing new things.
As for change, the older people get, the more they secure themselves against change. So a guy who gets bored with the status quo can be a threat.
I see it more as an engineer trait. Even my non-adhd engineer or DIY friends seem to do it.
Awww… I’m sorry, maybe just call spontaneously a friend or two and let them know. Do they know you struggle with ADHD?
I’ve got a couple of mates I’ve told. But whenever I’ve mentioned mental health (depression, anxiety etc.) before, I get the closed lip silence, and a 5 degree nod. Before somebody says “I’m going to the fridge, are you right for a beer?”.
They have on the whole been more curious about the ADHD, but it’s not a topic I feel particularly comfortable talking about in depth with them.
And all the spontaneity and hijinks we all used to enjoy when we were younger has taken a back seat to the regularity and security which maturity forces on us. I have been fighting against that for years, and losing.
I’m still motivated more by the spontaneity and hijinks. It could be immaturity on my part, or just a need for dopamine.
I really miss the days at uni, or backpacking or whatever, when I’d be sitting at a table discussing in depth whatever random things came up, with gut wrenching laughter and ludicrous assumptions, then deciding that there’s a great pub up in the hills worth going to, and then just going. No mucking about with reasons not to, just doing it.
So that’s why I would like to associate more with people in their 20s or 30s who generally haven’t yet had the spontaneity crushed out of their souls by mortgage payments and family obligations. I figure that my mental age is still in my mid to late 20s, in many ways. Just with more stories and experience. Truth be told, I had more stories by age 21 than most people have by 50. Just not the experience.
Don’t get me wrong… I love talking about the 80s and 90s, and listening to the old tunes while reliving the golden age. Common ground is such a comfort sometimes. But I still have a little bit of gold in my veins and still have hankerings to let it flow sometimes.
That would all change if I had a family, kids etc. but it looks like the boat already left without me on that count.
You know I feel ya!! I ignore talking about the depression with anyone, I tend to be pretty private about it… only 2 of my closest friends know. Besides I don’t have that many friends cause i tend to be a loner by choice, Now, what I can tell you is that my family thinks the world of me. Even if I keep them at a distance, we do keep in touch and when we do touch base its as if I never left… I think I am the favorite auntie, sister, cousin… just they know I am always here for them my cousins and nieces keep tabs on me year around. ( love them)
I too am Immature and Always will let myself be that way… Spontaneous, Funny, disruptive…lmao. ALWAYS!!! ADHD
Life is too short.
So I can relate, I do too associate myself with people in their 20s& 30s or anyone that is free spirited… love to be around care free youthful .“minded”.
About the others that had their souls sucked out hahaha
By mortgages and obligations…well…
Not everyone is like that …come on!!! Well sometimes they are overwhelmed cause the dont have enough time or money. And that we all know is the bread for the butter!!
But me over here, 52 going on 12. Just 2 years ago I picked up everything I owned put it in a truck and moved across states, 1000 miles away from my hometown by myself with my kids… and replanted myself in a new city where I knew nothing nor no one…Ahhhhh!!! the benefits of working from home and can’t beat that feeling …Reason just because I didn’t want to stay stagnant for the rest of my life in one place.
That was the biggest risk i have ever taken, but it was the best and most liberating one.
I don’t look back… it felt like pure power… Realization that I control of my destiny. Living my life by my terms… just can’t explain it.
You see my dearie…luckily the only good thing about aging is “I know what I Dont want.” LOL.
WIth everything else I am free to create and adjust myself to my current needs while I keep my vision clear and give myself room for adventure to stay spontaneous and true to myself without too many rules, just enough to keep me happy!!
Poetic license I guess, exaggeration to illustrate a point. My mortgage has sucked the life out of me for sure. In the mining industry, we call it the “golden handcuffs”. A six figure income brings you six figure bills, and you’re trapped. Stuck in a job you can’t leave, or lose your house and lifestyle. I currently have no lifestyle, and the house is in imminent danger due to periods of unemployment which I will now have to catch up with again when I do find work.
If I lost the house, I’d have much more freedom. But then the last 8 years of my life would have been for nothing. I want to hang onto it long enough for the market to turn and bring it back up in value. Sell it or rent it out, and move overseas. 30c for a beer in Cambodia, or a nice townhouse in Penang for $80k.
Can I ask if you have had friendships which have exploded on you, and scarred you? A pretty personal question, it is for me at least. I’ve had a few key friendships which went bad…
My family is just me, my Mum and one brother now. Dad passed away 10 years ago, and all the relatives are in other parts of Austrlia, I barelt know them.
Ha ha. Snap! It’s not the age so much as the attitude. I’ve known 80 year olds who still had the sparkle.
That takes guts! You should be proud of yourself. I’ve been doing that my whole life, it’s all I know. But to do that when you’re leaving a framework and stability behind…
I always celebrate people who can get past that inertia, that comfort zone, and push themselves out into the universe with only a flashlight to find the way. That is guts. Me, it’s just what I know so it’s much easier, almost normal.
That’s true. I don’t have to look so hard now, because I know where I don’t want to go. But it’s funny… I have found sometimes that some things I used to avoid like the plague, but don’t terrify me anymore. Or things I didn’t enjoy, but now do. Brussells sprouts… I’m looking at you!
There aren’t any Brussels sprouts emojis. But Broccoli is in the same basket. I used to hate broccoli. Now it’s only meh. Unless it’s the Broccoli Brothers funding another Sean Connery James Bond movie! The only truly good Broccolis!
007 will return… In “The Pensioner Who Loved Me”!
Actually, speaking of Brusels… I watched a really low-key movie a while back that cracked me up, I suspect you might like it. “In Bruges”. Just funny. If you haven’t seen it…
I believe you are exhibiting the “sunk-cost fallacy”. If the house is an anchor dragging you down, just cut the rope and swim to shore!
I hear New Zealand is a wonderful place to begin anew!
In all seriousness though, I’ve been looking at New Zealand as a potential location to become and Ex-Pat. I’m sure you’d probably be even more at home as it’s much closer to your part of the world.
We could start and ADHD compound/society and have everyone on the forums move there together!
Yes, for sure I’d agree with that. It’s all part of my mental juggling act to justify keeping the house when there are forces of evil trying to take it from me.
But the reasons I bought the house in the first place still apply. Rent is money lost. The house, to me is an enforced savings plan for retirement, an investment.
As with any investment, you can only lose or gain financially if you sell. Otherwise, the only value is paper value. If that makes sense…
And I bought a four bedroom house near the beach for its potential return on investment in the years to come. It was definitely a gamble, I knew the economy could get worse before it gets better. But I’m sure it will get better eventually. And the potential return on investment could very well justify my troubles in hanging onto it.
In hindsight, I should have bought a smaller place, with smaller repayments. But at the time, I was looking to start a family, and I had job security (or so I thought).
New Zealand I hear is lovely. I’ve only ever been to Auckland airport, so I can’t say for sure. But NZ seems like a great place. Lots of Kiwis in Australia, as their economy and unemployment levels have been a little rougher than over here. I believe they are doing well now though.
Sounds like Waco, Texas all over again.
I’m actually physically closer to Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam than I am to NZ. But I get what you’re saying.
Culturally, we share many similarities. Except we prefer to maintain platonic relationships with our sheep. Ha ha.
On a complete tangent, here is a training video from an Indian call center about Australian culture. Pretty funny. I thought so anyway…
You know… I’ve heard that before in a different context. I believe it was in reference to the Welsh at the time.
I supposed it was only a matter of time before I decided to say something mildly awkward and slightly ignorant. At least now you know I have absolutely no concept of geography in relation to Australia. Heh.
Not at all. Australia is a big country, roughly the same size as the continental USA. I just happen to be at the part which is furthest away from New Zealand.
Like being in New York, and being closer to Iceland than to Hawaii. It’s all good.
I think many places have a myth about their neighbours fondness for farm animals.
Actually, I believe that there is still a common law precedent which hasn’t been tested in hundreds of years, but is still current. From what I recall, in one particular alleyway in London, on a particular day before mid day, it is still legal to shoot a Welshman with a crossbow.
I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s only when I’m trying to do things the way other people expect me to do them that I struggle, my brain works perfectly fine when I do things my own way.
I’ve been diagnosed for less than a year, and while medication definitely helps me, it didn’t turn me into a neurotypical. I don’t think I would take a pill that did.
For me the meds just make doing everyday stuff easier. It can also help me keep focus on doing the stuff I enjoy (writing, drawing, etc) rather than spend hours doing stuff I used to kick myself for later. Watching videos and tv for hours and hours has always been my vice.
After getting my diagnosis I’m still discovering just how different my inner mental life is from other people. For example, apparently neurotypicals don’t have a constant barrage of thoughts and ideas just popping into their brains all the time.
They typically don’t get constantly distracted and have to constantly re-engage into whatever task they’re doing using up valuable willpower. I was surprised by how little willpower they need to go through their day.
Apparently we take as much willpower to go through our morning routines (assuming we have them ) as they usually do for their entire day. When I learned that little tidbit I got retroactively very angry at the people in my life who called me lazy, and at myself for accepting that I was.
Absolutely, I have to agree with you and if you are tired of living there you can always rent it out so it can continue paying itself, if your lucky the rents in that area are higher than your mortgage and it gives you a little extra while you settle elsewhere , Real Estate is always going to hold or go up in value… in time you can get back your initial investment or make a Profit, I say HOLD ON to it for a rainy day. That’s your cash cow, or piggy bank as some call it. Your money will be safe there and you can always get out or put it on the market for sale,
Really? I always assumed everybody’s just walking muscle-packs of willpower. Then again, all they seem to be willing themselves into doing is the stuff they don’t really want. What’s the point of willpower if you don’t use it to do what you want? Wouldn’t “suppression power” be a better name for it?
Yes, we eat willpower for breakfast! All of it!
This makes a lot of sense. Must be easy not to have to decide allt the time, just do. Then again, we probably wouldn’t even notice because it’s the drama we remember, not the routine.
You know the common saying that a marker for mental illness is trying things the same way, expecting different results? So what does that say about the people who keep expecting us to do things their way over and over? When we already know it won’t work but people (bosses, job instructors, teachers, spouses) keep insisting we do the thing that has never worked?
Boy, I should come back later, I’m in a ranty mood this morning.
Join the club, brother!